When the rain comes, it causes a heart to ponder...

I am anticipating the rainstorm. It has been unbearably hot and the air feels like desert. Now, after a full month, the sky seems to give in to the thunder a little bit. I could hop on a bicycle and ride home right now. But my heart refused to do so. Why, summer rain is a rare treasure these days.

Talking about rain, we were driving through the mountains 2 days ago. We were on a car sneaking through the windy road of the northern hills. Our driver was ever so patient and confident in his driving that I had no fear at alll. We were surrounded by forests; the teak wood, the flame trees and many other wild plants that I have never known.

Then I saw the first sign of thunder - the hovering dark clouds. My heart almost skipped a beat, not out of fear but of excitement. It may sound weird but I love thunderstorm. It somehow gives me a glimpse of such powerful and magnificent glory of the Creator. The lightening. The whooshing of wind. The swaying trees. The growling of sky belly. Then the downpour of silver rain. More thunderbolt. More flashes of lightning.
I was sitting in the 1st class seat watching the reflection of heaven discreetly rolled out for the eyes of human to see and revere.

Suddenly, the driver slowed down. A huge tree was lying on the road and stopped the traffic in the middle of nowhere. Long lines of cars and trucks were stuck and we were awaiting help from someone...somewhere.
But God was good. The tree could've fallen somewhere else but it fell next to a police station. Things got sorted out very smoothly and in timely manner. A policeman, drenched with rain, was standing and directing the cars to use the dirt trail just beside the road. After 10 minutes, we were through.

God was good. The tree could've fallen on someone but at the moment it fell, no cars were passing by and no one got hurt or else we would've seen it.

It reminded me that despite the circumstances, there is always a way out. As the saying goes, even though all doors are closed, God always leaves a window open for us to climb out. It's just the matter of us having enough gut to do that or not. :)

Now I just can't wait for the real reainy season to come. I can't wait to be running wildly in the storm and getting soaked to the skin. I can't wait to have that sense of freedom and joy running through my blood again. I can't wait to see the earth drinking deep of the pouring rain and producing such lushness of green all over the mountain ranges and fields. I can't wait to witness God's blessings when the rain comes.

Pai

Well, being in Pai by myself isn't as bad as I imagined it would be. I have a long holiday from Sat-Mon so I decided to venture out here on my own.

The moment I dropped my stuff into the guesthouse's room, I felt like being in a desert. There is seriously no other guests at the hotel except me. I looked forward to swimming in the pool but it turned out that they haven't cleaned it for so long that it turned green and yucky. I pondered my choices whether I should stay until the next day morning and leave or wait to see if I would change my mind. I decided to hear God out.

I was greeted by a warm afternoon sun when I wandered down the street. Pai in the summer is desolate. I have only been here only in rainy and winter seasons thus I was a bit shocked by what I saw. Shops and stalls were closed. No crazy white people with mohawk and pierces. Streets were quiet. I spent my afternoon in a coffee shop where I had lime frappe and iced chocolate drinks plus a plate of club sandwich. Yah, I was starving. Then I went out to rent a bicycle...only to ride it back to my guesthouse.

I'm so thankful there's an ac in my room or I'd die. It's really hot here. Period. But God blessed my evening with a group of Karen people. I was sitting in my room writing notes to people when I heard some noise down by the pool. Curious, I peeked out to see that the owners' friends with their sons came to visit. They were lounging by the pool. What crazy was the two karen boys were swimming and diving in the pool! I was like...this can't be true. So I decided to go down and joined the party.

When I walked down, the father was squatting by the pool with one hand grabbing his youngest son's arm. I wondered why he did that so I asked. He told me that the little boy's legs don't have strength and he can't balance himself well either in the water or on the floor. So, as crazy as it may sound, I went up and changed into my swimming suit so that I could be with the little boy, Tee, in the pool and helped carrying him....that was the only reason I went into the green nasty pool.

But God is good! I had as much fun as the boys did. After we came up from the pool, we were sitting on the floor eating sticky rice, chilly paste and some pork on the sticks. I learned a good deal about Karen culture and laughed at the boys' jokes. Sometimes the blessing of God come unexpected when we aren't looking for it. :)

Today is Sunday and I woke up feeling like my shoulders are gonna come out of their sockets. When you're in the water, everything seems so light...a 7-year-old boy was like a feather...but the truth was for a half and hour I was carrying the 30-kg boy in my arms. No wonder I have shoulders pain at the moment. But I decided to get dressed and went to church. I wasn't sure why I did except that i figured i had nothing to do anyway.

The Associated Churches of Pai was consisted of 15 people or so when I stepped in. I went in feeling a bit out of place but was escorted to sit in the 3rd row of blue chairs. After 10 minutes, i really wanted to walk out. But God held me to my seat. Then out of no where, I began to realize an important truth - that I'm here as a body of Christ. There're many churches all over the world and I am a part of the body wherever i am. When I saw that we function as a global church, a global body of Christ, I was beginning to see a more complete picture of His body on earth.

Anyway, as I was sitting there listening and praying, a man from the congregation went up to lead the Lord's Supper. But he stopped by my chair and asked if I could translate the ceremony into English for a farung man beside me! The 1st thought that came to my head was how did he know I speak English?!?!?! Was it written all over me that I could translate? I couldn't find any sensible reason but that it must've been the Spirit's providence. Thus I was obliged to translate although I didn't want to. For maccaroni's sake, I am on vacation!

But God did this on purpose. And I'm glad He gave me the opportunity to do so. When life is about others, my fleshly desires don't matter that much. However, I'm also thankful that this trip is about me as well as about others. And He's doing a great job at making things balanced here. I'm getting to sit under the sun and enjoy a glass of fruit shake. I get to sleep in an ac room and not sweat my butt off. :) I also got to meet a group of Karen people...and learned more about their culture. God is good.

Now I'm going to turn the computer off, change into my bathing suit and go swim...not at the hotel's pool, of course, but at another place. :) Tomorrow I'll be heading back to Chiang-Mai and will look forward to going to work on Tuesday.

Wherever you are, may the God of peace reign in your heart.

Paddle Power

With a hard bang of the door and a cholocate chip cookie in my mouth, I shuffled my legs as fast as possible, trying to be careful not to make too loud a noise for the early quiet hour in my apartment, to where my bicycle was parked. I walked towards my bike, instinctively grabbed the key and unlocked the cable lock. I hopped on it and paddled...hard...for I knew I was going to be late for work.

The sun was already high for 8 o'clock in the morning and my sweat broke. Though a bit out of breath, I refused to stop paddling. A minute passed, a lotto lady, out of nowhere, on her bicycle, cruised by...faster than I could ever catch...Then a white guy on his mountain bike flashed by...left me wondering whether I was too slow or they were too fast for a rush hour like this.

It hit me...though the world is moving fast and passing by like a comet falling from the sky, Jesus is at the same pace as I am. He is here...present...with me...always. While I was biking, He was there doing the same thing.

Isn't it a bit out of place to imagine that such Creator would humble Himself to be doing some petty businesses with us when He has the whole universe to tend to?

Yet...it's true. God, the Creator of the universe, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the magnificent, omnipotent Savior, whispers to our ears everyday, "I am with you...to the end of the age".

The question is, "Are we ever with Him? Are we ever present before God?" Caught up in the swirl of life and the checking of to-do lists, our focus is only at the task but not at the One who's given those tasks to us. We're obsessed and consumed by the momentary worldly success/ failure when Eternity has entered into our worlds and offered the everlasting fulfillment - His presence with us, individuals. God is our all in all.

The Lord spoke to the Israelites through His prophet, Isaiah, "But you, O Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend, I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

He cares for us so much that He has sealed us with the promise of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 1:13-14 says, "It's in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free—signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This signet from God is the first installment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life" (The Message)

We are "signed"..."sealed"...and..."delivered".

Thus, our goal is heavenward...

Unto a praising and glorious life...

Unto eternity...

It's not a bad thing to set up goals in life but don't let them take you out of His path and His everlasting possession.

Focus on God.

Engrossed in His love.

Be ever present to Him.

"God knows where we are. Sometimes we forget this. Sometimes we even feel that God has forgotten us. He hasn't. God knows exactly where we are. So when you are afflicted with those forsaken feelings, when you are on the verge of throwing a pity party, thanks to those desparing thoughts, go back to the Word of God. God says, 'I know where you are.'" - Charles R. Swindoll

Grace like Rain

It was 1:30 in the afternoon. The sun was blazing over the bald hills. My throat parched and longed for some refreshing water.

Then from afar, I heard slow rumbling sound and dark clouds hovering over the sky...The sign of rain...I quietly rejoiced in my soul...and marveled with the birds and trees...for our hearts knew that the smoke-filled air would be washed away...and...replaced with a new fresh breath.

Drip-drops falling down...and not a minute had passed...came a curtain of silver glass all over the once-dry mountain lands. I gazed out the window...longing to splash my bare legs with heavy dew over the grasstops and throwing myself in the muddy streams...

Shower from heaven poured down to cleanse the blotches of disgrace...the stains of life.

Blood from sinless Savior soaked through the Golgotha's ground to set free the imprisoned souls...and washed us white as snow...

Love...everlasting...even when Your flesh was torn in pieces...

Grace...undeserving...even when You were pulled and dragged across the hills...

Jesus...tortured...crucified...died...

The world became silent as "It is done" echoed...

Veils torn...Hope shattered...

Savior...no more...

Shaft of sunlight on Sabbath morning...

Sobbing through tears when discovered
Only the empty tomb and strips of linen...

With faces to the ground, the angels said...

"He is not here...He has risen."

Hallelujah to our risen Lord and King, Jesus Christ.

"He told them, this is what is written: 'The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in His name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are the witnesses of these things." Luke 24:46-48

Another Prayer to the Father

Oh Father,

My heart is yet broken again. I feel like breaking down my dam of tears so that my sorrow will be drowned in my sobs.

I try to steel myself not to be deeply engaged in someone's life. I try to be ignorant and insensitive so that I won't have to be hurt when they leave or let me down. I try...but it never works.

My nature calls for intimacy with those around me. I tend to get attached with those whom I know. I love to love deeply even when it hurts.

Now I have nowhere to turn to but You. I'm hurt and wounded. Father, I need You.

My love will be wavered...but Yours will remain forever.

Better be a broken-hearted person than never know what love is at all.

Jesus, come and heal my brokeness...please. I need You.

Wait...Again?

So...Christmas went by...pretty fast.

Here I am preparing for a new year.

God was merciful to send 3 awesome people to me to spend time with over the Christmas weekend. I had already prepared myself to celebrate it alone...so it was beyond what I expected....the gift given to a grateful heart. Thank You, Father.

On the Christmas night, we were sitting by the river and I was asked to name a few things that I'd like to set as goals and accomplish within the next Christmas. I had 3 things I'm planning to get done...but I actually had more than that. There're many more things I want to have or to do; for example, I want a camera, a laptop computer, a shelf to put my books on and a coffee table for my room; I want to travel abroad, see the world with my own eyes and work among the marginalized.

YET God has a different plan. Since Christmas, He's been speaking the message of waiting to me over and over again...so often that it'd be hard to miss that.

Last Saturday, I was trying to run an errand in town. But every place I went was close. I went to get my skirt that i dropped off at a nearby shop 2 weeks ago only to be asked to wait. Seriously, i waited for 2 weeks...you haven't finished it yet? That was totally my thought at that moment. Then I rode my bike to the night bazaar to get my nails done. Usually, i would just waltz in and get started. Well, the place was packed...and it looked like i'd have to wait 10-15 more minutes. So I just went to another place instead. As I was waiting to cross the street, there came a yellow light with the word "WAIT". I was like, "Whoa! Wait a second, God. I think I'm catching on pretty quickly. You don't have to repeat that over and over again like this. It's pretty scary."

How would you feel when you received a message like this at the beginning of the new year? Wait? Again? Surely, a person's patience has to have some limits? Surely, when a new year comes, you'd want to see some changes or signs that you could move on or stop right here...not the word "wait".

Well, God's ways are not our ways. I have resigned to that fact.

On December 26, I was reading Psalm 37...and these sentences stood out so clearly as if the Lord was telling me what I must do:

"TRUST in the Lord and DO good; (3)

"DELIGHT yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (4)

"COMMIT your way to the Lord; TRUST in Him..." (5)

"BE STILL before the Lord and WAIT patiently for Him;" (7)

"WAIT for the Lord and KEEP His way." (34)

All the capitalized words above are the order from God...clearly instructing and guiding me. As I'm entering into a new year, my mind begins to worry about my future; what I'm gonna do next, where I'll be in a year from now, will I ever have a boyfriend. Waiting can be very tiring, challenging, demanding, frustrating and discouraging.

"I don't wanna wait anymore, God!", I shouted.

Then He gently speaks to me through the words above..."Trust in Me. Delight yourself in Me. I will surely give you the desires of your heart. Just commit your way to Me. Be still and wait patiently for Me. Do as I say."

How could you say "no" to a God who's ever so patient like this?

How could you turn away from such loving Father, who has waited for eternity for a soul to find its way back to Him?

And how could you be impatient when you see the Savior enduring the plight of the cross to redeem human from sins?

The Holy Spirit ministered to me and showed me what I am and what I am not.

Waiting is a sacrifice...a pleasing sacrifice before the eye of the Lord.

Waiting doesn't mean sitting around and doing nothing.It means that we lay what we hold dear to Him and offer all that we have and all that we are to the God who's above and beyond our understanding and imagination.

It means giving up something we think is good to gaining something God thinks is best.

How cool it is to start this year with me "waiting". I am half excited and half scared to see what's going to unfold and what He has in store for me as I wait on Him. I'm going to need a real rejoicing time that I can only find in Jesus when my patience comes to an end. God is going to be my only pure joy and delight when I don't get what I want.

On December 27, I wrote in my journal about the time of waiting with my 2 friends before their bus leave Chiang-Mai. We were hanging out in my room...trying to kill the 1 1/2-hour time. One was reading the Bible and the other one giving me a guitar lesson. We did nothing much...but waited. Here's what I wrote in my journal, "I greatly enjoyed that hour of having nothing to do but waiting. You can do so many memorable things while waiting." We sang some good worship songs together. I, personally, felt the Lord's presence among us.

"Waiting isn't too bad."

So...here I'm waiting....and doing my best...for You, Jesus.

A Giant of Faith: "Everything Around Me Proves That God is Real."

Last Saturday, we were up in Chiang-Dao district visiting TH973, a project that’s working with Chinese and Shan people. In the afternoon, we split into 2 groups to visit some children’s families. Our group went to Patchara’s house. She’s a tiny girl with bright brown eyes. Her family is Chinese. They are now living in someone else’s property, more like “house-sitting” for their cousins. There are 3 children in this family, all registered in the project.

Patchara’s mother is a petite Chinese lady with shy smile painted on her face. She came to Christ through her children. When they come home, they tell her about the stories they have learned at the project. One day, she was given the Bible. She started looking at Genesis 1. She read about all the days of creation and how everything was made in the sight of the Lord. Slowly, it came to her that there must be a God in this world…a God who reigns above all else. She then decided to receive Jesus into her life and has devoted herself to God.

However, she’s the only adult Christian in the family. Those around her are either Buddhists or ancestor-worshippers, including her husband. During our brief time, she told us how she is grateful to be found by God and is alive in Him. But she started choking a little when she talked about her struggles in the community. Through her tears, she shared to us about her being mockingly asked by her neighbors. “Where is God’s love? How do you know it’s there?”, t hey said. Her sincere reply gave a huge lump in my throat. “Everyday I’m greeted with His love. When I rise and see the sun, I know He’s there. Everything around me proves that God is real.”

Despite the physical difficulty and spiritual challenges, she firmly said that she will not waver because she knows that Jesus is the only Way. She also asked us to pray for her husband who is very opposing to what she believes. On the earlier visit (when I went with P.Yui and P.Ying), she told us that her husband threatened to leave her if she didn’t return to the former ways of belief.
Her faith is just rock solid. I was so thankful to be able to meet with a giant of faith like Patchara’s mother. I was reminded of a song by 33 miles, “There is a God”.

There's a beauty to the dawn, a rhythm to the rain

A silence in the soul that I just can't explain

There's a breath of life I breathe, a beating in my heart

A magnificence, a scary sense of what lies past the stars

Beyond what we can see behind the mystery

I know that it could only be

There is a God; this is the proof

That all around the evidence is speaking the truth

From the center of my soul to the edge of the universe

Creation is crying out believe it or not

There is a God

There's a debt that has been paid, a grace that I've been shown

A hope that I've been given that I have never known

There's a love that conquers darkness a peace alive in me

There's a life that's not just here and now but for eternity

Beyond what we can see behind the mystery

I know that it could only be that

I believe it; I believe it

There is a God I can feel it; I can feel it

There is a God

And the more I find the less I need to see

I've never been so sure, so sure of anything

Before we left, we were, one by one, shaking hands with her, hugging and whispering thanks to her through our tears. We were there to bring encouragement but it was us who walked away challenged and encouraged.

Patchara's Mother

Patchara's the girl on the right.