The visa story and my ex-nanny

I went to the embassy this morning...and it was very intense. I've never thought applying for visa would reck my nerve so much like this. This has been a very long process indeed...and thanks to all of my friends who have been faithfully praying for me...I can endure the struggles.

The music from my cell phone rang when it was 6:30. I sleepily dragged myself out of bed and got a shower. Another day of my life....tiresome. I was finally ready at 7:30. Without a thought of finding something to munch on the way, I unwillingly left home. Calling to God seemed very urgent and important right then when I felt so desperate and helpless. I was scared. I had no clue what would lie ahead at the embassy. And i would give up the whole dream of going to Canada if this was not God's will.

Everyone knows how I hate formality and practicality. I would slack until my last minute to get my works done. I would suddenly feel sick when someone hands me a stack of paper full of ABCs and there's no picture in it. I am a HUGE procrastinator. But God has enduringly taught me to "grow up". There is no "mummy" to call for anymore since I stepped out of the "teen age" and entered the twenties (A little stop here, by this i mean it's my own business i need to deal with...not that she's gone). There is no more present protection, whom I could turn for a soothing hug, when I am turned down or scolded by strangers. I'm ON MY OWN. I need to be mature.

So let's come back to my embassy situation. When I got to the building, where Starbucks and Au Bon Pain are friends w/ "cool businessmen", I, an uptown girl, walked straight into a bank to buy the cashier cheque. Then I flew up to the 15th floor by a small tricky box called, "lift". Now once I got there, my stress level reached 90 degree...a little bit more and i'm sure i'd explode. There were 10 more applicants to go, so I pulled out my documentations and check again and again and again just in case...When my queue number was called, my heart was pounding so loud that i'm sure a lady sitting beside me could hear. I handed in my papers to the lady officer, who sat behind a big glass window looking like she hasn't had her "go" for 2 days. After a moment of stressful silence, she finally spoke up. "Your visit is during the school year eh?" I said yes. "Then you need your school transcript. The student certificate is not enough. No one will listen to your reasons...not enough proof." While I was managing in my head what those words meant, she shot at me w/ her last remark, "Do you understand? Come back later when you have your transcript".

And that was it.

So shocked as I was, I unconsciously walked out of the office not knowing what to do next. But one little voiced said that I needed to come to school....for what reasons I had no idea just yet....so I obeyed. And here I am...sitting in front of the computer screen feeling like I'd better make a move.

Sometimes we just think that God is like a nanny. We turn to Him for help only when we are desperate and helpless. Then when we get what we want, we just carelessly say thanks and ran away for some fake beauty or fun. Now I learned that He is more than that. He is the one whom all must fear and be trembled because He is the Lord, the Righteousness, the just Judge and the King.

Do pray that I'd learn more about fear and obedience, love and reliance, faith and trust. "Whatever the outcome may be, I will daily trust you, Lord."

A time for everything...

"From this weak, broken-winged sparrow,

You have made it to be a strong eagle with the hawk's vision.

From this bruised, trampled rose,

You have made it to be a fresh, beautiful, delightful sunflower.

From this abandoned, lone scarecrow,

You have made it to be a lively, beloved human who breathes....

I am not the same anymore.

You are the ozone amongst the polluted air,

The sun at the dawn which gracefully gives warmth,

The lovely bright morning star,

The mounting moon in the blanketed night,

The oasis in the vast desert to the parched-throat,

And the rainbow after the rainstorm."

This is my true sincere expression towards my spirituality throughout the time I've been adventuring the world with God. There are times when everything seems to be crumbled down and all dark. But there are also times when the Divine intervenes and my teary eyes are able to see the path clearly again. I know I am not a writer nor a poet...but this I wrote to praise Him, to honor Him, to glorify Him and to thank Him...the Lord God almighty...the One who took human flesh and endured all things so that we are saved.

"Jesus, I love Thee".

"To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, And a time to die;

A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;

A time to kill, And a time to heal;

A time to break down, And a time to build up;

A time to weep, And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, And a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to gain, And a time to lose;

A time to keep, And a time to throw away;

A time to tear, And a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

A time to love, And a time to hate;

A time of war, And a time of peace."

Ecclesiates 3:1-8