Everyone knows how clumsy I am. Not a year gone by without me being injured. Some years are just mild injuries…not so much more than scratches or bruises but some years are just brutal with me falling head long from an ATV bike onto tumbling rocky trail or plunging my leg into a gutter leaving me with hopeless scratchy bruises or running my thigh into a thick nail in the wall causing me to endure 30+ stitches. My family has to always be prepared for me coming home crying with bandages and tending to my very needs while I’m sick or unable to move.
I’m sure everyone has more than one side of personality including me. You may see me as a respecting and sometimes intimidated child but another side of me is stubbornness and tendency to be disobedient. And because of the latter quality of mine, I’ve been experiencing a lot of regretful pain physically and mentally.
One afternoon last week, I talked to my mom on the phone concerning my middle sister, Mai. She said that she didn’t get to sleep much last night because Mai was crying all night long because of her thumb pain. What happened was she was getting out of her friend’s car. While she was closing the door, she wasn’t minding her fingers (it was probably VERY late because she worked the night shift and she was way too exhausted) that the door kinda snapped shut and her thumb was stuck tight in it. Praise God, her friend didn’t shoot off right away or else she would’ve lost her thumb. I wouldn’t be able to bear such a thought.
My heart was suddenly at my toes. This feeling doesn’t come very often, and when it does, it’s so powerful that it shocks me – when my heart is all melted with compassion, sympathy, concern, shock and pain. When my sister is hurt, I’m hurt. When she’s in pain, I, too, am in pain. I wish it was me being there instead of her. Although I knew it would be excruciating, I wouldn’t mind bearing it if my loved ones were safe. I think mothers go through this everyday. Their hearts break when their kids come running into their arms fumbling through words in tears, retelling them of how they were bullied at school or how their teachers scolded them. I think those mothers would want to jump out and set things straight for their children. But sometimes we can’t do that. As much as we want to protect our loved ones, pain is a part of our human life, unavoidable.
Since the fall of human, there were many parts in history God scolded His beloved sons and daughters due to their stubbornness and disobedience. God, the Father, put up so much with these Israelites because their ways of living were leading them to destruction and death. Mom does the same thing. “Don’t go play after dark!” “You aren’t allowed to play outside tonight. Did you finish your homework?” “It’s your life. Make your own choice…wisely please. I can’t do decide for you but I wish you’d rather not do it.” Always, I did what mom told me not to. Always, I came home with marks on my face, scrapes on my knees, bruises on my legs. Always, mom was there to bandage me up and speak soothing words. Stubbornness and disobedience lead to destruction and death. Yet the Father, with His unfailing love and compassion, puts up with us everyday with patience and lovingkindness.
There were also many other times He allowed His people to go through pain as a process of cleansing and purifying. When I look at mom, I see my God staring straight into my eyes. Once I made a choice, mom respected it be it wise or foolish. Sometimes those decisions were utterly stupid, and she knew it would cause me a great deal of pain. Still, she allowed it. Do you think mom was done with me? Do you think her heart made of stone? Do you think she didn’t cry when I was mourning over my mistake or broken relationship? Of course not! But those things happened so I would learn that I wasn’t the only right one, that my pride would be turned into meekness. God isn’t standing afar off and laughing at our failures or pain. He respects our decision and waits patiently for us to return to Him again. Sometimes intervening right in the middle of our mess means disrupting trust and liberty.
I wonder what He feels when His children are suffering. Is it the same kind of feeling I have for my sister? The feeling of wanting to protect and to save her from evil things. Is that why He decided to come down and bear the pain for us when He could no longer watch from the side? That He would rather carry the weight of pain on His shoulders than to see us crying ourselves to sleep every night? Our pain is His.
His mercy is for all. His compassion fails not. His understanding is beyond the knowledge of this world. So He waits…patiently…lovingly…for His children to run into His arms. He sheds tears when we cry. He is in agony when we suffer. Yet He respects us. We can run to the end of the world, yet He will be there ready to protect us when we are in danger and scoop us up into His arms when we fall. What do we do with our loving Father? Are we rejecting Him? Are we causing Him unnecessary pain when all He offers is love and protection?
Friday, June 26, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Another reason we're here
What are we doing? Why are we here? In which purpose of life are we fulfilling? Many different people hope for various different things. We do whatever we can to reach that goal. We lean forward, move ahead and push anything or anyone aside if they're on our way.
Why are we battling? Why are we sneering at one another, trying to stab each other in the back? Why can't we live in harmony, in love and in peace? Do we ever hear one another? Our earphones in place, every move before our eyes is just another silly show. There's nothing to make sense of. There's no one we should care about.
When flooded with anger or guilt, we try to drown it in loud music, liquor bottles, beating, being selfish. What does another human being matter to us anyway? We've got too much of our own lives to care for already? Why should we care?
It's all about questions. And after I read the passage below from Ecclesiastes 1, I wondered what would be the point of living since everything is...
2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."
3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south and turns to the north;
round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from, there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome, more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Where's hope if everything we see is meaningless?
We, human, see ourselves from such narrow perspective, the visible, the only things eyes can see. Problems rise each day within our household: crying baby, broken relationship, drug-addicted kids, unfaithful spouse. Issues go unsolved among nations: terrorism, poverty, corruption, global warming. Everything is all about "us". Life is so messy. We are so busy with these things we forget to focus on the invisible, the unseen.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says, " So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."
I used to climb up a hill around 5 in the evening. When I stood there on the hill top and looked down, I felt like a conqueror of this world. I saw the vast horizon of blue sky streaked with sunset shimmering gold. I also saw narrow branches of rivers expanding its way out into the endless ocean. I glimpsed a perspective of eternity there, and all of my worries and issues seemed to vanish away. They all became "small potatoes". The sun still rises on the east and sets in the west even though there was another bombing blast in the south of Thailand or another newborn baby starved to death in Africa. Sometimes the world seems unkind and unmerciful but it has never lied to us.
Have you ever stopped long enough to hear the message of love from the world and its Creator? Before you go to bed, have you ever paused to breathe in the night air, listen to the rustling of the wind and humming the song of silence when every soul is sleeping? A lot of times we do what we do unconsciously, and we are becoming more like a robot.
Perhaps we should close our eyes for a second and imagine ourselves as blind, deaf and crippled. Perhaps by doing that, we'll realize why we, all of us human, have to live in this world TOGETHER.
"And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." 1 Corinthians 12:26
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"Without love, you lose." a quote from "Fan Fan la Tulipe"
I hope you find the answer - why on earth are you here for today? I can't speak for everyone but I now know for myself why I'm here for..and I hope you will.
Why are we battling? Why are we sneering at one another, trying to stab each other in the back? Why can't we live in harmony, in love and in peace? Do we ever hear one another? Our earphones in place, every move before our eyes is just another silly show. There's nothing to make sense of. There's no one we should care about.
When flooded with anger or guilt, we try to drown it in loud music, liquor bottles, beating, being selfish. What does another human being matter to us anyway? We've got too much of our own lives to care for already? Why should we care?
It's all about questions. And after I read the passage below from Ecclesiastes 1, I wondered what would be the point of living since everything is...
2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."
3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south and turns to the north;
round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from, there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome, more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Where's hope if everything we see is meaningless?
We, human, see ourselves from such narrow perspective, the visible, the only things eyes can see. Problems rise each day within our household: crying baby, broken relationship, drug-addicted kids, unfaithful spouse. Issues go unsolved among nations: terrorism, poverty, corruption, global warming. Everything is all about "us". Life is so messy. We are so busy with these things we forget to focus on the invisible, the unseen.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says, " So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."
I used to climb up a hill around 5 in the evening. When I stood there on the hill top and looked down, I felt like a conqueror of this world. I saw the vast horizon of blue sky streaked with sunset shimmering gold. I also saw narrow branches of rivers expanding its way out into the endless ocean. I glimpsed a perspective of eternity there, and all of my worries and issues seemed to vanish away. They all became "small potatoes". The sun still rises on the east and sets in the west even though there was another bombing blast in the south of Thailand or another newborn baby starved to death in Africa. Sometimes the world seems unkind and unmerciful but it has never lied to us.
Have you ever stopped long enough to hear the message of love from the world and its Creator? Before you go to bed, have you ever paused to breathe in the night air, listen to the rustling of the wind and humming the song of silence when every soul is sleeping? A lot of times we do what we do unconsciously, and we are becoming more like a robot.
Perhaps we should close our eyes for a second and imagine ourselves as blind, deaf and crippled. Perhaps by doing that, we'll realize why we, all of us human, have to live in this world TOGETHER.
"And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." 1 Corinthians 12:26
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"Without love, you lose." a quote from "Fan Fan la Tulipe"
I hope you find the answer - why on earth are you here for today? I can't speak for everyone but I now know for myself why I'm here for..and I hope you will.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Frustration
Frustrated, tears brimming my eyes
Head throbbing, thoughts buzzing in my head
Trying to muster all the strength
Focusing my mind on what is pleasant
But dark thought came like a hovering shadow
Like heavy clouds rolling in on a rainy day
Unpromising, all too ready to drench and soak
With the outpouring drops of hatred
What am I? Why am I here?
Gazing around, taking the sights in:
People walking in big strides
Smile splashing out on their faces
Have they any care of the world?
Do they know someone's starving?
Do they see someone's injured?
Do they realize someone's dying?
Then there's another kind -
These people inch with shoulders slump
Eyes cast down, cheeks sunken, fingers knotted
Hopeless. Lost. Despair.
Asking myself what kind of person I am
And I couldn't pick which one I'd wanna be
I don't wanna be Herod
But I don't wanna be a beggar
Questions go unanswered
What am I supposed to do?
Don't offer me mercy
And please don't mock me as well
I started on this quest
And I'll be the one to see it to the end
But please be by my side
Let me know that you're here
I'm not what you think I am
I'm not that courageous
I'm not that compassionate
I'm not that smart
I'm just a stubborn girl
Seeking to please the will of her Love
It may be foolish
It may seem pointless
But you know I try....
So don't leave my side
Bring back my life's ecstasy
Burn me with Your fire of passion again
Head throbbing, thoughts buzzing in my head
Trying to muster all the strength
Focusing my mind on what is pleasant
But dark thought came like a hovering shadow
Like heavy clouds rolling in on a rainy day
Unpromising, all too ready to drench and soak
With the outpouring drops of hatred
What am I? Why am I here?
Gazing around, taking the sights in:
People walking in big strides
Smile splashing out on their faces
Have they any care of the world?
Do they know someone's starving?
Do they see someone's injured?
Do they realize someone's dying?
Then there's another kind -
These people inch with shoulders slump
Eyes cast down, cheeks sunken, fingers knotted
Hopeless. Lost. Despair.
Asking myself what kind of person I am
And I couldn't pick which one I'd wanna be
I don't wanna be Herod
But I don't wanna be a beggar
Questions go unanswered
What am I supposed to do?
Don't offer me mercy
And please don't mock me as well
I started on this quest
And I'll be the one to see it to the end
But please be by my side
Let me know that you're here
I'm not what you think I am
I'm not that courageous
I'm not that compassionate
I'm not that smart
I'm just a stubborn girl
Seeking to please the will of her Love
It may be foolish
It may seem pointless
But you know I try....
So don't leave my side
Bring back my life's ecstasy
Burn me with Your fire of passion again
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