Wait...Again?

So...Christmas went by...pretty fast.

Here I am preparing for a new year.

God was merciful to send 3 awesome people to me to spend time with over the Christmas weekend. I had already prepared myself to celebrate it alone...so it was beyond what I expected....the gift given to a grateful heart. Thank You, Father.

On the Christmas night, we were sitting by the river and I was asked to name a few things that I'd like to set as goals and accomplish within the next Christmas. I had 3 things I'm planning to get done...but I actually had more than that. There're many more things I want to have or to do; for example, I want a camera, a laptop computer, a shelf to put my books on and a coffee table for my room; I want to travel abroad, see the world with my own eyes and work among the marginalized.

YET God has a different plan. Since Christmas, He's been speaking the message of waiting to me over and over again...so often that it'd be hard to miss that.

Last Saturday, I was trying to run an errand in town. But every place I went was close. I went to get my skirt that i dropped off at a nearby shop 2 weeks ago only to be asked to wait. Seriously, i waited for 2 weeks...you haven't finished it yet? That was totally my thought at that moment. Then I rode my bike to the night bazaar to get my nails done. Usually, i would just waltz in and get started. Well, the place was packed...and it looked like i'd have to wait 10-15 more minutes. So I just went to another place instead. As I was waiting to cross the street, there came a yellow light with the word "WAIT". I was like, "Whoa! Wait a second, God. I think I'm catching on pretty quickly. You don't have to repeat that over and over again like this. It's pretty scary."

How would you feel when you received a message like this at the beginning of the new year? Wait? Again? Surely, a person's patience has to have some limits? Surely, when a new year comes, you'd want to see some changes or signs that you could move on or stop right here...not the word "wait".

Well, God's ways are not our ways. I have resigned to that fact.

On December 26, I was reading Psalm 37...and these sentences stood out so clearly as if the Lord was telling me what I must do:

"TRUST in the Lord and DO good; (3)

"DELIGHT yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (4)

"COMMIT your way to the Lord; TRUST in Him..." (5)

"BE STILL before the Lord and WAIT patiently for Him;" (7)

"WAIT for the Lord and KEEP His way." (34)

All the capitalized words above are the order from God...clearly instructing and guiding me. As I'm entering into a new year, my mind begins to worry about my future; what I'm gonna do next, where I'll be in a year from now, will I ever have a boyfriend. Waiting can be very tiring, challenging, demanding, frustrating and discouraging.

"I don't wanna wait anymore, God!", I shouted.

Then He gently speaks to me through the words above..."Trust in Me. Delight yourself in Me. I will surely give you the desires of your heart. Just commit your way to Me. Be still and wait patiently for Me. Do as I say."

How could you say "no" to a God who's ever so patient like this?

How could you turn away from such loving Father, who has waited for eternity for a soul to find its way back to Him?

And how could you be impatient when you see the Savior enduring the plight of the cross to redeem human from sins?

The Holy Spirit ministered to me and showed me what I am and what I am not.

Waiting is a sacrifice...a pleasing sacrifice before the eye of the Lord.

Waiting doesn't mean sitting around and doing nothing.It means that we lay what we hold dear to Him and offer all that we have and all that we are to the God who's above and beyond our understanding and imagination.

It means giving up something we think is good to gaining something God thinks is best.

How cool it is to start this year with me "waiting". I am half excited and half scared to see what's going to unfold and what He has in store for me as I wait on Him. I'm going to need a real rejoicing time that I can only find in Jesus when my patience comes to an end. God is going to be my only pure joy and delight when I don't get what I want.

On December 27, I wrote in my journal about the time of waiting with my 2 friends before their bus leave Chiang-Mai. We were hanging out in my room...trying to kill the 1 1/2-hour time. One was reading the Bible and the other one giving me a guitar lesson. We did nothing much...but waited. Here's what I wrote in my journal, "I greatly enjoyed that hour of having nothing to do but waiting. You can do so many memorable things while waiting." We sang some good worship songs together. I, personally, felt the Lord's presence among us.

"Waiting isn't too bad."

So...here I'm waiting....and doing my best...for You, Jesus.