“As humans we tend to focus on the immediate. Yet all the while, God is orchestrating the entirety of our lives, using specific details, specific people, specific circumstances, specific words. We tend to look at one piece of the puzzle, while God sees the whole picture as well as the detailed specifics within each piece. We see things in black and white, while God sees things in panoramic color.” John Hull and Tim Elmore from Pivotal Praying
Last night, I was watching the sky from my room around 9 o’clock. Since I’m on the 3rd floor, it is much closer to the heaven’s ground and I could see things clearer. As I searched the dark blue canvas, I was struck at how God’s mighty hands are still moving. The clouds were lazily rolling, the cold silver stars were glittering, and the colors were painted in different shades.
It was a comforting reminder to me that even though all of the things in this world go wrong, He, who is existed, has already drawn out the plans for our lives. And we just have to be submissive to His will by being obedient. While we’re performing the tasks He’s given us to do, we’re assured that God is actually the One who carries out those plans for His glory. I love the chorus from a song called “In Me” by Casting Crowns .
“Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me”
When we’re suffocating from the polluted sinful world and being caught in the whirlpool of busyness, it is the time God demands us to lift our bowed head up and inhale deeply the sweet fragrance of His love.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
Friday, September 26, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
H-O-M-E
When I was young, when someone talked about home, my mind would suddenly picture a big white house with orange roof, an apple tree and a swing at its side. It's said that sometimes children's drawing speaks louder than their words. As a child, every time I drew a picture of home, in spite of different backgrounds (sky, mountains, beach, etc.), it'd always include a house, an apple tree, a swing AND 3 people.
As I grew up, the definition of home has changed from time to time. To me, and likely most of the people, home is where your heart dwells. Though I might be living in a shack or in a deep jungle, I could be home if my heart is there. Where is my heart at the present?
I'm not sure if heart and intimacy are the same, but at least there seems to be some related connection between these two words. One thing I'm strongly certain about, though, is that there can be heart and intimacy when one is engaged in another person's life.
Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group (www.dictionary.com).As I've sojourned on this life of Christianity, I've experienced a lot of defining moments where I feel like home: munching the still-hot homemade cookies with friends, sitting cross-legged on the floor with children drawing pictures or playing games, laughing over the delicious Chicken and cashew nut at Mr.Sombats', snuggling in my mom's arms though it is 32 degree outside, fighting over a toy with my sisters, cleaning GES 2nd floor at 3 in the morning with the girls and almost nodding my head off while watching my friend washing her bathub, lying on my back while seeking warmth for my feet under my friend's cool feet under the cold starry night, getting so squished in a taxi that there was almost no space for air, discussing deep in bible study for 3 hours or simply worshipping God without any musical instruments. The list could keep going on. One thing I notice in all these things, again, is there's ALWAYS people involved.
My heart is in the people whom God created. It is where my home on earth is. Those memories, though not fancy or exotic, are the places where intimacy with another living soul was created. Paul Brand, a world-renowned orthopaedic specialist and leprosy surgeon, "expresses the guiding principle of his medical career this way: ' The most precious possession any human being has is his spirit - his will to live, his sense of dignity, his personality. Though technically we may be concerned with tendons, bones, and nerve endings, we must never lose sight of the person we are treating.'" (Soul Survivor by Yancey).
God sent His Spirit to be among His people. In you, in me, there is the heart of the Sacred Love that nothing in this world can seperate us from. I now begin to see a glimpse of the eternal home as my heart is entwined with His people's spirits. One of the most untalented gifts I have is drawing. And if you ask me to draw a picture of home again, it'd probably still be the same with the plain-looking white house with orange roof, an apple tree and people - only that it'll not be just 3 people anymore but it'd be added to 10, 50, 100 or even 1,000.
Mink
"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love." John 15:9-10 (The Message)
As I grew up, the definition of home has changed from time to time. To me, and likely most of the people, home is where your heart dwells. Though I might be living in a shack or in a deep jungle, I could be home if my heart is there. Where is my heart at the present?
I'm not sure if heart and intimacy are the same, but at least there seems to be some related connection between these two words. One thing I'm strongly certain about, though, is that there can be heart and intimacy when one is engaged in another person's life.
Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group (www.dictionary.com).As I've sojourned on this life of Christianity, I've experienced a lot of defining moments where I feel like home: munching the still-hot homemade cookies with friends, sitting cross-legged on the floor with children drawing pictures or playing games, laughing over the delicious Chicken and cashew nut at Mr.Sombats', snuggling in my mom's arms though it is 32 degree outside, fighting over a toy with my sisters, cleaning GES 2nd floor at 3 in the morning with the girls and almost nodding my head off while watching my friend washing her bathub, lying on my back while seeking warmth for my feet under my friend's cool feet under the cold starry night, getting so squished in a taxi that there was almost no space for air, discussing deep in bible study for 3 hours or simply worshipping God without any musical instruments. The list could keep going on. One thing I notice in all these things, again, is there's ALWAYS people involved.
My heart is in the people whom God created. It is where my home on earth is. Those memories, though not fancy or exotic, are the places where intimacy with another living soul was created. Paul Brand, a world-renowned orthopaedic specialist and leprosy surgeon, "expresses the guiding principle of his medical career this way: ' The most precious possession any human being has is his spirit - his will to live, his sense of dignity, his personality. Though technically we may be concerned with tendons, bones, and nerve endings, we must never lose sight of the person we are treating.'" (Soul Survivor by Yancey).
God sent His Spirit to be among His people. In you, in me, there is the heart of the Sacred Love that nothing in this world can seperate us from. I now begin to see a glimpse of the eternal home as my heart is entwined with His people's spirits. One of the most untalented gifts I have is drawing. And if you ask me to draw a picture of home again, it'd probably still be the same with the plain-looking white house with orange roof, an apple tree and people - only that it'll not be just 3 people anymore but it'd be added to 10, 50, 100 or even 1,000.
Mink
"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love." John 15:9-10 (The Message)
Monday, August 18, 2008
Little by Little
A lot of times, as busyness has become a major part of my day, I tend to forget the main purposes of life. The initial passion for others died down while my selfishness increased. How pride and self-pitiness are the perfect mixture of a soul's destruction!
I've been inwardly suffering from the mentally paralyzed state. Before I came up to work at Compassion, I seemed to be one of the "key" people who was trusted to be involved in critical matters. I was there to help others, not to be helped. Somehow God has recently flipped my script upside down.
It's been very frustrating to me that I'm not in the place where I can do things as conveniently as I used to. As a matter of fact, I feel like I'm partly paralyzed. Everyday as I watch my professional co-workers perform their tasks, I can't help but feeling envious. Though it seems forever to me, it has been nothing but a month and a half since my first day with this organization. While other people are harvesting, I'm just beginning to learn how to plant.
Sigh.
God has His ways to discipline His children. Beloved we are, yet He'd rather choose the hard way. Undoubtedly, that is an act of love. My friend, Heidi Peters, and I used to choose the way to express our love by slapping each other on the back. Sillyness? Yes. But every time we did that, I always walked away feeling happy, and more importantly, loved. Maybe this isn't the best analogy of all, but I think our Father doesn't neglect this strategy either.
Sometimes we need a good "slapping-on-the-back" from God in our daily life so that we may not forget who we are and what we are here for. Some of us may aggressively pursue achievement in the fast-pacing world whereas to some time may have stopped long ago and they just doggedly labor only to feed their empty stomach day by day.
What would life matter then if we let ourselves be consumed by the ways of the world? He really had a big slap for me this past week. And though I don't claim that I'm enlightened, my eyes seem to glimpse the revealing motive more.
I'm pushing myself too hard.
There's no need to be able to run while you are still tumbling.I guess it's in my very own nature. Mom told me that when I wasn't even a year old, as soon as I could stand up, I'd just shoot off to the other side of the room and ran hard into the wall. It was too soon. Look at babies, they don't stand right up and race. Naturally, they take their time as infants learning how to sit, crawl, stand and walk. It's very foolish of me to think that I'd be able to run as fast as everyone now when I can barely plant my feet firmly on this ground.
It's a lesson of humbleness and perserverance. Step by step. Little by little. Day by day.
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
Whose confidence is in Him."
Jeremiah 17:7
I've been inwardly suffering from the mentally paralyzed state. Before I came up to work at Compassion, I seemed to be one of the "key" people who was trusted to be involved in critical matters. I was there to help others, not to be helped. Somehow God has recently flipped my script upside down.
It's been very frustrating to me that I'm not in the place where I can do things as conveniently as I used to. As a matter of fact, I feel like I'm partly paralyzed. Everyday as I watch my professional co-workers perform their tasks, I can't help but feeling envious. Though it seems forever to me, it has been nothing but a month and a half since my first day with this organization. While other people are harvesting, I'm just beginning to learn how to plant.
Sigh.
God has His ways to discipline His children. Beloved we are, yet He'd rather choose the hard way. Undoubtedly, that is an act of love. My friend, Heidi Peters, and I used to choose the way to express our love by slapping each other on the back. Sillyness? Yes. But every time we did that, I always walked away feeling happy, and more importantly, loved. Maybe this isn't the best analogy of all, but I think our Father doesn't neglect this strategy either.
Sometimes we need a good "slapping-on-the-back" from God in our daily life so that we may not forget who we are and what we are here for. Some of us may aggressively pursue achievement in the fast-pacing world whereas to some time may have stopped long ago and they just doggedly labor only to feed their empty stomach day by day.
What would life matter then if we let ourselves be consumed by the ways of the world? He really had a big slap for me this past week. And though I don't claim that I'm enlightened, my eyes seem to glimpse the revealing motive more.
I'm pushing myself too hard.
There's no need to be able to run while you are still tumbling.I guess it's in my very own nature. Mom told me that when I wasn't even a year old, as soon as I could stand up, I'd just shoot off to the other side of the room and ran hard into the wall. It was too soon. Look at babies, they don't stand right up and race. Naturally, they take their time as infants learning how to sit, crawl, stand and walk. It's very foolish of me to think that I'd be able to run as fast as everyone now when I can barely plant my feet firmly on this ground.
It's a lesson of humbleness and perserverance. Step by step. Little by little. Day by day.
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
Whose confidence is in Him."
Jeremiah 17:7
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Beauty
This morning, while I was sitting in church listening to the soft wind whispering outside (I know that I was supposed to pay attention to sermon...but...), my eyes came to behold the beauty of the arranged flowers in a basket. They were of orange, red, pink and yellow colors and of different shapes and styles. Laying aside the bouquet was a plate of grape-wine cups with 3 violet orchid flowers as a "decoration". As the congregation started singing, I couldn't shift my gaze anywhere.
Simple they were, the beauty of the Most High were gracefully displayed to the eyes of a sinner like me.
Though disoriented and out of place, His assurance to me will always be the same, "I AM in control". Though the earth may crumble or the sun be darkened, the same Voice that called me 5 years ago will always say, "You are My beloved, My creation. I will always love you because I do."
Simple they were, the beauty of the Most High were gracefully displayed to the eyes of a sinner like me.
Though disoriented and out of place, His assurance to me will always be the same, "I AM in control". Though the earth may crumble or the sun be darkened, the same Voice that called me 5 years ago will always say, "You are My beloved, My creation. I will always love you because I do."
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Third Week
The longer I'm here, the more I realized how weak I am. Let me just start with this story from Mark Hanlon, the senior vice president of sponsor and donor development of Compassion.:: I Shall Not Be In Want:: From the book, "Blessings of the Poor"
Little did I know how my life could change as I accepted this book from my friend's hand. Never before had I paid much thought and attention to the word "poverty". All I knew was that if I had no money, I was poor. Worry would cloud my heart, and make it inaccessible for Jesus to perform His miracle. I'd try in every way I could to get what I wanted. Seemingly, I won...but in such worldly way.
Since I began my work at Compassion, the organization's core strategy rings in my mind everyday, "Releasing Children from Poverty in Jesus' Name". My first reaction to the statement was "how?". What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to take action? I didn't even know what poverty meant. I imagined myself as a giver, a wealth-bearer, a stronger and more important person. It was always the subject "I" with an "active" sense. Yet as each day passed by, God started to reveal to me...It is actually I who are a receiver, poor and weak.
Living by myself with no support from family or church leaves me with ONLY one thing - God. Each day I find my soul crushed to the ground, crying out for love and mercy. Fear and loneliness tower over me with its vast shadows. Satan is mockingly laughing at me as I'm trembingly cowed under its wings. Slowly, softly came the whispering in the wind, "Call to Me and I will answer you..." (Jeremiah 33:3).
Jesus is the ONLY source of strength, hope, wisdom, love and all that I could ask for. It's the moment when I'm stripped bare...exposed to the glaring eyes of the world that I realize I need to make a choice: either to doggedly labor myself in the bitterness of the world - the realm of Satan, and believe its lie that I'm a frail and insignificant no-one or to have my pride and dignity as God's beloved back by calling out His name, and be set free.
The Lord uses poverty as a strategy to bend the back of those who are prideful. I always question God why did He often bring judgments on nations (whether Israel or others) by destroying them, putting them in ruin. Now I seem to understand a little better. As Paul O'Rourke shared in his story on worship from the same book, "In a materialistic sense, the poor do not have a whole lot of tangible reasons to worship, but they choose to worship anyway. They have taught me that worship is an attitude of the heart and not an emotional response to the right stimuli - an airconditioned auditorium with soft seats and plush carpet; a veritable orchestra and cast of thousands on the platform; good health; a full stomach."
I, we, have too often numb our bodies, minds and spirits with worldly objects that are unquenchable to our thirst.
God strips us bare, leaves us with nothing, so we can turn to Him where there is everything. His desire is for us to solely rely on Him as a child in his father's arm.
May we come to our sense, and know who we actually are.
Mink
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 5:3
"I'd seen lots of poor kids living in squalid conditions, and this was to be just another one. But a home visit in Haiti in 1995 left me unhinged.
An eleven- or twelve-year-old sponsored girl showed us through her home, which was not unlike many others I'd seen. It was a typical Haitian hut. The yard was decorated with rocks, there was no vegetation of which to speak, and the house was made of dung and mud sandwiched roughly between bamboo poles.
The dwelling had four tiny rooms. I remember that the walls were decorated with colourful magazine ads. There were no personal pictures to speak of. The ads were for plain things like soap, hair care products and the like. There was nothing thematic about the decorations; they were colourful and filled a space in the absence of anything better.
An open fire burned in the kitchen. The home was clean- spotless, to be precise. The beds were mattresses on the floor but they were made and not disshevelled. The clothes were hung or neatly folded.
I remember the little girl moving the dirt and collecting the odd leaf and piece of trash. She took great pride and joy in our visit. Amidst the poverty were pride and dignity, and a kidness and contentment that belied the harsh circumstances of their existence. It was an honour for us to be with them.
We asked her to share her favourite Bible verse. It was Psalm 23. I only heard the firsr verse, 'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want', before I began to cry. A mix of shame and anger welled up from somewhere. How could she not be in want? How was there not that huge desire to want more?
My constant and persisten though would be to get out, or get up, or get better. Not to say she didn't have aspirations, but she was content. She had a skirt and blouse and scuffed shoes. I had everything I could ever want or need.
The poor are so much stronger than I am or could ever hope to be. I visit the poor for a day or a week, returning each night to a nice hotel, clean shirts, a hot shower and safe food. They don't leave.
Just becasue they are poor doesn't make them less important. Their economic situation doesn't make them weak as people.
We don't say it, but sometimes we think they should be impressed to have us in their home. All I know is that I was blessed, and this little girl's home was holy ground."
Little did I know how my life could change as I accepted this book from my friend's hand. Never before had I paid much thought and attention to the word "poverty". All I knew was that if I had no money, I was poor. Worry would cloud my heart, and make it inaccessible for Jesus to perform His miracle. I'd try in every way I could to get what I wanted. Seemingly, I won...but in such worldly way.
Since I began my work at Compassion, the organization's core strategy rings in my mind everyday, "Releasing Children from Poverty in Jesus' Name". My first reaction to the statement was "how?". What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to take action? I didn't even know what poverty meant. I imagined myself as a giver, a wealth-bearer, a stronger and more important person. It was always the subject "I" with an "active" sense. Yet as each day passed by, God started to reveal to me...It is actually I who are a receiver, poor and weak.
Living by myself with no support from family or church leaves me with ONLY one thing - God. Each day I find my soul crushed to the ground, crying out for love and mercy. Fear and loneliness tower over me with its vast shadows. Satan is mockingly laughing at me as I'm trembingly cowed under its wings. Slowly, softly came the whispering in the wind, "Call to Me and I will answer you..." (Jeremiah 33:3).
Jesus is the ONLY source of strength, hope, wisdom, love and all that I could ask for. It's the moment when I'm stripped bare...exposed to the glaring eyes of the world that I realize I need to make a choice: either to doggedly labor myself in the bitterness of the world - the realm of Satan, and believe its lie that I'm a frail and insignificant no-one or to have my pride and dignity as God's beloved back by calling out His name, and be set free.
The Lord uses poverty as a strategy to bend the back of those who are prideful. I always question God why did He often bring judgments on nations (whether Israel or others) by destroying them, putting them in ruin. Now I seem to understand a little better. As Paul O'Rourke shared in his story on worship from the same book, "In a materialistic sense, the poor do not have a whole lot of tangible reasons to worship, but they choose to worship anyway. They have taught me that worship is an attitude of the heart and not an emotional response to the right stimuli - an airconditioned auditorium with soft seats and plush carpet; a veritable orchestra and cast of thousands on the platform; good health; a full stomach."
I, we, have too often numb our bodies, minds and spirits with worldly objects that are unquenchable to our thirst.
God strips us bare, leaves us with nothing, so we can turn to Him where there is everything. His desire is for us to solely rely on Him as a child in his father's arm.
May we come to our sense, and know who we actually are.
Mink
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 5:3
Friday, July 25, 2008
Second week
Ah, mom just left. She came up for a brief visit, but what a wonderful time! Her presence brought the warm air from home and comfort. I never realized how fun a meal can be until mom came. Most of the time, I simply grab anything that would quench my thirst or stop my hunger, and go on working. I pour down milk into a cereal bowl in the morning, order some fast food at lunch and ride my bike out in search of any food for dinner. But deep down in my heart, I've missed the fellowship around table, random conversations and noisy talks. This is what she said to me on the first night after I had said a constant nos for all the snacks she offered to me, "Mink, you've changed. You don't eat that much." I never noticed that at all until she pointed it out to me. Eating has been only an act of surviving, not an enjoyable habit since I came here. But now I'm gonna cherish it more, and give thanks to God for what He has blessed me.
Life continues. This week has flown by eventfully. I've become better at work and got well-adjusted with the ways things are. I began to feel comfortable being around my co-workers. I'm more familiar with the area, local people and culture. I'm settling in. :) But Mink is still the same - clumsy.
On Monday I got myself injured while I was walking to Carrefour. I didn't really pay attention to the road that I was walking on because my eyes were so focused on the newly advertised billboard, so apparently I didn't see that there was a pretty big hole in front of me. You can guess the rest of the story. My right leg went right into that hole, and got stuck. Surely no one could help me, so I had to pull myself out and got the wound dressed. Afterwards while I was trying to walk back, a guy on a motorbike approached me and asked me for money. He said that he was from Bangkok, and he lost all money (while he still had his wallet with him). Scared and exhausted, I asked him what he wanted. So he asked if he could "borrow" some 300 baht. Of course I couldn't give him that much...but I felt the urge to give. A scripture from Matthew 25 came to me when Jesus said to the righteous, " 'For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me' "" (Matt. 25:35-36). Though I knew that it was stupid to give money to strangers, at least I did what Jesus may want me to (or I thought so). Money may be a need for me to survive, but when someone asked for help, should I just turn him away though I may be a fool?
Anyway, I also got to go on my very first trip to Chiang-Rai. P.Yui, my colleague, I and a sponsor from USA drove up to meet with his Karen sponsored child and her family. It was definitely a blessed trip. I really had a pleasant ride because 1) I wasn't a driver and 2) there were different kinds of trees and green hills everywhere. When we got to the project, we met up with the staff and were oriented. Then we drove to the child's home which was nearby but the road to her home was so difficult. It was a dirt and rocky road. Yet when we got there, the beauty of the location AND her beauty took my breath away. It was a small bamboo house snug in the vast arm of the hill. To the left, a cliff rose high to the sky. Right in front of me stood a stunning young lady with her traditional white robe smiling shyly and her good looking mom and dad. Their weather-worn brown skins gave us hints of their long labors under the sky. Yet their broad smile that showed all the broken jagged teeth just told me how content they are. So we were invited in and seated at the front porch. It was neat to see the reunion, if I could call this, of the sponsor and the child. They've been corresponding for 8 years but this was their first time of seeing each other. I was sitting there watching these two lives that are totally different and distinctly opposite. One is from a rich country, and money is not a problem while the other one is still trying to make ends meet each day. But again, I guess earthly wealth isn't what a soul is looking for. What I saw in the girl's eyes were the joy to meet someone she has come to love and gratefulness to what she has received.
On Friday night, mom and I just went to the night bazarre and had burger king! Hmm...happy meal it was. Well, I guess I must end here since the internet cafe is closing. Bonne Nuite!In Christ
Life continues. This week has flown by eventfully. I've become better at work and got well-adjusted with the ways things are. I began to feel comfortable being around my co-workers. I'm more familiar with the area, local people and culture. I'm settling in. :) But Mink is still the same - clumsy.
On Monday I got myself injured while I was walking to Carrefour. I didn't really pay attention to the road that I was walking on because my eyes were so focused on the newly advertised billboard, so apparently I didn't see that there was a pretty big hole in front of me. You can guess the rest of the story. My right leg went right into that hole, and got stuck. Surely no one could help me, so I had to pull myself out and got the wound dressed. Afterwards while I was trying to walk back, a guy on a motorbike approached me and asked me for money. He said that he was from Bangkok, and he lost all money (while he still had his wallet with him). Scared and exhausted, I asked him what he wanted. So he asked if he could "borrow" some 300 baht. Of course I couldn't give him that much...but I felt the urge to give. A scripture from Matthew 25 came to me when Jesus said to the righteous, " 'For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me' "" (Matt. 25:35-36). Though I knew that it was stupid to give money to strangers, at least I did what Jesus may want me to (or I thought so). Money may be a need for me to survive, but when someone asked for help, should I just turn him away though I may be a fool?
Anyway, I also got to go on my very first trip to Chiang-Rai. P.Yui, my colleague, I and a sponsor from USA drove up to meet with his Karen sponsored child and her family. It was definitely a blessed trip. I really had a pleasant ride because 1) I wasn't a driver and 2) there were different kinds of trees and green hills everywhere. When we got to the project, we met up with the staff and were oriented. Then we drove to the child's home which was nearby but the road to her home was so difficult. It was a dirt and rocky road. Yet when we got there, the beauty of the location AND her beauty took my breath away. It was a small bamboo house snug in the vast arm of the hill. To the left, a cliff rose high to the sky. Right in front of me stood a stunning young lady with her traditional white robe smiling shyly and her good looking mom and dad. Their weather-worn brown skins gave us hints of their long labors under the sky. Yet their broad smile that showed all the broken jagged teeth just told me how content they are. So we were invited in and seated at the front porch. It was neat to see the reunion, if I could call this, of the sponsor and the child. They've been corresponding for 8 years but this was their first time of seeing each other. I was sitting there watching these two lives that are totally different and distinctly opposite. One is from a rich country, and money is not a problem while the other one is still trying to make ends meet each day. But again, I guess earthly wealth isn't what a soul is looking for. What I saw in the girl's eyes were the joy to meet someone she has come to love and gratefulness to what she has received.
On Friday night, mom and I just went to the night bazarre and had burger king! Hmm...happy meal it was. Well, I guess I must end here since the internet cafe is closing. Bonne Nuite!In Christ
Monday, July 7, 2008
First Week
Greetings from Chiang-Mai
This is the beginning of my 2nd week here. Life goes by quicker than I first thought. I've made new friends, learned new facts and gone on a lot of adventures. It's amazing how my life could change so much: being on my own, having unlimited adventures, witnessing such eye-opening truths, being so close to the nature. Here it is in Chiang-Mai. Here I am in the hands of God.
My day usually starts at 6:30 if I could kick myself out of bed (but usually I'd ignore the clock...and go on sleeping...bad bad). There're lots of time to take a shower, get ready, pray and read and have breakfast because where I live is sharing the same wall with where I work. :) Everyday we have devotion "supposedly" for a half an hour, but most days we spend an hour. So I don't get to start an actual work until 9.
As to answer to the question, "what am I doing exactly?", I am positioned as a tour and visit specialist. I am like a representative, a front-line person for the organization. I'd be the one who gets in touch with the partner countries, sponsors or donors who wish to come visit projects in Thailand. Briefly, I'd do my best to provide as much convenience concerning the visit, and most importantly as much needed information and knowledge of the ministry, projects and children as possible. I act as a part of the advocacy campaign for children. My part is also to encourage the sponsors/ donors to play more important part - that is to be an advocate - by showing them what we, Compassion Thailand, are doing.
So that's briefly what I'm up and about. :) Please pray for my adjustment to the job, people and the living here. It's a challenge but I'm certain that this is where the Lord calls me. I'm also going to a church just a little bit out of town. It's a small church with 20 members, all kinds of people. They do college and prison ministries that I'm now interested in. This church was started by two of my friends since last December. And you'd be surprised if I told you that there're many churches and christians in Chiang-Mai, but they're mostly scattered and shepherdless. Hopefully I can tell you more in my next post. Stay tuned!
Be blessed,
This is the beginning of my 2nd week here. Life goes by quicker than I first thought. I've made new friends, learned new facts and gone on a lot of adventures. It's amazing how my life could change so much: being on my own, having unlimited adventures, witnessing such eye-opening truths, being so close to the nature. Here it is in Chiang-Mai. Here I am in the hands of God.
My day usually starts at 6:30 if I could kick myself out of bed (but usually I'd ignore the clock...and go on sleeping...bad bad). There're lots of time to take a shower, get ready, pray and read and have breakfast because where I live is sharing the same wall with where I work. :) Everyday we have devotion "supposedly" for a half an hour, but most days we spend an hour. So I don't get to start an actual work until 9.
As to answer to the question, "what am I doing exactly?", I am positioned as a tour and visit specialist. I am like a representative, a front-line person for the organization. I'd be the one who gets in touch with the partner countries, sponsors or donors who wish to come visit projects in Thailand. Briefly, I'd do my best to provide as much convenience concerning the visit, and most importantly as much needed information and knowledge of the ministry, projects and children as possible. I act as a part of the advocacy campaign for children. My part is also to encourage the sponsors/ donors to play more important part - that is to be an advocate - by showing them what we, Compassion Thailand, are doing.
So that's briefly what I'm up and about. :) Please pray for my adjustment to the job, people and the living here. It's a challenge but I'm certain that this is where the Lord calls me. I'm also going to a church just a little bit out of town. It's a small church with 20 members, all kinds of people. They do college and prison ministries that I'm now interested in. This church was started by two of my friends since last December. And you'd be surprised if I told you that there're many churches and christians in Chiang-Mai, but they're mostly scattered and shepherdless. Hopefully I can tell you more in my next post. Stay tuned!
Be blessed,
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The Journey to the Father
*This is the first time in my life I could actually put down my story into words. I spent 5 hours writing this as to be sent along with other application papers. But i thought it'd be cool to share this with anyone who wants to read this. So enjoy! I hope you're encouraged at some points. :)
My name is Tuangporn Wiroonchatapunth. I am 24 years old. I now live in Nonthaburi with my mother and two younger sisters. I graduated from Silpakorn University, majored in English and minored in Tour Guide. I am a friendly and outgoing person, but I also tend to be an introvert who adores solitude and peacefulness. I love to get busy with jobs and people, but if there is some spare time, my favorite activities are reading, writing, listening to music and traveling. I would like to break down my journey from the past to the present into 3 stages: the questioning, the seeking and the pursuit.
The Questioning
Just like other Buddhist families, I was raised among idol-worshippers, and taught to do good in order to gain a ticket-pass to heaven. My father used to be a monk for 3 months. My mother was a devout Buddhist who never ceased to pray, make merits and go to temples. My other relatives on both sides are very strict when it comes to rituals and ceremonies. They hardly miss any occasions. My aunt used to offer her body as a temporary abode of a former king’s spirit’s brief visits. She is now a vegetarian. Being surrounded by such belief and tradition, it was doubtless that I had adopted the same motif in living; self-reliance.
I followed my parents’ steps. I was a temple-goer. I never forgot to pray before bed. I could also memorize some lengthy chants. The most important thing of all, I feared death. Ironically, though I tried to obey all rules and made plenty of merits, I was never sure and convinced that I would actually go to heaven. It seemed like the deeds I had done were never enough. Often, I was troubled by the scenes of hell, the fear of passing into the shadow and the nagging curiosity about the after death. I always found myself thinking about what-ifs: what if I died to day; what if the world came to an end; what if the universe didn’t actually exist. What then? Where would I be? What of the others? Would there be any consciousness left in me to be aware of what was going on? And the questions continued. Every time I tried to find a sensible answer, I would be pulled back to the beginning. The thought worked in a cycle. It did not lead me anywhere but nothingness - an utter darkness, a void. The more I spent time thinking about them, the more I got depressed. So, for a while, I pretended to forget and lived only for the moment.
The Seeking
Life went on until I entered into the turning point when my father passed away. He died of bone cancer when I was 15 years old. It was painful, unwelcome and shocking. Dad was my hero. I would usually be seen doing something alongside him: washing our cars, going to movies, reading newspapers, etc. I was daddy’s girl. When I learned that he passed away, my whole world was crumbling right before my eyes. Things were hopeless, and it was almost impossible to get a clear vision of how we, as a family, would go on without the pillar of the household. Those months of mourning were dragged by slowly. Each morning I awoke feeling cumbersome. Each night I went to sleep with loneliness and fear wondering where his spirit would be. The only strength and comfort I could find during that time was from my mother and sisters. Though we gave offerings to monks and did what a good Buddhist was supposed to, I always wondered if it would be any effective. It seemed to me that nothing could stop the forcing power of death, not even the Buddha himself. Despair was my constant companion for the knowledge beyond this world’s realm was too great for me to comprehend.
Being unable to acknowledge the eternal purpose, I thus shifted my focus back into the worldly goals: achievement and success. In high school, I was ranked as one of the top ten students in my class. I had a group of decent friends. My mom had her business going. We were settled in a new house and happy. I also started dating a senior student when I was in grade 11. Seemingly, life was good. After a while, Buddhism had become an obligated religious system of duties and responsibilities, not lifestyle. Yet, deep down in my heart, I was longing to know what lies beyond this world, and still searching for the true meaning of life.
In June 2002, I got a chance to go to an English camp arranged by the Campus Crusade for Christ. I went without much expectation. My only hope and desire was to practice my English with the native-tongues, and to meet new friends. While I was there, I was introduced to the sacrificial love of Christ. My eyes were opened to the truth concerning life and death. During my time at the camp, all the questions I had had were answered on the cross where Jesus died, and my hope in life beyond this world was found in the empty tomb. I realized that I was a prisoner of sins and the bitter past. I reckoned that the self-reliant ways of Buddhism would lead me nowhere near heaven; and no gods in this world could save me from hell but this One. I knew that I needed Him to redeem me. So I received Jesus Christ the Lord into my life.
The Pursuit
I might as well wrap it up now since the story seemed to have a happy ending. But real life is not a fairy tale for the quest is just about to begin (though I could claim that I know how it will end).
When I delivered the news to my mom and sisters, they were neither oppressing nor encouraging. Difficult as it was to be an only Christian in the family, plus being afraid to be a black sheep, I finally yielded to temptations after a month of struggling. I was drawn back into the same tide of worshipping idols. Every single time my head bowed down for those lifeless images, there was always a pang of guilt in my heart. And for a brief moment, I would remember the sweet fragrance of love and the fullness of life in Christ, and long to be back there once again. But the feeling of unworthiness stopped me from repenting. I would hear a mocking voice saying that there was no way to go back since I chose the ways of the world. I would be reminded that I was just a human unworthy of forgiveness, and everything in the camp was nothing but a sweet dream. I would only look up some encouraging bible verses once in a while for comfort, but I dared not claim the rights of salvation.
December 2002 came. One night I got a phone call from my boyfriend who told me that our relationship could go no further than just friends. I was brokenhearted. The same “world-crumbling” happened again that night. I felt betrayed and wondered if there would be any true love apart from my family in this world. After a few weeks of crying and pitying myself, the memories of love and friendship from the English camp began to flow back into my mind like a stream of river again. It was at that time when there was nothing left in my life I remembered God and His love, and actually surrendered my will to Him.
Thus began the pursuit. I spent time reading His words and pondering the truth until I found myself on my knees praying for forgiveness. The Light of hope and joy took place in my spent and weary heart. After conviction, I started to attend church nearby my living area. Nonthaburi Baptist Church has been my spiritual home ever since. Two years later, my mother came to salvation followed by my 2 sisters in a year later. Jesus is the Lord of my life. Each day I find life more meaningful and full of purposes when I abide in Him and seek His will. Though I cannot deny that I still do struggle with sins everyday, I have a hope that, as I pass through each valley, I would be stepping a little higher on the mountain to where He dwells and becoming more conformed into Christ’s likeness.
I do not know about the future. I have no idea where He will lead me next. But one thing I am certain of is that I do know where my true home lies. I want to spend the time He has given to me here on earth to get to know Him more and to live for Him. I have a passion to share this gift of salvation and the Good News to people in the world and guide them the way into God’s kingdom as it is stated in Hebrews 12:28 that, “therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God…”
J.R.R. Tolkien once wrote a song in his novel, the Lord of the rings, when Bilbo ventured off his home:
For me, life is an eternal quest, an endless journey, a life-long pursuit. I do not want to rob myself from that journey by giving in to the fear of the unknown
My name is Tuangporn Wiroonchatapunth. I am 24 years old. I now live in Nonthaburi with my mother and two younger sisters. I graduated from Silpakorn University, majored in English and minored in Tour Guide. I am a friendly and outgoing person, but I also tend to be an introvert who adores solitude and peacefulness. I love to get busy with jobs and people, but if there is some spare time, my favorite activities are reading, writing, listening to music and traveling. I would like to break down my journey from the past to the present into 3 stages: the questioning, the seeking and the pursuit.
The Questioning
Just like other Buddhist families, I was raised among idol-worshippers, and taught to do good in order to gain a ticket-pass to heaven. My father used to be a monk for 3 months. My mother was a devout Buddhist who never ceased to pray, make merits and go to temples. My other relatives on both sides are very strict when it comes to rituals and ceremonies. They hardly miss any occasions. My aunt used to offer her body as a temporary abode of a former king’s spirit’s brief visits. She is now a vegetarian. Being surrounded by such belief and tradition, it was doubtless that I had adopted the same motif in living; self-reliance.
I followed my parents’ steps. I was a temple-goer. I never forgot to pray before bed. I could also memorize some lengthy chants. The most important thing of all, I feared death. Ironically, though I tried to obey all rules and made plenty of merits, I was never sure and convinced that I would actually go to heaven. It seemed like the deeds I had done were never enough. Often, I was troubled by the scenes of hell, the fear of passing into the shadow and the nagging curiosity about the after death. I always found myself thinking about what-ifs: what if I died to day; what if the world came to an end; what if the universe didn’t actually exist. What then? Where would I be? What of the others? Would there be any consciousness left in me to be aware of what was going on? And the questions continued. Every time I tried to find a sensible answer, I would be pulled back to the beginning. The thought worked in a cycle. It did not lead me anywhere but nothingness - an utter darkness, a void. The more I spent time thinking about them, the more I got depressed. So, for a while, I pretended to forget and lived only for the moment.
The Seeking
Life went on until I entered into the turning point when my father passed away. He died of bone cancer when I was 15 years old. It was painful, unwelcome and shocking. Dad was my hero. I would usually be seen doing something alongside him: washing our cars, going to movies, reading newspapers, etc. I was daddy’s girl. When I learned that he passed away, my whole world was crumbling right before my eyes. Things were hopeless, and it was almost impossible to get a clear vision of how we, as a family, would go on without the pillar of the household. Those months of mourning were dragged by slowly. Each morning I awoke feeling cumbersome. Each night I went to sleep with loneliness and fear wondering where his spirit would be. The only strength and comfort I could find during that time was from my mother and sisters. Though we gave offerings to monks and did what a good Buddhist was supposed to, I always wondered if it would be any effective. It seemed to me that nothing could stop the forcing power of death, not even the Buddha himself. Despair was my constant companion for the knowledge beyond this world’s realm was too great for me to comprehend.
Being unable to acknowledge the eternal purpose, I thus shifted my focus back into the worldly goals: achievement and success. In high school, I was ranked as one of the top ten students in my class. I had a group of decent friends. My mom had her business going. We were settled in a new house and happy. I also started dating a senior student when I was in grade 11. Seemingly, life was good. After a while, Buddhism had become an obligated religious system of duties and responsibilities, not lifestyle. Yet, deep down in my heart, I was longing to know what lies beyond this world, and still searching for the true meaning of life.
In June 2002, I got a chance to go to an English camp arranged by the Campus Crusade for Christ. I went without much expectation. My only hope and desire was to practice my English with the native-tongues, and to meet new friends. While I was there, I was introduced to the sacrificial love of Christ. My eyes were opened to the truth concerning life and death. During my time at the camp, all the questions I had had were answered on the cross where Jesus died, and my hope in life beyond this world was found in the empty tomb. I realized that I was a prisoner of sins and the bitter past. I reckoned that the self-reliant ways of Buddhism would lead me nowhere near heaven; and no gods in this world could save me from hell but this One. I knew that I needed Him to redeem me. So I received Jesus Christ the Lord into my life.
The Pursuit
I might as well wrap it up now since the story seemed to have a happy ending. But real life is not a fairy tale for the quest is just about to begin (though I could claim that I know how it will end).
When I delivered the news to my mom and sisters, they were neither oppressing nor encouraging. Difficult as it was to be an only Christian in the family, plus being afraid to be a black sheep, I finally yielded to temptations after a month of struggling. I was drawn back into the same tide of worshipping idols. Every single time my head bowed down for those lifeless images, there was always a pang of guilt in my heart. And for a brief moment, I would remember the sweet fragrance of love and the fullness of life in Christ, and long to be back there once again. But the feeling of unworthiness stopped me from repenting. I would hear a mocking voice saying that there was no way to go back since I chose the ways of the world. I would be reminded that I was just a human unworthy of forgiveness, and everything in the camp was nothing but a sweet dream. I would only look up some encouraging bible verses once in a while for comfort, but I dared not claim the rights of salvation.
December 2002 came. One night I got a phone call from my boyfriend who told me that our relationship could go no further than just friends. I was brokenhearted. The same “world-crumbling” happened again that night. I felt betrayed and wondered if there would be any true love apart from my family in this world. After a few weeks of crying and pitying myself, the memories of love and friendship from the English camp began to flow back into my mind like a stream of river again. It was at that time when there was nothing left in my life I remembered God and His love, and actually surrendered my will to Him.
Thus began the pursuit. I spent time reading His words and pondering the truth until I found myself on my knees praying for forgiveness. The Light of hope and joy took place in my spent and weary heart. After conviction, I started to attend church nearby my living area. Nonthaburi Baptist Church has been my spiritual home ever since. Two years later, my mother came to salvation followed by my 2 sisters in a year later. Jesus is the Lord of my life. Each day I find life more meaningful and full of purposes when I abide in Him and seek His will. Though I cannot deny that I still do struggle with sins everyday, I have a hope that, as I pass through each valley, I would be stepping a little higher on the mountain to where He dwells and becoming more conformed into Christ’s likeness.
I do not know about the future. I have no idea where He will lead me next. But one thing I am certain of is that I do know where my true home lies. I want to spend the time He has given to me here on earth to get to know Him more and to live for Him. I have a passion to share this gift of salvation and the Good News to people in the world and guide them the way into God’s kingdom as it is stated in Hebrews 12:28 that, “therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God…”
J.R.R. Tolkien once wrote a song in his novel, the Lord of the rings, when Bilbo ventured off his home:
“The Road goes ever on and
from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can.
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.”
For me, life is an eternal quest, an endless journey, a life-long pursuit. I do not want to rob myself from that journey by giving in to the fear of the unknown
The Road Goes Ever On And On
Waiting on the Lord is so rewarding. It's beyond my words can say. For six years I've fought in this pursuit of this Arts degree. Now it's over. I don't have classes to go to anymore...nor do I have to be worried about the "due assignments". Weird how it feels empty. Never in my life have I had such mixed feelings: sad but happy, nervous but excited. I was told that there's always a new chapter to begin in this book of life. And now my turn has come after enthusiastically watching many people take on their journeys. The previous chapter is drawing its curtain, and the new one is about to begin.
I am now officially graduated, and about to set out to Chiang-Mai for my new job. It happened so fast that it is still magical. I applied for a job at Compassion International as a director's secretary two weeks ago. Iniatially, there was another spot that would fit me perfectly - Tour and Visit Specialist, but the position got close somehow. So I went for the secretary. I spent a whole month praying and seeking His will because I was really doubtful. The more I sought, the more I felt certain. There was one morning I read in Ezekiel 12, and this verse struck me with such harsh blow. It says, " 'Son of man, you dwell in the midst of a rebellious house, which has eyes to see but does not see, and ears to hear but does not hear;...' (Ezekiel 12:2)" And I personally felt like it was a desperate message from God to this stubborn and hard-headed daughter. There were so many signs earlier that I could allow myself to be sure but I denied them all. First of all, I hate to think of myself working to my bones but do nothing to benefit the others. My passion isn't to sign in at 8:00 and sign out at 5:00 nor to receive a big wad of cash at the end of the month. It may sound ridiculous, which undeniably it does...but...I had this tingly feeling that there should be something more than a mendatory schedule for my life. Second, I often found myself thinking about my countrymen who hardly have any opportunities in society at all. But most importantly, my heart is moved when I see these people so bound in the tide of traditional religious duties and system. Every time I see those on tv, I always hope that their chains would be broke.
I know that these signs aren't tangible but, if you are one of Jesus' followers, you do know what His voice is like. Yet i must admit that I was really hard on myself, and I never allowed any positive thought that I would get the job until I actually heard it. The interview on last Friday went well even though my performance on computer test was way too poor. Man, i've worked in the church office for four years but never have I had to make a statistic chart. I didn't even complete each task I was given at all. There were three programs: Words, Power Point and Excel. And I'd say my skills in these three programs are quite fine and efficient but making chart is a killer. So yah, I didn't expect much afterwards.Anyway, the interview questions were all about the applied position - secretary. But later on, I got to talk to one of the interviewers, who is also my friend. And she asked me if I would rather work as the tour and visit specialist because my skills are more qualified in this field. Of course I am! So without even expecting, I now have got a job at Compassion International as a tour and visit specialist. And man, it just fits me perfectly. I get to travel, take care and serve people while I serve the Lord. Plus, I am also involved in the children ministry that supports kids who lack opportunities. My job starts on July 1st. Actually, I don't start working right away because there'll be a fast-and-pray session in the morning, and the orientation in the afternoon. So it's gonna be a good preparation for me.
But in all these good news and excitement, I can't help feeling sad. It hit me hard this morning that I am actually leaving so many things behind: my beloved mom and sisters, the most amazing friends at church, GES and newsong, etc. There're so many memories out here. Yet I'm not moving far. Chiang-Mai is 9-hour bus ride, 12-hour train ride and 1-hour plane ride. I guess it's just moving out of my comfort zone that's scary but I have never been more excited. :) So wish me luck, guys. Wait, christians don't do luck, do we? ;) Prayers will be a good doze of comfort from you, my beloved siblings in the Spirit, to me.
With much love,Mink ^-^
"Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31
I am now officially graduated, and about to set out to Chiang-Mai for my new job. It happened so fast that it is still magical. I applied for a job at Compassion International as a director's secretary two weeks ago. Iniatially, there was another spot that would fit me perfectly - Tour and Visit Specialist, but the position got close somehow. So I went for the secretary. I spent a whole month praying and seeking His will because I was really doubtful. The more I sought, the more I felt certain. There was one morning I read in Ezekiel 12, and this verse struck me with such harsh blow. It says, " 'Son of man, you dwell in the midst of a rebellious house, which has eyes to see but does not see, and ears to hear but does not hear;...' (Ezekiel 12:2)" And I personally felt like it was a desperate message from God to this stubborn and hard-headed daughter. There were so many signs earlier that I could allow myself to be sure but I denied them all. First of all, I hate to think of myself working to my bones but do nothing to benefit the others. My passion isn't to sign in at 8:00 and sign out at 5:00 nor to receive a big wad of cash at the end of the month. It may sound ridiculous, which undeniably it does...but...I had this tingly feeling that there should be something more than a mendatory schedule for my life. Second, I often found myself thinking about my countrymen who hardly have any opportunities in society at all. But most importantly, my heart is moved when I see these people so bound in the tide of traditional religious duties and system. Every time I see those on tv, I always hope that their chains would be broke.
I know that these signs aren't tangible but, if you are one of Jesus' followers, you do know what His voice is like. Yet i must admit that I was really hard on myself, and I never allowed any positive thought that I would get the job until I actually heard it. The interview on last Friday went well even though my performance on computer test was way too poor. Man, i've worked in the church office for four years but never have I had to make a statistic chart. I didn't even complete each task I was given at all. There were three programs: Words, Power Point and Excel. And I'd say my skills in these three programs are quite fine and efficient but making chart is a killer. So yah, I didn't expect much afterwards.Anyway, the interview questions were all about the applied position - secretary. But later on, I got to talk to one of the interviewers, who is also my friend. And she asked me if I would rather work as the tour and visit specialist because my skills are more qualified in this field. Of course I am! So without even expecting, I now have got a job at Compassion International as a tour and visit specialist. And man, it just fits me perfectly. I get to travel, take care and serve people while I serve the Lord. Plus, I am also involved in the children ministry that supports kids who lack opportunities. My job starts on July 1st. Actually, I don't start working right away because there'll be a fast-and-pray session in the morning, and the orientation in the afternoon. So it's gonna be a good preparation for me.
But in all these good news and excitement, I can't help feeling sad. It hit me hard this morning that I am actually leaving so many things behind: my beloved mom and sisters, the most amazing friends at church, GES and newsong, etc. There're so many memories out here. Yet I'm not moving far. Chiang-Mai is 9-hour bus ride, 12-hour train ride and 1-hour plane ride. I guess it's just moving out of my comfort zone that's scary but I have never been more excited. :) So wish me luck, guys. Wait, christians don't do luck, do we? ;) Prayers will be a good doze of comfort from you, my beloved siblings in the Spirit, to me.
With much love,Mink ^-^
"Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31
Sunday, April 6, 2008
...God knows...
I have so many things on my mind right now. And I'm being all by myself with a computer that, apparently, cannot converse with me. So this is a way of redeeming myself in this confusion and loneliness.
Here it comes again. This is probably one of the toughest time of the year. I just happen to be a fortunate person who gets to be a part of this journey along with the other GES teachers. I get to meet new people, establish friendship, learn new things from the other side of the world where i've never been before, experience the "life" outside of my shell, and say goodbye to the ones I love and care pretty much every single year.
But you know, I've only been a part of it. I've watched these wonderful men and women labor on their jobs, struggle with cross-cultural differences and rejoice over their success. Yet I've never been the one who actually experiences it.
It hit me really hard when I sit down and spend time pondering on the situation in my life right now...I am just clueless. It's like I've been taking a walk in this vast jungle on one spring morning...enjoying the birds chirping, the squirrels scurrying from one branch to another, the blooming flowers, the peaceful river...when in all of a sudden, there comes the multiple separated trails. Each one doesn't give me any clear paths. Suddenly I feel helpless and uncertain of the roads ahead.
Now I want to run back to my home sweet home where safety and security are promised. Here are my choices: do I want to continue be a mama's baby, sucking her thumb and begging for food or do i want to become a strong strider of the jungle who unsheaths her sword bravely when danger comes?
Oh, the answer is predictable. I wish for the latter choice. But my question is how do I get there? Really...how do I reach that point when at this present time I am merely clueless.
You tell me.
"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them." - Psalm 139:16
It is my hope to continue to trust in the Lord's plan even though it seems hopeless, to hold tight to the last string of faith and believe with all my heart that there is something waiting for me out there. My friend, Emily, spoke right into my heart when I was whining about my uncertain future. I moaned, "I just don't know what to do with my future. I don't know." Then she quietly replies, "But God knows."
Yes, God knows. It's no use trying to get all these questions answered in my time. Sometimes it is more thrilling to stand and witness His miraculous work. I don't know where I'm going to be in a year to come. And honestly, I'm scared...but...I'm also excited as well.
"Be still and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10
Here it comes again. This is probably one of the toughest time of the year. I just happen to be a fortunate person who gets to be a part of this journey along with the other GES teachers. I get to meet new people, establish friendship, learn new things from the other side of the world where i've never been before, experience the "life" outside of my shell, and say goodbye to the ones I love and care pretty much every single year.
But you know, I've only been a part of it. I've watched these wonderful men and women labor on their jobs, struggle with cross-cultural differences and rejoice over their success. Yet I've never been the one who actually experiences it.
It hit me really hard when I sit down and spend time pondering on the situation in my life right now...I am just clueless. It's like I've been taking a walk in this vast jungle on one spring morning...enjoying the birds chirping, the squirrels scurrying from one branch to another, the blooming flowers, the peaceful river...when in all of a sudden, there comes the multiple separated trails. Each one doesn't give me any clear paths. Suddenly I feel helpless and uncertain of the roads ahead.
Now I want to run back to my home sweet home where safety and security are promised. Here are my choices: do I want to continue be a mama's baby, sucking her thumb and begging for food or do i want to become a strong strider of the jungle who unsheaths her sword bravely when danger comes?
Oh, the answer is predictable. I wish for the latter choice. But my question is how do I get there? Really...how do I reach that point when at this present time I am merely clueless.
You tell me.
"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them." - Psalm 139:16
It is my hope to continue to trust in the Lord's plan even though it seems hopeless, to hold tight to the last string of faith and believe with all my heart that there is something waiting for me out there. My friend, Emily, spoke right into my heart when I was whining about my uncertain future. I moaned, "I just don't know what to do with my future. I don't know." Then she quietly replies, "But God knows."
Yes, God knows. It's no use trying to get all these questions answered in my time. Sometimes it is more thrilling to stand and witness His miraculous work. I don't know where I'm going to be in a year to come. And honestly, I'm scared...but...I'm also excited as well.
"Be still and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Pride
Have you ever had this experience when your heart pierced and stung so painfully that you feel wholeheartedly ready to crush someone down because of their pride? I have. A lot of times in my Christian life, I find it hard to play a Cinderella when the injustice and wrongdoings are being done right in front of my eyes. I suddenly feel a strong sense of hatred towards those people. And all I want to do is to cause them pain the way they’ve done to me.
I know. I am a fool, like Nabal, Abigail’s prideful husband. I am no different than those ones I’m accusing of. I’m carrying my pride on my head like a golden crown when actually it’s just nothing but a wooden one. I’m stubborn just as a donkey is, and as stiff-necked as the Israelites were during the wandering time in the desert. Ernest Gordon, a PoW during the WWII in a Japanese camp, once wrote:
Death was still with us – no doubt about that. But we were slowly being freed from its destructive grip…Selfishness, hatred…and pride were all anti-life. Love…self-sacrifice…and faith, on the other hand, were the essence of life…gifts of God to men…Death no longer had the last word at Chungkai.
It’s hard to think of Jesus when the fire of anger stirred up in me. But think I must. Jesus is God who created heaven and earth…but…He is also the One who lowered Himself down to wash the twelve men’s feet with such humbleness and meekness.
If He so loved us, can we not love each other? Having been forgiven, can we not forgive? Having feasted at the table of grace, can we not share a few crumbs? "My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other" (1 John 4:11 MSG).
Facing Your Giant, Max Lucado
"Pride makes me cry
And I’m tired of being tried
Persecution, pressures, trials
What are these?
Beads of sweat drippin’ on to dirt
My back’s bent, my knees hurt
And now I’m watching those proud dudes
Casually waltzing in to receive the reward they don’t deserve
But who am I to judge?
I ain’t gonna do anything
Because the Righteous and Just
Had gone through the same thing
Humble and meek
Washing the twelve disciples’ feet
Can I do that?
Can you do that?
Prove yourself as a true Christian!
So get rid of your pride
It ain’t easy like a piece of pie
But it can be done
Through Him who is the saving One
Repent and surrender
No excuse whatsoever
“Abide in Me. Abide in Love”
And into Your River I dove
Make me decrease
So You may increase
Take my pride away
Or my faith be swayed"
May we never forget who we are...
Mink
I know. I am a fool, like Nabal, Abigail’s prideful husband. I am no different than those ones I’m accusing of. I’m carrying my pride on my head like a golden crown when actually it’s just nothing but a wooden one. I’m stubborn just as a donkey is, and as stiff-necked as the Israelites were during the wandering time in the desert. Ernest Gordon, a PoW during the WWII in a Japanese camp, once wrote:
Death was still with us – no doubt about that. But we were slowly being freed from its destructive grip…Selfishness, hatred…and pride were all anti-life. Love…self-sacrifice…and faith, on the other hand, were the essence of life…gifts of God to men…Death no longer had the last word at Chungkai.
It’s hard to think of Jesus when the fire of anger stirred up in me. But think I must. Jesus is God who created heaven and earth…but…He is also the One who lowered Himself down to wash the twelve men’s feet with such humbleness and meekness.
If He so loved us, can we not love each other? Having been forgiven, can we not forgive? Having feasted at the table of grace, can we not share a few crumbs? "My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other" (1 John 4:11 MSG).
Facing Your Giant, Max Lucado
"Pride makes me cry
And I’m tired of being tried
Persecution, pressures, trials
What are these?
Beads of sweat drippin’ on to dirt
My back’s bent, my knees hurt
And now I’m watching those proud dudes
Casually waltzing in to receive the reward they don’t deserve
But who am I to judge?
I ain’t gonna do anything
Because the Righteous and Just
Had gone through the same thing
Humble and meek
Washing the twelve disciples’ feet
Can I do that?
Can you do that?
Prove yourself as a true Christian!
So get rid of your pride
It ain’t easy like a piece of pie
But it can be done
Through Him who is the saving One
Repent and surrender
No excuse whatsoever
“Abide in Me. Abide in Love”
And into Your River I dove
Make me decrease
So You may increase
Take my pride away
Or my faith be swayed"
May we never forget who we are...
Mink
Monday, February 25, 2008
Redeemed
Since when did I stop writing? Since when did I feel empty when about to put life into words?
I figured that there should be at least one cool story i could write since the last blog entry was in October...yes...you got it right...that long. But again, as I'm staring at the screen, my head is white blank. Human's mind is incomprehensible for me. At one moment, thoughts are flowing like a flood of water. Not a long while later, they are stuck in mud.
Right now it's 8:17 in the morning. The song "We Fall Down" is cooling the room down. The neighborhood is all silent since the rush hour has already passed. And I'm sitting alone, feeling a bit drowsy, in this room.
City life is interesting. Now I'm at my friend/ sister's room in Bangna, somewhere in Bangkok. I'd say it's a middle size community. There're a pool, a gym, a mini mart, a bookstore, a basketball court, a music school, an international school, some restaurants and coffeeshops, a church and a whole bunch of buildings.
This morning, after I got up, I was peering out of my window to look around, and it struck me what a limited life one can get into. Across from my room, a lady stretching her arms, yawning and scratching her head while getting ready for work. Two floors up, a half-awake guy in shorts standing at the balcony smoking his cigarette letting his mind drift off somewhere. It came to me...I feel sorry for these people. I don't know why...but it just hit me. Not only these particular neighborhood but those men and women who have to wake up every morning only to fill their day. It's just sad and depressing. It's all vanity. We are easily satisfied with the engaged busyness, the so-called romance the world offers us which most of it lasts not too long or the practical religious system which makes one feel worthwhile.
Then I thought of a scene from the movie, "the Sound of Music" when the girl, Mary, was running joyously on the top of the hill and singing as if to the whole world and ,of course, God. Every time I think of the scene, it's freeing. There's freedom in that certain shot. She is all exposed to the nature around her...but much more than that...her heart is exposed to the Calling above. And even her body is caged behind the gate of the church, she knows that there is freedom in everything she does because her heart is set free.
My friend, Nookie, introduced me to one of Chris Tomlin's songs - Amazing Grace (my chains are gone). Amazing Grace is forever my favorite hymn but with this new chorus, it made me choke with tears. It goes:
"My chains are gone Ive been set free
My God my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love Amazing Grace"
We should not be limited by area space though we must admit that we have such limited capacity. We should not be trapped in a cage of unhealed wounds, unforgotten past and unforgiven sins. We, God's people, have that freedom. We are no longer the PoW. We are freemen and we are all who we want to be in our Redeemer.
I figured that there should be at least one cool story i could write since the last blog entry was in October...yes...you got it right...that long. But again, as I'm staring at the screen, my head is white blank. Human's mind is incomprehensible for me. At one moment, thoughts are flowing like a flood of water. Not a long while later, they are stuck in mud.
Right now it's 8:17 in the morning. The song "We Fall Down" is cooling the room down. The neighborhood is all silent since the rush hour has already passed. And I'm sitting alone, feeling a bit drowsy, in this room.
City life is interesting. Now I'm at my friend/ sister's room in Bangna, somewhere in Bangkok. I'd say it's a middle size community. There're a pool, a gym, a mini mart, a bookstore, a basketball court, a music school, an international school, some restaurants and coffeeshops, a church and a whole bunch of buildings.
This morning, after I got up, I was peering out of my window to look around, and it struck me what a limited life one can get into. Across from my room, a lady stretching her arms, yawning and scratching her head while getting ready for work. Two floors up, a half-awake guy in shorts standing at the balcony smoking his cigarette letting his mind drift off somewhere. It came to me...I feel sorry for these people. I don't know why...but it just hit me. Not only these particular neighborhood but those men and women who have to wake up every morning only to fill their day. It's just sad and depressing. It's all vanity. We are easily satisfied with the engaged busyness, the so-called romance the world offers us which most of it lasts not too long or the practical religious system which makes one feel worthwhile.
Then I thought of a scene from the movie, "the Sound of Music" when the girl, Mary, was running joyously on the top of the hill and singing as if to the whole world and ,of course, God. Every time I think of the scene, it's freeing. There's freedom in that certain shot. She is all exposed to the nature around her...but much more than that...her heart is exposed to the Calling above. And even her body is caged behind the gate of the church, she knows that there is freedom in everything she does because her heart is set free.
My friend, Nookie, introduced me to one of Chris Tomlin's songs - Amazing Grace (my chains are gone). Amazing Grace is forever my favorite hymn but with this new chorus, it made me choke with tears. It goes:
"My chains are gone Ive been set free
My God my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love Amazing Grace"
We should not be limited by area space though we must admit that we have such limited capacity. We should not be trapped in a cage of unhealed wounds, unforgotten past and unforgiven sins. We, God's people, have that freedom. We are no longer the PoW. We are freemen and we are all who we want to be in our Redeemer.
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