mom

New Home

Knock knock! No one's home. 

Dear folks, I have moved to a new address. From now on, I will be at http://minkster1984.wordpress.com/  

Love,

Mink

My View on Thailand's Politics

No, I'm no scholar nor a critic. I'm in no way claiming that I truly understand what is happening. Yes, I have read the papers, listened to people's thoughts and watched the news. But I'm not here to judge or to provide intelligent explanation here. This is only my humble opinion, true to my heart, on the current situations ofThailand and how we can react to it. So if this doesn't agree with what you have in mind and causes you to be offended, I sincerely apologize.

As Thailand is a "democratic" country, everyone has a voice and deserves to be heard. Many have been speaking while many others have been consuming the news. My only view, humble but decided, is that the only way possible for Thailand to resume its once-renown fame, "The Land of Smile"..."The Land of Peace" and see no more bloodshed is that Jesus needs to be in every heart and soul, especially the ousted former prime minister - Thaksin.

Now you may be chuckling to yourself or flopping out of your chairs right now as you're bursting into a hysterical laugh and thinking that I've probably gone crazy due to the graphic scenes from TV and the stress that came with watching too much news. Well, try to think with me a little bit...what a change it would be if Thai leaders and all of the people abide in God's law and live with true justice, righteousness, mercy and love! What difference it would make if we ONLY do what God's pleased!

I have been pondering a lot about how this "civil war" can be stopped. And the only sensible answer I get is it has to start from the inner of a man's heart.

Government has tried to resolve the problems with different strategies, which eventually led to the "roadmap"...five ways towards peace...Different color parties have come up with different solutions including the coup, the demonstration and the protesting. There is no right or wrong to it.

Yet...gunshots fired off somewhere...billowing clouds and dancing flames looming over the city...sobbing people mourning over the lost ones.

Bangkok...frustration...anger...hatred...death.

Is this what we, Thais, really want?

My heart has been saddened by the news that many people have lost their lives since the beginning of April. Just as the angels throw a party when one soul gets saved, I believe that they are mourning over the dead...the souls that will be lost forever. And I'm grieving with them. It doesn't matter who they are or what standpoints they are from in the political world, EVERY ONE of them was beautifully created by God and precious to His eye...whether they knew it or not.

Zechariah 7:9 says, "This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another.'" I have discovered that true justice happens when people are ready to repent, forgive and show compassion to another fellow human being. Everyone is flawed. We need to come clean before each other. How can you make a room clean if you still hide your junks in the closet or put them in the drawers? We all know one another's mistakes. The point is - deep down in our hearts, we want to start over. But to start over, we gotta have enough gut...enough courage...to admit our mistakes, our wrongdoings.

Jesus taught something radical which I believe, if we dare enough to take up His challenge,will bring peace unto this land.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matt. 5:38-48

I read it from somewhere on one of my friends' facebook quotes and I'd like to paraphrase it here...it goes, "If we keep to the concept of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, then the whole world will be full of people without eyes and teeth!" If you know whose quote this from, please let me know. I love it very much.

All this is to say that this isn't the time to rejoice over someone's death or sneer at the indecisive groups of people. It isn't even time to hold grudges against someone.

This is the time of prayer...the time we all need to stand strong in faith...and intercede for Thailand...the time of forgiveness...and the time of repentance. Let us be decisive on our part that we will be committed to praying for Thailand everyday...that not only this "war" will come to an end...but that Thai people will come to believe in Jesus as their own personal Savior.

Last, I wanna challenge you, Christians and non-Christians alike, to reread the above scripture from Matthew once again...and DO it. Everyone can love those who are nice. But today's dare is for you to love your enemies.

Peace,

When the rain comes, it causes a heart to ponder...

I am anticipating the rainstorm. It has been unbearably hot and the air feels like desert. Now, after a full month, the sky seems to give in to the thunder a little bit. I could hop on a bicycle and ride home right now. But my heart refused to do so. Why, summer rain is a rare treasure these days.

Talking about rain, we were driving through the mountains 2 days ago. We were on a car sneaking through the windy road of the northern hills. Our driver was ever so patient and confident in his driving that I had no fear at alll. We were surrounded by forests; the teak wood, the flame trees and many other wild plants that I have never known.

Then I saw the first sign of thunder - the hovering dark clouds. My heart almost skipped a beat, not out of fear but of excitement. It may sound weird but I love thunderstorm. It somehow gives me a glimpse of such powerful and magnificent glory of the Creator. The lightening. The whooshing of wind. The swaying trees. The growling of sky belly. Then the downpour of silver rain. More thunderbolt. More flashes of lightning.
I was sitting in the 1st class seat watching the reflection of heaven discreetly rolled out for the eyes of human to see and revere.

Suddenly, the driver slowed down. A huge tree was lying on the road and stopped the traffic in the middle of nowhere. Long lines of cars and trucks were stuck and we were awaiting help from someone...somewhere.
But God was good. The tree could've fallen somewhere else but it fell next to a police station. Things got sorted out very smoothly and in timely manner. A policeman, drenched with rain, was standing and directing the cars to use the dirt trail just beside the road. After 10 minutes, we were through.

God was good. The tree could've fallen on someone but at the moment it fell, no cars were passing by and no one got hurt or else we would've seen it.

It reminded me that despite the circumstances, there is always a way out. As the saying goes, even though all doors are closed, God always leaves a window open for us to climb out. It's just the matter of us having enough gut to do that or not. :)

Now I just can't wait for the real reainy season to come. I can't wait to be running wildly in the storm and getting soaked to the skin. I can't wait to have that sense of freedom and joy running through my blood again. I can't wait to see the earth drinking deep of the pouring rain and producing such lushness of green all over the mountain ranges and fields. I can't wait to witness God's blessings when the rain comes.

Pai

Well, being in Pai by myself isn't as bad as I imagined it would be. I have a long holiday from Sat-Mon so I decided to venture out here on my own.

The moment I dropped my stuff into the guesthouse's room, I felt like being in a desert. There is seriously no other guests at the hotel except me. I looked forward to swimming in the pool but it turned out that they haven't cleaned it for so long that it turned green and yucky. I pondered my choices whether I should stay until the next day morning and leave or wait to see if I would change my mind. I decided to hear God out.

I was greeted by a warm afternoon sun when I wandered down the street. Pai in the summer is desolate. I have only been here only in rainy and winter seasons thus I was a bit shocked by what I saw. Shops and stalls were closed. No crazy white people with mohawk and pierces. Streets were quiet. I spent my afternoon in a coffee shop where I had lime frappe and iced chocolate drinks plus a plate of club sandwich. Yah, I was starving. Then I went out to rent a bicycle...only to ride it back to my guesthouse.

I'm so thankful there's an ac in my room or I'd die. It's really hot here. Period. But God blessed my evening with a group of Karen people. I was sitting in my room writing notes to people when I heard some noise down by the pool. Curious, I peeked out to see that the owners' friends with their sons came to visit. They were lounging by the pool. What crazy was the two karen boys were swimming and diving in the pool! I was like...this can't be true. So I decided to go down and joined the party.

When I walked down, the father was squatting by the pool with one hand grabbing his youngest son's arm. I wondered why he did that so I asked. He told me that the little boy's legs don't have strength and he can't balance himself well either in the water or on the floor. So, as crazy as it may sound, I went up and changed into my swimming suit so that I could be with the little boy, Tee, in the pool and helped carrying him....that was the only reason I went into the green nasty pool.

But God is good! I had as much fun as the boys did. After we came up from the pool, we were sitting on the floor eating sticky rice, chilly paste and some pork on the sticks. I learned a good deal about Karen culture and laughed at the boys' jokes. Sometimes the blessing of God come unexpected when we aren't looking for it. :)

Today is Sunday and I woke up feeling like my shoulders are gonna come out of their sockets. When you're in the water, everything seems so light...a 7-year-old boy was like a feather...but the truth was for a half and hour I was carrying the 30-kg boy in my arms. No wonder I have shoulders pain at the moment. But I decided to get dressed and went to church. I wasn't sure why I did except that i figured i had nothing to do anyway.

The Associated Churches of Pai was consisted of 15 people or so when I stepped in. I went in feeling a bit out of place but was escorted to sit in the 3rd row of blue chairs. After 10 minutes, i really wanted to walk out. But God held me to my seat. Then out of no where, I began to realize an important truth - that I'm here as a body of Christ. There're many churches all over the world and I am a part of the body wherever i am. When I saw that we function as a global church, a global body of Christ, I was beginning to see a more complete picture of His body on earth.

Anyway, as I was sitting there listening and praying, a man from the congregation went up to lead the Lord's Supper. But he stopped by my chair and asked if I could translate the ceremony into English for a farung man beside me! The 1st thought that came to my head was how did he know I speak English?!?!?! Was it written all over me that I could translate? I couldn't find any sensible reason but that it must've been the Spirit's providence. Thus I was obliged to translate although I didn't want to. For maccaroni's sake, I am on vacation!

But God did this on purpose. And I'm glad He gave me the opportunity to do so. When life is about others, my fleshly desires don't matter that much. However, I'm also thankful that this trip is about me as well as about others. And He's doing a great job at making things balanced here. I'm getting to sit under the sun and enjoy a glass of fruit shake. I get to sleep in an ac room and not sweat my butt off. :) I also got to meet a group of Karen people...and learned more about their culture. God is good.

Now I'm going to turn the computer off, change into my bathing suit and go swim...not at the hotel's pool, of course, but at another place. :) Tomorrow I'll be heading back to Chiang-Mai and will look forward to going to work on Tuesday.

Wherever you are, may the God of peace reign in your heart.

Paddle Power

With a hard bang of the door and a cholocate chip cookie in my mouth, I shuffled my legs as fast as possible, trying to be careful not to make too loud a noise for the early quiet hour in my apartment, to where my bicycle was parked. I walked towards my bike, instinctively grabbed the key and unlocked the cable lock. I hopped on it and paddled...hard...for I knew I was going to be late for work.

The sun was already high for 8 o'clock in the morning and my sweat broke. Though a bit out of breath, I refused to stop paddling. A minute passed, a lotto lady, out of nowhere, on her bicycle, cruised by...faster than I could ever catch...Then a white guy on his mountain bike flashed by...left me wondering whether I was too slow or they were too fast for a rush hour like this.

It hit me...though the world is moving fast and passing by like a comet falling from the sky, Jesus is at the same pace as I am. He is here...present...with me...always. While I was biking, He was there doing the same thing.

Isn't it a bit out of place to imagine that such Creator would humble Himself to be doing some petty businesses with us when He has the whole universe to tend to?

Yet...it's true. God, the Creator of the universe, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the magnificent, omnipotent Savior, whispers to our ears everyday, "I am with you...to the end of the age".

The question is, "Are we ever with Him? Are we ever present before God?" Caught up in the swirl of life and the checking of to-do lists, our focus is only at the task but not at the One who's given those tasks to us. We're obsessed and consumed by the momentary worldly success/ failure when Eternity has entered into our worlds and offered the everlasting fulfillment - His presence with us, individuals. God is our all in all.

The Lord spoke to the Israelites through His prophet, Isaiah, "But you, O Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend, I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

He cares for us so much that He has sealed us with the promise of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 1:13-14 says, "It's in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free—signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This signet from God is the first installment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life" (The Message)

We are "signed"..."sealed"...and..."delivered".

Thus, our goal is heavenward...

Unto a praising and glorious life...

Unto eternity...

It's not a bad thing to set up goals in life but don't let them take you out of His path and His everlasting possession.

Focus on God.

Engrossed in His love.

Be ever present to Him.

"God knows where we are. Sometimes we forget this. Sometimes we even feel that God has forgotten us. He hasn't. God knows exactly where we are. So when you are afflicted with those forsaken feelings, when you are on the verge of throwing a pity party, thanks to those desparing thoughts, go back to the Word of God. God says, 'I know where you are.'" - Charles R. Swindoll

Grace like Rain

It was 1:30 in the afternoon. The sun was blazing over the bald hills. My throat parched and longed for some refreshing water.

Then from afar, I heard slow rumbling sound and dark clouds hovering over the sky...The sign of rain...I quietly rejoiced in my soul...and marveled with the birds and trees...for our hearts knew that the smoke-filled air would be washed away...and...replaced with a new fresh breath.

Drip-drops falling down...and not a minute had passed...came a curtain of silver glass all over the once-dry mountain lands. I gazed out the window...longing to splash my bare legs with heavy dew over the grasstops and throwing myself in the muddy streams...

Shower from heaven poured down to cleanse the blotches of disgrace...the stains of life.

Blood from sinless Savior soaked through the Golgotha's ground to set free the imprisoned souls...and washed us white as snow...

Love...everlasting...even when Your flesh was torn in pieces...

Grace...undeserving...even when You were pulled and dragged across the hills...

Jesus...tortured...crucified...died...

The world became silent as "It is done" echoed...

Veils torn...Hope shattered...

Savior...no more...

Shaft of sunlight on Sabbath morning...

Sobbing through tears when discovered
Only the empty tomb and strips of linen...

With faces to the ground, the angels said...

"He is not here...He has risen."

Hallelujah to our risen Lord and King, Jesus Christ.

"He told them, this is what is written: 'The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in His name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are the witnesses of these things." Luke 24:46-48

Another Prayer to the Father

Oh Father,

My heart is yet broken again. I feel like breaking down my dam of tears so that my sorrow will be drowned in my sobs.

I try to steel myself not to be deeply engaged in someone's life. I try to be ignorant and insensitive so that I won't have to be hurt when they leave or let me down. I try...but it never works.

My nature calls for intimacy with those around me. I tend to get attached with those whom I know. I love to love deeply even when it hurts.

Now I have nowhere to turn to but You. I'm hurt and wounded. Father, I need You.

My love will be wavered...but Yours will remain forever.

Better be a broken-hearted person than never know what love is at all.

Jesus, come and heal my brokeness...please. I need You.

Wait...Again?

So...Christmas went by...pretty fast.

Here I am preparing for a new year.

God was merciful to send 3 awesome people to me to spend time with over the Christmas weekend. I had already prepared myself to celebrate it alone...so it was beyond what I expected....the gift given to a grateful heart. Thank You, Father.

On the Christmas night, we were sitting by the river and I was asked to name a few things that I'd like to set as goals and accomplish within the next Christmas. I had 3 things I'm planning to get done...but I actually had more than that. There're many more things I want to have or to do; for example, I want a camera, a laptop computer, a shelf to put my books on and a coffee table for my room; I want to travel abroad, see the world with my own eyes and work among the marginalized.

YET God has a different plan. Since Christmas, He's been speaking the message of waiting to me over and over again...so often that it'd be hard to miss that.

Last Saturday, I was trying to run an errand in town. But every place I went was close. I went to get my skirt that i dropped off at a nearby shop 2 weeks ago only to be asked to wait. Seriously, i waited for 2 weeks...you haven't finished it yet? That was totally my thought at that moment. Then I rode my bike to the night bazaar to get my nails done. Usually, i would just waltz in and get started. Well, the place was packed...and it looked like i'd have to wait 10-15 more minutes. So I just went to another place instead. As I was waiting to cross the street, there came a yellow light with the word "WAIT". I was like, "Whoa! Wait a second, God. I think I'm catching on pretty quickly. You don't have to repeat that over and over again like this. It's pretty scary."

How would you feel when you received a message like this at the beginning of the new year? Wait? Again? Surely, a person's patience has to have some limits? Surely, when a new year comes, you'd want to see some changes or signs that you could move on or stop right here...not the word "wait".

Well, God's ways are not our ways. I have resigned to that fact.

On December 26, I was reading Psalm 37...and these sentences stood out so clearly as if the Lord was telling me what I must do:

"TRUST in the Lord and DO good; (3)

"DELIGHT yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (4)

"COMMIT your way to the Lord; TRUST in Him..." (5)

"BE STILL before the Lord and WAIT patiently for Him;" (7)

"WAIT for the Lord and KEEP His way." (34)

All the capitalized words above are the order from God...clearly instructing and guiding me. As I'm entering into a new year, my mind begins to worry about my future; what I'm gonna do next, where I'll be in a year from now, will I ever have a boyfriend. Waiting can be very tiring, challenging, demanding, frustrating and discouraging.

"I don't wanna wait anymore, God!", I shouted.

Then He gently speaks to me through the words above..."Trust in Me. Delight yourself in Me. I will surely give you the desires of your heart. Just commit your way to Me. Be still and wait patiently for Me. Do as I say."

How could you say "no" to a God who's ever so patient like this?

How could you turn away from such loving Father, who has waited for eternity for a soul to find its way back to Him?

And how could you be impatient when you see the Savior enduring the plight of the cross to redeem human from sins?

The Holy Spirit ministered to me and showed me what I am and what I am not.

Waiting is a sacrifice...a pleasing sacrifice before the eye of the Lord.

Waiting doesn't mean sitting around and doing nothing.It means that we lay what we hold dear to Him and offer all that we have and all that we are to the God who's above and beyond our understanding and imagination.

It means giving up something we think is good to gaining something God thinks is best.

How cool it is to start this year with me "waiting". I am half excited and half scared to see what's going to unfold and what He has in store for me as I wait on Him. I'm going to need a real rejoicing time that I can only find in Jesus when my patience comes to an end. God is going to be my only pure joy and delight when I don't get what I want.

On December 27, I wrote in my journal about the time of waiting with my 2 friends before their bus leave Chiang-Mai. We were hanging out in my room...trying to kill the 1 1/2-hour time. One was reading the Bible and the other one giving me a guitar lesson. We did nothing much...but waited. Here's what I wrote in my journal, "I greatly enjoyed that hour of having nothing to do but waiting. You can do so many memorable things while waiting." We sang some good worship songs together. I, personally, felt the Lord's presence among us.

"Waiting isn't too bad."

So...here I'm waiting....and doing my best...for You, Jesus.

A Giant of Faith: "Everything Around Me Proves That God is Real."

Last Saturday, we were up in Chiang-Dao district visiting TH973, a project that’s working with Chinese and Shan people. In the afternoon, we split into 2 groups to visit some children’s families. Our group went to Patchara’s house. She’s a tiny girl with bright brown eyes. Her family is Chinese. They are now living in someone else’s property, more like “house-sitting” for their cousins. There are 3 children in this family, all registered in the project.

Patchara’s mother is a petite Chinese lady with shy smile painted on her face. She came to Christ through her children. When they come home, they tell her about the stories they have learned at the project. One day, she was given the Bible. She started looking at Genesis 1. She read about all the days of creation and how everything was made in the sight of the Lord. Slowly, it came to her that there must be a God in this world…a God who reigns above all else. She then decided to receive Jesus into her life and has devoted herself to God.

However, she’s the only adult Christian in the family. Those around her are either Buddhists or ancestor-worshippers, including her husband. During our brief time, she told us how she is grateful to be found by God and is alive in Him. But she started choking a little when she talked about her struggles in the community. Through her tears, she shared to us about her being mockingly asked by her neighbors. “Where is God’s love? How do you know it’s there?”, t hey said. Her sincere reply gave a huge lump in my throat. “Everyday I’m greeted with His love. When I rise and see the sun, I know He’s there. Everything around me proves that God is real.”

Despite the physical difficulty and spiritual challenges, she firmly said that she will not waver because she knows that Jesus is the only Way. She also asked us to pray for her husband who is very opposing to what she believes. On the earlier visit (when I went with P.Yui and P.Ying), she told us that her husband threatened to leave her if she didn’t return to the former ways of belief.
Her faith is just rock solid. I was so thankful to be able to meet with a giant of faith like Patchara’s mother. I was reminded of a song by 33 miles, “There is a God”.

There's a beauty to the dawn, a rhythm to the rain

A silence in the soul that I just can't explain

There's a breath of life I breathe, a beating in my heart

A magnificence, a scary sense of what lies past the stars

Beyond what we can see behind the mystery

I know that it could only be

There is a God; this is the proof

That all around the evidence is speaking the truth

From the center of my soul to the edge of the universe

Creation is crying out believe it or not

There is a God

There's a debt that has been paid, a grace that I've been shown

A hope that I've been given that I have never known

There's a love that conquers darkness a peace alive in me

There's a life that's not just here and now but for eternity

Beyond what we can see behind the mystery

I know that it could only be that

I believe it; I believe it

There is a God I can feel it; I can feel it

There is a God

And the more I find the less I need to see

I've never been so sure, so sure of anything

Before we left, we were, one by one, shaking hands with her, hugging and whispering thanks to her through our tears. We were there to bring encouragement but it was us who walked away challenged and encouraged.

Patchara's Mother

Patchara's the girl on the right.

I Delight to Do Your Will

I just finished reading the whole bible, and I'm still trying to figure out what to read next. Should I find a bible study book and focus on that or should I read something like Our Daily Bread? I don't know yet. But today, I opened a daily devotional book, God's Promises, my friend gave me years ago to today's date (Nov 5), I found just what I need. Here's what it says:

"I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart." Psalm 40:8

The situation that looms in front of you may seem impossible to overcome in your own strength. It might be the result of your own actions, or you may be an innocent victim, caught in the backlash of someone else's consequences. Whatever the case, we can easily become intimidated, even fearful, and eventually immobile. The only way to move beyond that sort of paralyzing stalemate is to learn to accept and trust God's plan. You release the controls and wait for Him to move.

- Charles R. Swindoll
Paul: A man of Grace and Grit

I'm so cumbersome with loads of work at the moment. We, Yui (my best co-worker I could ever ask for) and I, have a big tour coming up next week. Our schedule becomes so crammed up with the tour's to-do list. This is not to mention other daily tasks I have to handle such as replying daily e-mails, making phone calls, following up with other co-workers for a week-late questions and arranging visits. Somehow my time is consumed with work that I unfortunately have to neglect other important stuff such as keeping in touch with friends or being there for those who need encouragement.

Today's verse gently brings me to my knees. The psalmist says, "I delight to do Your will,
O my God, and Your law is within my heart." Often I automatically do what I'm supposed to do without even thinking why I do it and whom I do it for. Without answers to these 2 questions, all the work in the world is pointless. It's "vanity and grasping for the wind".

So let us find the meaning of our life, our job and our very existence. Why we do what we do? And whom are we doing it for?

Grace and Peace,

Mink

Lions Were Vegetarian

Well, uh, here's something I got from helping with the Sunday School at church yesterday. My class was age 4-5. There were about 10 kids altogether with 1 teacher and 2 TAs. So it was a very decent class...we got to interact with children more intimately.

A boy named Micah walked in while we're making animal headbands (we're talking about Noah). He quietly seated beside me and started painting. When I asked him to choose which animal he'd like to have, he picked lion. Of course, boys love lions. :)

So, wanting to break the silence, I asked, "Micah, do you know what lions eat?"

Micah: "Well, at the beginning of the world, lions were vegetarian." (??!!

Me (feelin' a bit surprised): "Yeah? Why do you think they were vegetarian?"

Micah: "Coz God created lions to be vegetarian. But...but...after Adam and Eve sinned, they started killing each other. So that's why lions eat meat now."

Me: "Oooohhhhhh...."

At least I know now that at least lions thought very highly of veggies. Tell your kids if they wanted to be like lions, they should start eating more vegetables. :)

Precious.

Mulling Over Life

First, let me warn you that this entry will be LONG. So if you may not have enough time to read, feel free to print it out and read it at work or at home.

This week, I have a privilege to be the sole owner of my work station. All the other 3 girls are away: one in Bangkok, one in Australia and one unknown. Be it coincidence or destiny, we are all single. People often drop by to tease us about it, which we apparently don’t mind. Anyway, I’ve been able to get a lot of work done sooner than I thought and now I have some spare time to post this blog.

Life at this stage is good. The 2nd year of work is definitely easier than the 1st. For a few months at the beginning of the year, I was ready to bail. My heart wasn’t in my job. I struggled to find a home church. I missed home TERRIBLY. I wanted OUT.

Then came a trip that changed my attitude, fanned up my passion and God brought me back up to my feet again. How quickly I forgot my first love. Since the trip, I began to see Compassion ministry in fresher perspective. The prospect of ALL workers, be it in the head office or in the local churches, joining in one hand regardless of cultures and denominations excite me and makes me willing to go second, third, fourth mile to serve others’ need and, ultimately, serve God.

The Lord has also blessed me with a friendship that I long sought for. P. Manna is the Country Director’s assistant whose desk is just right behind me. She came here 5 months ago with the bachelor degree in graphic design (I think) from England. She’s from a very strong Christian family who is heavily involved with their church’s ministries. I never imagined we’d get together because her and my life is totally different. She seemed to me like a spoiled rich girl, at first. But we got to spend more time together during lunch break and weekends. Our common ground is movie. So after knowing her, I’ve watched more movies than I did last year in total. Having a friend who cares allows me to be more like myself and gives a sense of belonging and security.

I’m also helping out with the Sunday school class at the church I go to. I assist the 4-5 years old class, which is a lot of FUN! The first time I went was a bit awkward because it was mostly white kids. I know it shouldn’t be difficult because I have some very good Canadian and American friends but they’re adults. Kids are different. So I had to orient my mind all over again and observe their behavior and needs. After the class, I realized that children are the same all over the world. What they need MOST is genuine love and attention, period. It may come in different forms. Some kids may be more demanding while others may choose to hide behind their siblings’ backs. But all of them have potentials to create something fantastic. Just give them the time, a piece of paper and a box of crayons, they’d show you the entire world you need to see.

On a more personal note, God has put me through a very intensive course of abiding, trusting & surrendering and wrestling. There are some struggles since the past that I find it difficult to overcome. Every time I allow my desires to come before God’s, there comes the guilt. Every time I confess my sin and ask for forgiveness, I feel ashamed because it isn’t the first time I do it. So I feel like a liar, unworthy to come before God and want to bury my face in the ground.

David’s acknowledgement of God’s presence resonates with what I experience at the moment:

“7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

There’s nothing to be hidden from God’s sight. Everything is clear as it is day. There’s no point in hiding my sin from Him. But at the same time I’m ashamed to come with dirt in my hands and have to look into His loving eyes and see not anger but forgiveness there.

The Spirit has convicted me. We learned together during devotion that Jesus is the Ruler of our life. He is omnipotent and sovereign. None is like Him. He is the PERFECT masterpiece. Jesus needs not try to reign for He DOES reigns. He simply IS. On the contrary, I, with my human nature, tend to obtain the rights that I shouldn’t have. I try to sit on the throne myself. It feels GOOD to have power, to get what I want, to have ALL the attention to myself and to not be responsible for any consequences of my words or deeds. It feels GREAT to pamper myself.

Hence, failed the angel.

But since NOTHING can be hidden from God’s sight, should I continue to be ashamed and blame myself? Though God has all the rights to judge human, He chooses not to condemn us. Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” Every time I read or hear this verse, I have to breathe a sigh of relief and give thanks to God. There is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus! We, robed in Jesus’ blood, are permitted the entrance to God’s sacred area. No matter how guilty I feel, but when I ask anything in Jesus’ name, I know He will answer.

That leads to the 1st thing I’ve been learning from God – Abiding. To abide means to stay hooked to, to remain, and to keep free of obstructions. The Father is the Vinedresser, Jesus is the Vine and I am the branch. He is saying, “I am the One hooked to the source, the nourishment, not you!” When I remain in Him, I acknowledge His full authority and the submission of self will naturally follow. I need to stay clean (confess my sins), close (spend time with His words) and obedient (do what He says) to God. Abiding is active, not passive. It is a choice to make.

Yet the verse doesn’t end there. Paul continues by saying, “…,who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” We, though accepted and loved by God, MUST NOT take advantage of His grace. One all-time-favorite question for new believers is, “If our sins are forgiven by God, then what’s the point in not sinning?” Aha, repeat this verse with me, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17) Jesus Himself told His disciples that, “no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, he pours new wine into new wineskin.” Whatever reasons we may have to go back to the old way, leave them! Our old life doesn’t fit with the better things Jesus prepares for us.

I know it’s easy said but hard to be done. Yet nothing is too difficult for God. Remember that by abiding in Christ, we have come half way through. When we live by the Spirit, we bear much fruit. Notice when Paul said “the fruit of the Spirit”, he uses it in a singular form. Thus it means that when our life is in tune with the Spirit, this fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) will consequently show. Galatians 5:24-25 says, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”

The 2nd thing I’ve gained is about surrendering & trusting. There are many areas in my life I reserve only for myself. I’m sure many of you go through the phase when the person you trust most is yourself. It may be the time when you apply for college after 12th grade or when you patiently wait for a sign that he/ she may be interested in you or when you have your wedding planned out or when you reserve a room at a romantic resort for your 50th anniversary. You have expectation. You want it to go as planned. You don’t want to be disappointed.

Yet sometimes when life takes its full swing, you somehow find yourself on the floor, defeated. There’s the letter of rejection in your mailbox. The guy/ girl you’re interested is now dating with someone else. Your wedding is called off. The 50th anniversary is turned into a funeral because of cancer.

Who then can we turn to in those unexpected moments? When life is OUT of control, what do we do?

I was fretting about something the other night. I was furiously scribbling stuff I wanted to do down if I could have my way. I chewed on my pen. My mind was reeling. My heart was restless. When I finished writing, I started to read what I wrote. It made no sense to me! A voice came to me asking, “Where is God in all these things?” I was so worried that I couldn’t lay it down at the altar. I refused to let Jesus take the load from me.

So I prayed for God’s forgiveness and lifted the worry before Him. Needless to say, the weight was gone. It was such an incredible feeling…like there’s nothing in the world that I can’t do…if you know what I mean.

Surrendering, I realized, is rewarding but it’s a work one must choose to do everyday. There are many other areas I’m still holding back from Him. And I know that they must be dealt with sooner or later. It isn’t an easy gain but once it’s done it feels GOOD.

Lastly, the 3rd lesson is about wrestling. Not any normal wrestling match. It’s a life-changing, breaking-me-and-making-me-new kind of wrestling with the Supreme Creator. I don’t know about you but I, personally, have a struggle that I find it almost impossible to overcome. Every time I’m tempted, I can do nothing else but yield to the temptation. One day I told God I won’t ever do it again then the next day I’m caught red-handed.

Wrestling with God is a life-long work. The more God’s word is engrained in my heart and the closer I am to Him, the more effort Satan uses to lure me away. It knows my weakness and it gets to the right spot every time. When I give in, I can hear a mocking laugh and a sneering voice saying that I’m as cheap as dirt.

But the Lord promises that He “will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

This wrestling match with God requires determination, persistence and forgiveness. Jacob was wrestling with “the man” until daybreak and he wouldn’t let go until he received the blessing. Eventually at daybreak, the man said to Jacob, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.” (Genesis 32:28) I love the last part, “…and have OVERCOME”. I’m not battling in vain. There is a hope that when I persevere and stand for what is right; I will see God “face to face”. And there’ll be no shame on that day.

On a quest to heaven, we, pilgrims, will have to go through many roads and valleys. But when we are faithful to the end, we will see the glorious light shining before us. We will quickly forget the pain, suffering and tears because there in front of us is the radiant Jesus robed in beautiful garment holding out the crown of life to us who persevere.

My Heart's Yearning

"Since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken,

let us have grace, by which we may serve God."

Hebrews 12:28

God is a God who opens the door and waves His hand, pointing pilgrims to a full table. His invitation is not just for a meal, however. It is for life. An invitation to come into His kingdom and take up residence in a tearless, graveless, painless world. Who can come? Whoever wishes. The invitation is at once universal and personal.

- Max Lucado

And the Angels were Silent

I'm listening to this song "How Deep the Father's Love" right now...and I could see Jesus' face coming up smiling at me. I feel so inadequate...so humble...because of His unconditional love. Even though I sin and turn away from Him, He is forever unchanging. It makes me shameful of how I've treated Him. I said I will stay clean, close and obedient to Him but when something comes along the way and tempts me, I somehow forget what I promised to Him.

I love God...I do...with all my heart. But a lot of times, lots of frustrating times, my desire wins. How I yearn to be rid of the sinful nature for good!

Yet because of His forgiveness, and only because of it, I can be unashamed. Please pray for this spiritual warfare within my heart. I know Jesus has already won the battle but denying myself everyday and taking up the cross IS difficult.

"Oh Lord, please forgive me for my disobedience and for putting myself in a place where I shouldn't have. Thank You for Your blood that washes away my sins. Jesus, I have no desire to take any advantage of Your salvation. I don't want to cheapen Your grace. Please accept this broken heart. Father, You promised that when we humble ourselves and pray and seek Your face and turn from our wicked ways, You will hear from heaven and forgive our sin. Help me, oh God, to be a living sacrifice for You. That people will see You through me.

Thank You for loving us, mankind, so dearly that You should come and die on the cross...to endure the searing pain so that we may have life. God, I commit myself into Your hand. Though the world turns its back to me, I will continue to follow You.

You know that I love you...I DO."

God's Touch

Sometimes the sun causes me weariness but not today. After 3 days of outrageous storm, the sun shines out her graceful rays and causes my heart to sing.

At my first waking hour, her orange swelling ring slowly glided up the horizon to greet me.

When I walked to my workplace, she kept me company giving me the warm morning touch.

After lunch, as I carried a cup of cold Sprite on one hand and a bag of snacks in the other, her blazing power caused me to sweat, reminding me of the summer beach.

When I eventually got home, all tired and discouraged, the last golden beam turned her face to me saying goodnight...you've done well...go to sleep and rest.

Simple things like these are the message of love from God to me. They are not to be ignored but appreciated. A lot of times when life gets hectic, I tend to overlook these miracles.

God is calling for your attention. Do you hear the whisper of the wind? Do you feel the loving hug in the cloak of moon-lit night? Do you see God...smiling in your son's joyful face?

Jesus is everywhere. And His peace, which transcends all understanding, is for me...and for you.

Photo from: http://www.takegreatpictures.com/

Used VS Loved

I got this e-mail from a friend this morning; and after reading, I feel compelled to share it with you. It's about a lifeless object and a soulful human being. Here you go:

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father....with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad, when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions...sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.The next day that man committed suicide.

Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life...Things are to be used and People are to be loved. But the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved...Let's be careful to keep this thought in mind:

Things are to be used, but People are to be loved .

Be yourself.

This is the only day we HAVE.

Have a nice day.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits they become character;

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

God bless you! Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL.

A friend.

Sometimes we are so obsessed with materials that we forget the most priceless treasure we possess - LOVE.

Mink

1st Anniversary Reflection

Today is my 1st anniversary working with Compassion. How incredible that is! Time has flew by, and now I'm about to take on the 2nd year. It's amazing how my life is so different from the past yet, in a sense, it's the same. Different in ways of living, people association and surrounding environment. But the same..as it's still a life I live since the moment I came out of my mother's womb...as I'm still Mink.

Since I stepped off the bus, life has taken so many turns that sometimes I find it hard to breathe easily. It's like being on a roller coster...really. My hands have to grip the bar so tightly that my knuckles turn white. When it gets swooshy, I could almost feel my soul leaving my body. lol That was a bit exaggerating. Anyway, I used to feel like a stranger in my hometown and a guest in my new home. I felt I could burst in excitement as every area of my life was full of adventures. I went through the dark days as I struggled with loneliness and sense of alienation. So many things happened...and it's been only a year.

This morning, the word of God came to me from 2 Corinthians 8:10-12, "And in this I give advice: It is to your advantage not only to be doing what you began and were desiring to do a year ago; but now you also must complete the doing of it; that as there was a readiness to desire it, so there also may be a completion out of what you have. For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have."

Somehow I feel like it's my birthday today. You know, I remember the date very well. There is a significant meaning to it. The day is special to me, and I'm thrilled and excited to recognize and honor it. Yet it's still one of those normal days when people keep on with their daily life. What matters to one may not matter for others. Well, God's word came as a BIG reminder that one cannot only desire and wish what we want will become true. There must be an eager willingness to complete what we set out to do as well. One of dad's wisdom that I still carry on and cherish until today is, "Dream big and fulfill it. If you don't dream, you don't start doing anything."

Yet, as a Christian, to complete what we desire isn't only a matter of our own success. I learn that the job I have in my hand, God's ministry, is ultimately to advance His kingdom. Sure, I've got a job, decent salary and convenient lifestyle but that's not what God had me set out to do. The purposes He has for me are way grander than this - that through my life, children and their families in Compassion projects will be released from poverty (and I'm only just a teeny tiny part in it!); that I will become one of His huge organism and affect one another in godly ways; and that His glory will be magnified through all of us by different circumstances be it good or bad.

The other night, while I was lying on my back in the dark, I began to think of how many days I have left (I was watching The Fellowship of the Ring before that. There was one part Lady Eowyn asked Aragorn how old he was. He said he was 87!!!). My mom is turning 50 years old this year. She has lived quite a long age already...and I realized that she won't be here forever. The fact that we, human, averagely won't last longer than 100 years saddened me a bit. It may seem a long time...a hundred years...but compared to the ancient age of this world and the things living in it, we are but a speck of dust...a character appearing for 10 seconds in a 3-hour grand play...a passing generation.

What am I to do, then, with each passing minute? A lot of times, I feel very small and inadequate when pondering this question. Such demanding needs in this globe. But I learned that if I try to see the whole world with my own eyes, I see nothing but a big screen with blurry scenes flashing in and out. Very confusing. Extremely unclear. However, if I try to see the world in a smaller scale at first, like my family, colleagues, friends or neighbors, it doesn't seem too big to ignore anymore. When I make world my personal concern, I know what to do. :)

So here comes my 2nd year of journey in Chiang-Mai. A few people have asked me how long I'm going to stay here. The answer is - I don't know. I'm awaiting my Captain's command but for now I'm stationed here. And I'll do anything to serve the purposes I'm set out to do. Here's a quote from Sam Gamgee that I find really enlightening and relevant to my reflection:

Sam: It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.

A year has definitely passed...but there will be many more years to come. What are we holding onto? What do we do with what we have? It's yours to answer. Happy my 1st anniversary! :)

Cheers,

Protective Love

Everyone knows how clumsy I am. Not a year gone by without me being injured. Some years are just mild injuries…not so much more than scratches or bruises but some years are just brutal with me falling head long from an ATV bike onto tumbling rocky trail or plunging my leg into a gutter leaving me with hopeless scratchy bruises or running my thigh into a thick nail in the wall causing me to endure 30+ stitches. My family has to always be prepared for me coming home crying with bandages and tending to my very needs while I’m sick or unable to move.

I’m sure everyone has more than one side of personality including me. You may see me as a respecting and sometimes intimidated child but another side of me is stubbornness and tendency to be disobedient. And because of the latter quality of mine, I’ve been experiencing a lot of regretful pain physically and mentally.

One afternoon last week, I talked to my mom on the phone concerning my middle sister, Mai. She said that she didn’t get to sleep much last night because Mai was crying all night long because of her thumb pain. What happened was she was getting out of her friend’s car. While she was closing the door, she wasn’t minding her fingers (it was probably VERY late because she worked the night shift and she was way too exhausted) that the door kinda snapped shut and her thumb was stuck tight in it. Praise God, her friend didn’t shoot off right away or else she would’ve lost her thumb. I wouldn’t be able to bear such a thought.

My heart was suddenly at my toes. This feeling doesn’t come very often, and when it does, it’s so powerful that it shocks me – when my heart is all melted with compassion, sympathy, concern, shock and pain. When my sister is hurt, I’m hurt. When she’s in pain, I, too, am in pain. I wish it was me being there instead of her. Although I knew it would be excruciating, I wouldn’t mind bearing it if my loved ones were safe. I think mothers go through this everyday. Their hearts break when their kids come running into their arms fumbling through words in tears, retelling them of how they were bullied at school or how their teachers scolded them. I think those mothers would want to jump out and set things straight for their children. But sometimes we can’t do that. As much as we want to protect our loved ones, pain is a part of our human life, unavoidable.

Since the fall of human, there were many parts in history God scolded His beloved sons and daughters due to their stubbornness and disobedience. God, the Father, put up so much with these Israelites because their ways of living were leading them to destruction and death. Mom does the same thing. “Don’t go play after dark!” “You aren’t allowed to play outside tonight. Did you finish your homework?” “It’s your life. Make your own choice…wisely please. I can’t do decide for you but I wish you’d rather not do it.” Always, I did what mom told me not to. Always, I came home with marks on my face, scrapes on my knees, bruises on my legs. Always, mom was there to bandage me up and speak soothing words. Stubbornness and disobedience lead to destruction and death. Yet the Father, with His unfailing love and compassion, puts up with us everyday with patience and lovingkindness.

There were also many other times He allowed His people to go through pain as a process of cleansing and purifying. When I look at mom, I see my God staring straight into my eyes. Once I made a choice, mom respected it be it wise or foolish. Sometimes those decisions were utterly stupid, and she knew it would cause me a great deal of pain. Still, she allowed it. Do you think mom was done with me? Do you think her heart made of stone? Do you think she didn’t cry when I was mourning over my mistake or broken relationship? Of course not! But those things happened so I would learn that I wasn’t the only right one, that my pride would be turned into meekness. God isn’t standing afar off and laughing at our failures or pain. He respects our decision and waits patiently for us to return to Him again. Sometimes intervening right in the middle of our mess means disrupting trust and liberty.

I wonder what He feels when His children are suffering. Is it the same kind of feeling I have for my sister? The feeling of wanting to protect and to save her from evil things. Is that why He decided to come down and bear the pain for us when He could no longer watch from the side? That He would rather carry the weight of pain on His shoulders than to see us crying ourselves to sleep every night? Our pain is His.

His mercy is for all. His compassion fails not. His understanding is beyond the knowledge of this world. So He waits…patiently…lovingly…for His children to run into His arms. He sheds tears when we cry. He is in agony when we suffer. Yet He respects us. We can run to the end of the world, yet He will be there ready to protect us when we are in danger and scoop us up into His arms when we fall. What do we do with our loving Father? Are we rejecting Him? Are we causing Him unnecessary pain when all He offers is love and protection?

Another reason we're here

What are we doing? Why are we here? In which purpose of life are we fulfilling? Many different people hope for various different things. We do whatever we can to reach that goal. We lean forward, move ahead and push anything or anyone aside if they're on our way.

Why are we battling? Why are we sneering at one another, trying to stab each other in the back? Why can't we live in harmony, in love and in peace? Do we ever hear one another? Our earphones in place, every move before our eyes is just another silly show. There's nothing to make sense of. There's no one we should care about.

When flooded with anger or guilt, we try to drown it in loud music, liquor bottles, beating, being selfish. What does another human being matter to us anyway? We've got too much of our own lives to care for already? Why should we care?

It's all about questions. And after I read the passage below from Ecclesiastes 1, I wondered what would be the point of living since everything is...

2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."
3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south and turns to the north;
round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from, there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome, more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Where's hope if everything we see is meaningless?

We, human, see ourselves from such narrow perspective, the visible, the only things eyes can see. Problems rise each day within our household: crying baby, broken relationship, drug-addicted kids, unfaithful spouse. Issues go unsolved among nations: terrorism, poverty, corruption, global warming. Everything is all about "us". Life is so messy. We are so busy with these things we forget to focus on the invisible, the unseen.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says, " So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."

I used to climb up a hill around 5 in the evening. When I stood there on the hill top and looked down, I felt like a conqueror of this world. I saw the vast horizon of blue sky streaked with sunset shimmering gold. I also saw narrow branches of rivers expanding its way out into the endless ocean. I glimpsed a perspective of eternity there, and all of my worries and issues seemed to vanish away. They all became "small potatoes". The sun still rises on the east and sets in the west even though there was another bombing blast in the south of Thailand or another newborn baby starved to death in Africa. Sometimes the world seems unkind and unmerciful but it has never lied to us.

Have you ever stopped long enough to hear the message of love from the world and its Creator? Before you go to bed, have you ever paused to breathe in the night air, listen to the rustling of the wind and humming the song of silence when every soul is sleeping? A lot of times we do what we do unconsciously, and we are becoming more like a robot.

Perhaps we should close our eyes for a second and imagine ourselves as blind, deaf and crippled. Perhaps by doing that, we'll realize why we, all of us human, have to live in this world TOGETHER.

"And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." 1 Corinthians 12:26

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

"Without love, you lose." a quote from "Fan Fan la Tulipe"

I hope you find the answer - why on earth are you here for today? I can't speak for everyone but I now know for myself why I'm here for..and I hope you will.

Frustration

Frustrated, tears brimming my eyes
Head throbbing, thoughts buzzing in my head
Trying to muster all the strength
Focusing my mind on what is pleasant

But dark thought came like a hovering shadow
Like heavy clouds rolling in on a rainy day
Unpromising, all too ready to drench and soak
With the outpouring drops of hatred

What am I? Why am I here?
Gazing around, taking the sights in:
People walking in big strides
Smile splashing out on their faces

Have they any care of the world?
Do they know someone's starving?
Do they see someone's injured?
Do they realize someone's dying?

Then there's another kind -
These people inch with shoulders slump
Eyes cast down, cheeks sunken, fingers knotted
Hopeless. Lost. Despair.

Asking myself what kind of person I am
And I couldn't pick which one I'd wanna be
I don't wanna be Herod
But I don't wanna be a beggar

Questions go unanswered
What am I supposed to do?
Don't offer me mercy
And please don't mock me as well

I started on this quest
And I'll be the one to see it to the end
But please be by my side
Let me know that you're here

I'm not what you think I am
I'm not that courageous
I'm not that compassionate
I'm not that smart

I'm just a stubborn girl
Seeking to please the will of her Love
It may be foolish
It may seem pointless

But you know I try....
So don't leave my side
Bring back my life's ecstasy
Burn me with Your fire of passion again