Since I stepped off the bus, life has taken so many turns that sometimes I find it hard to breathe easily. It's like being on a roller coster...really. My hands have to grip the bar so tightly that my knuckles turn white. When it gets swooshy, I could almost feel my soul leaving my body. lol That was a bit exaggerating. Anyway, I used to feel like a stranger in my hometown and a guest in my new home. I felt I could burst in excitement as every area of my life was full of adventures. I went through the dark days as I struggled with loneliness and sense of alienation. So many things happened...and it's been only a year.
This morning, the word of God came to me from 2 Corinthians 8:10-12, "And in this I give advice: It is to your advantage not only to be doing what you began and were desiring to do a year ago; but now you also must complete the doing of it; that as there was a readiness to desire it, so there also may be a completion out of what you have. For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have."
Somehow I feel like it's my birthday today. You know, I remember the date very well. There is a significant meaning to it. The day is special to me, and I'm thrilled and excited to recognize and honor it. Yet it's still one of those normal days when people keep on with their daily life. What matters to one may not matter for others. Well, God's word came as a BIG reminder that one cannot only desire and wish what we want will become true. There must be an eager willingness to complete what we set out to do as well. One of dad's wisdom that I still carry on and cherish until today is, "Dream big and fulfill it. If you don't dream, you don't start doing anything."
Yet, as a Christian, to complete what we desire isn't only a matter of our own success. I learn that the job I have in my hand, God's ministry, is ultimately to advance His kingdom. Sure, I've got a job, decent salary and convenient lifestyle but that's not what God had me set out to do. The purposes He has for me are way grander than this - that through my life, children and their families in Compassion projects will be released from poverty (and I'm only just a teeny tiny part in it!); that I will become one of His huge organism and affect one another in godly ways; and that His glory will be magnified through all of us by different circumstances be it good or bad.
The other night, while I was lying on my back in the dark, I began to think of how many days I have left (I was watching The Fellowship of the Ring before that. There was one part Lady Eowyn asked Aragorn how old he was. He said he was 87!!!). My mom is turning 50 years old this year. She has lived quite a long age already...and I realized that she won't be here forever. The fact that we, human, averagely won't last longer than 100 years saddened me a bit. It may seem a long time...a hundred years...but compared to the ancient age of this world and the things living in it, we are but a speck of dust...a character appearing for 10 seconds in a 3-hour grand play...a passing generation.
What am I to do, then, with each passing minute? A lot of times, I feel very small and inadequate when pondering this question. Such demanding needs in this globe. But I learned that if I try to see the whole world with my own eyes, I see nothing but a big screen with blurry scenes flashing in and out. Very confusing. Extremely unclear. However, if I try to see the world in a smaller scale at first, like my family, colleagues, friends or neighbors, it doesn't seem too big to ignore anymore. When I make world my personal concern, I know what to do. :)
So here comes my 2nd year of journey in Chiang-Mai. A few people have asked me how long I'm going to stay here. The answer is - I don't know. I'm awaiting my Captain's command but for now I'm stationed here. And I'll do anything to serve the purposes I'm set out to do. Here's a quote from Sam Gamgee that I find really enlightening and relevant to my reflection:
Sam: It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.
A year has definitely passed...but there will be many more years to come. What are we holding onto? What do we do with what we have? It's yours to answer. Happy my 1st anniversary! :)
Cheers,
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