“Only one life to assume to pass,
Only what’s alone for Christ will last.” – John Piper
Last Sunday, while I was basking in the afternoon sun on a porch, watching people flashing by and sipping a glass of iced-cocoa, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Have I been here, in Chiang-Mai for almost a year now? Is this FOR REAL?” I don’t know why, but once I stepped past age 23, time seems to zoom by. I barely walked away from the New Year’s firework that a splash of water from Song Kran Festival soaked me to the skin.
This chapter of life has been colorful. There have been moments of fun yellow, somber navy blue, contemplating green, confusing smoky gray, angry fiery red, calm sky blue, lonely black and pure white. Only last week, I had the moment of gray – confusion and not understanding.
I learned of a disturbing fact in this revolving planet, the lesson I MUST stick it in my head always – there are many who don’t believe in Jesus, and worse they’re trying to explain Him away and disclaim His truth. It is understandable that non-believers may have a misconception of who Jesus is but never have I imagined an address to Him as a “fantasy figure” nor to the Gospel “a bedtime story”. These names are not from any famous novels or sorts of treatise but from a person whom I’ve made acquaintance with. My first reaction was shock. Other serial affected reactions were of being attacked, insulted, angry, vulnerable and unsure. The fact that one can get so far away from the truth and so resistant is totally disturbing, but the fact that I’ve allowed myself to step into the cloud of gray and become doubtful in the truth is even more startling. I’ve discarded Paul’s caution, “to think and dwell only upon that which is good and of good report” and almost embraced the “one-man-show” survival fact of the world – that there is no God, no comfort from the Bible, nothing but me…painful..alone…but real. Is that true?
I was dangerously standing on the verge of the cliff. But I’m thankful that at the moment I was going to fall, there were people who care deeply about me pulled me back. Because of this situation, it highlighted how a Christian cannot walk alone AT ALL. It’s severely critical that one should be accountable with someone and have a group of family members or friends constantly pray for him…or else…he could easily fall.
Anyway, I’ve found that wherever I am, no matter it is North of South, summer in Thailand is brutal…as the same…or even more. I heard that Bangkok reached 40C (104F) yesterday (April 23). No wonder why we sweat like crazy. And I am in Chiang-Mai, the northern part of Thailand! Talk about Global Warming! I’ve been raised and growing up in this tropical country for my whole life but I have never got used to its heat especially in April, the hottest month of all. That’s why Songkran Festival is such a treat for all of us. What could be better than splashing water and getting cooled off! Sadly, I didn’t get to join the fun this year at all since I was traveling most of the time. Well, it was cool enough to watch other people having fun. Chiang-Mai celebrated Songkran wayyyy early. Normally, it’s 13-15 but they started from the 10th and went on until the 16th, that was a whole week of madness and funness.
There are a few highlights I’d like to talk about. First is about finding a church. Since January, I was on a quest looking for a new church as the former congregation I went to didn’t have a group of people in my age. Reluctantly, I have to admit that I’m still looking for it. However, it’s been an invaluable experience of being in different congregations. It’s amazing how one belief can extend its branches into various denominations and groups and have such diverse ways of worshipping. I used to be self-pitiful when I thought about my wandering but I’ve come to appreciate it, at least for a certain moment, because through this I’m able to meet with new people who are so passionate about God, and I’ve become less judging as I try to understand and see things through His eyes. God has worked this process in my life so that I won’t be wearing the crown of Nonthaburi Baptist Church or Newsong Bangkok over my head. After a while, I just don’t care much if this church is Baptist or Pentecostal, for we all worship one God – that is Christ Jesus. I think our Lord is a very creative Person, and He wouldn’t pick only one color because it’d be a little too boring for Him.
Yet, I can’t deny that deep down in my heart I still long for a family of my own as well – a bunch of people who I will look forward to seeing every week, whom I will serve and learn the words of God with…these people I will laugh and cry together during the sunny and stormy days. I yearn for that…more than anything else. And I will have to keep praying and believing that this isn’t beyond what God can do for me.
Second is about God’s divine contact. As in Acts 8, how God used Philip to preach Christ to an Ethiopian, He used Ruth L. and the Miyakawas, who I recently got to meet, to minister to me. I met Ruth randomly at a coffee shop near my place. Ruth is a lady from the US who’s now teaching at a university in China. I was reading and she was using internet. I don’t quite remember how the conversation started but we ended up talking for a whole hour about God! It was exciting for me because I didn’t imagine I’d find myself in a conversation with a stranger, whom I realized later a Christian. We talked about our families, jobs, lives, God, struggles. She was telling me how Christ and Christianity are still taboo topics there. After reading the Heavenly Man from Brother Yun’s life, I totally understood what she meant. It was a refreshing time for me to have someone to talk to, to have a deep conversation, not only a small chitchat.
Then a couple of days later, while I was walking down to Starbucks at Tha-Pae gate, a tall boy handed me a tract with sentences like “Let me know what we can pray for you, or how we can help you by e-mailing us at this address”. I walked into Starbucks, ordered a cup of coffee feeling a bit puzzled and thrilled. It was the first day of Songkran celebration, so people were going crazy both inside and outside. While waiting for my order, I looked out and saw a bunch of youngsters sitting with the kind of tracts I received in my hand. So I walked over to them and asked one of the girls, Kristen, what is this all about. I asked in such a manner that I thought it’d appear rude if I wasn’t so desperate to know at that time. Anyway, she told me that it was a mission her fellows from Grace International School to hand out 15,000+ tracts out in 24 hours (I hope I got the number right). It was one of their outreach ministries. Well, I e-mailed them and went on a trip. The next week I came back, I got an e-mail from her dad asking if we could all get together for lunch. So I did. We went to this delicious Mexican restaurant close to Tha-Pae gate (Geez…I can’t remember its name but if you like Mexican and come visit me in Chiang-Mai, I’ll take you there). Anyway, last Sunday I went to their church called “The Gathering”, which simply is full of missionaries. What I liked the most was the sermon. I jotted this down on my little piece of paper, “Ultimately, God calls us to follow a Person (Jesus), neither a place nor position.” Even though the destination and things we will do are unclear, when Jesus calls, we should obey. The pastor said, “When you hear God speak, what you do NEXT says what you really believe”.
Third is about my job. Let me ask you first, have you been so bored at work? If yes, here’s the next question, what do you do when you’re bored? I’m genuinely curious about that because sometimes this moment hits, and I’m left wondering what I’m supposed to do. Here’s what I wrote in my journal last night about my challenge at work:
“I’ve come across another challenge in my job – the feeling of unimportance. There are lies in my mind saying that people will do find here without me, and I still can’t help but believing that though I know it’s not true!
I’ve been thinking a lot about what is required of me. There are some expectations from the organization and the staff but what is the ultimate requirement? I think it’s ‘obeying God’. Charles S. Swindoll says,’…Stop trying to be the tops in your fields. Be an excellent whatever.’ That means if my job is to sweep the floor, then I’ll do my very best to make it clean and spotless. If my job is to make a bulletin board, then I’ll do it with my utmost creativity and ability. Whatever job it is, though it may look insignificant, it’s in the heart of a doer that God looks at…and that’s what matters.
I’ve had thought of giving up this position. I’ve thought of moving back to Bangkok. I’ve somehow loathed the society here because a newcomer like me doesn’t always feel welcomed. I hate that I have to struggle and strive alone. I hate the fact that the community at GES, like GES, can’t be found here…that it’s too idealistic…at least for me.
Yet I CANNOT give up. Every time these thoughts came to my mind, the Lord tells me to STICK WITH this plan no matter what the cost is…simply because this is His will…and because many children are being blessed by what I, we Compassion, do. That’s the pure solid reason I’m here. And I know that God is already pleased with that.”
Sometimes we tend to value ourselves by what we do or how we are needed but I’ve learned recently that it’s not the main point. Our value is in Christ Jesus and what we are accomplishing for His kingdom. Not that He doesn’t give me choices of leaving, of course He does, yet when you know what is best for you, won’t you grasp for it? Will you let it go?
It all comes back to my theme of life – a quest. I put a quote from John Piper’s sermon “Don’t waste your life” because it’s a great reminder for me that my life here is for Christ. And until I stand before His beautiful face, until then, I want to become a “good and faithful servant” of His. Paul says, “To live is Christ and to die is gain” – that’s a classic provocative challenge to me.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Where all the stories begin
Jesus, who are You that can give the blind sight?
Who are You that can bring the dead back to life?
Who are You that can feed the five thousand?
Oh, Jesus, Who are You that even the demons are scared?
You are Son of the Most High
The Light in the dark
The Hope for the lost
Jesus, it is You
You are the Author and Perfector of my faith
The Beginning and the End
The Prophet who always lives
Jesus, it is You
Why care for this small grain
When You are the great I AM?
Why love when all I do
Is to bring You pain?
Oh, Jesus...because it is You.
I wrote this a long while ago. It was during the New Year holiday, and I was with my church fellows doing some mission work up in the North. The sun just came up, and I was sitting in my quiet zone inside a generous man's house from a Mien village who allowed us to intrude into every corner of his house (except his bedroom, of course!). Things were stirring to life again after a dead silence at night: the echoing noise of cocks crowing, dogs barking, women chatting softly over a huge pot of hot porridge, men greetings each other around the fire and children poking their faces inside the gate to see if we were all up.
The religious system of the village holds on to its tradition - animism. These tribal people initially immigrated from China, and had settled down in some of Thailand's northern provinces, including Naan. I had an opportunity to sit down and chat with an old man one evening. Watching the excitement of the community, he was sitting on a wooden stool, hands carrying an ancient parchment in his hands. As he gingerly turned to the next page, I could feel the crispness of those yellow pages. I inclined my head to have a closer look of what he was reading, afraid to ask if I could hold it unless the manuscript would be torn in pieces had it been in my clumsy hands.
Couldn't decide what it was, I asked, "Uncle, what is it you're reading?" With his broken thai, he said, "It's my bible, young lady". Ever more curious, I wondered aloud, "What does it talk about then?" His reply was, "Our own practices and regulations like what we need to prepare for a sacrifice...something like that." I could sense his pride as he spoke about his religion. And it was no wonder that he's one of those religious men in the village.
It was an interesting experience for me. I asked him so many words in his tongue after that. Then I came across the word "God"....and that's when he gave me a questioning stare. I thought he didn't understand my thai so I explained to him as someone who created the earth, the sky, the trees and other living things. Smiling now, he told me of this word that would mean "God" in his own understanding. Later on, I tried to use this word (I'll have to go back and search for this paper I wrote all the Mien words I learned again) with a Christian Mien...and they gave me a blank stare. One girl said that the word I learned didn't refer to our sovereign God but some spirits in their religion. Then it struck me...these people have no idea who the Lord is. They don't have any clue what this word would be in their vocabulary system...only Christians, who are a minority in the community know what it is.
Lately, my heart has been so broken for the world. And I'm not speaking in a lightly manner. This past week I had an experience of falling to my knees and crying heavily for what has been happening on earth. My soul was being tortured by the sufferings of people. My heart is heavy-laden for those who are lost in the whirlpool of materialism and so-called short life. Yet one dark voice raised, "What can a person like you, wretched sinner, do? How dare you think you can change a person's world, let alone the whole planet?" I couldn't help but give way tremblingly to the voice but the light of truth seeped in. Hadn't God commanded us to "preach good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness of the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." (Isa. 61:1-3)
A lot of times I feel like I am a tiny ant watching all giants of this world wandering about. And in those times, the dark voice keeps haunting me as a faithful company. But I learned and knew better than that. Wasn't it Jesus who began the march to calvary once the crunching on the fruit echoed in the garden of Eden? Wasn't it Him who, through history, laid a foundational plan of salvation through weak and humble people who later became "the heroes of faith"? Wasn't it Him who endured the plight in that torturous night so that all our sins shall be washed away in that scarlet blood and we be cleansed as white as snow? Wasn't it the Father who miraculously rolled away the stone and raised His only begotten Son for the sake of humankind's hope? And wasn't it Jesus, our Savior, who said, "Go and make disciples of all nations,..."?
Hence, after realizing, the passion God's given me earlier burns ever more violently within me. Impossible task to change the whole universe, of course. But wasn't it Jesus again who said that the kingdom of God is within you and me? Why not start right here, within ourselves, where all the stories begin, with faith, fervent prayer and love?
Who are You that can bring the dead back to life?
Who are You that can feed the five thousand?
Oh, Jesus, Who are You that even the demons are scared?
You are Son of the Most High
The Light in the dark
The Hope for the lost
Jesus, it is You
You are the Author and Perfector of my faith
The Beginning and the End
The Prophet who always lives
Jesus, it is You
Why care for this small grain
When You are the great I AM?
Why love when all I do
Is to bring You pain?
Oh, Jesus...because it is You.
I wrote this a long while ago. It was during the New Year holiday, and I was with my church fellows doing some mission work up in the North. The sun just came up, and I was sitting in my quiet zone inside a generous man's house from a Mien village who allowed us to intrude into every corner of his house (except his bedroom, of course!). Things were stirring to life again after a dead silence at night: the echoing noise of cocks crowing, dogs barking, women chatting softly over a huge pot of hot porridge, men greetings each other around the fire and children poking their faces inside the gate to see if we were all up.
The religious system of the village holds on to its tradition - animism. These tribal people initially immigrated from China, and had settled down in some of Thailand's northern provinces, including Naan. I had an opportunity to sit down and chat with an old man one evening. Watching the excitement of the community, he was sitting on a wooden stool, hands carrying an ancient parchment in his hands. As he gingerly turned to the next page, I could feel the crispness of those yellow pages. I inclined my head to have a closer look of what he was reading, afraid to ask if I could hold it unless the manuscript would be torn in pieces had it been in my clumsy hands.
Couldn't decide what it was, I asked, "Uncle, what is it you're reading?" With his broken thai, he said, "It's my bible, young lady". Ever more curious, I wondered aloud, "What does it talk about then?" His reply was, "Our own practices and regulations like what we need to prepare for a sacrifice...something like that." I could sense his pride as he spoke about his religion. And it was no wonder that he's one of those religious men in the village.
It was an interesting experience for me. I asked him so many words in his tongue after that. Then I came across the word "God"....and that's when he gave me a questioning stare. I thought he didn't understand my thai so I explained to him as someone who created the earth, the sky, the trees and other living things. Smiling now, he told me of this word that would mean "God" in his own understanding. Later on, I tried to use this word (I'll have to go back and search for this paper I wrote all the Mien words I learned again) with a Christian Mien...and they gave me a blank stare. One girl said that the word I learned didn't refer to our sovereign God but some spirits in their religion. Then it struck me...these people have no idea who the Lord is. They don't have any clue what this word would be in their vocabulary system...only Christians, who are a minority in the community know what it is.
Lately, my heart has been so broken for the world. And I'm not speaking in a lightly manner. This past week I had an experience of falling to my knees and crying heavily for what has been happening on earth. My soul was being tortured by the sufferings of people. My heart is heavy-laden for those who are lost in the whirlpool of materialism and so-called short life. Yet one dark voice raised, "What can a person like you, wretched sinner, do? How dare you think you can change a person's world, let alone the whole planet?" I couldn't help but give way tremblingly to the voice but the light of truth seeped in. Hadn't God commanded us to "preach good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness of the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." (Isa. 61:1-3)
A lot of times I feel like I am a tiny ant watching all giants of this world wandering about. And in those times, the dark voice keeps haunting me as a faithful company. But I learned and knew better than that. Wasn't it Jesus who began the march to calvary once the crunching on the fruit echoed in the garden of Eden? Wasn't it Him who, through history, laid a foundational plan of salvation through weak and humble people who later became "the heroes of faith"? Wasn't it Him who endured the plight in that torturous night so that all our sins shall be washed away in that scarlet blood and we be cleansed as white as snow? Wasn't it the Father who miraculously rolled away the stone and raised His only begotten Son for the sake of humankind's hope? And wasn't it Jesus, our Savior, who said, "Go and make disciples of all nations,..."?
Hence, after realizing, the passion God's given me earlier burns ever more violently within me. Impossible task to change the whole universe, of course. But wasn't it Jesus again who said that the kingdom of God is within you and me? Why not start right here, within ourselves, where all the stories begin, with faith, fervent prayer and love?
"It is no longer I who live,
But it is Christ who lives in me." Galations 2:19
Little by little we are changed by this daily crucifixion of the will.
Changed, not like a tornado changes things,
but like a grain of sand in an oyster changes things.
New graces emerge; new joy at the success of others,
new hope in a God who is good...
God is not destroying the will but transforming it
so that over a process of time and experience we can freely will what God wills
-Richard Foster
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Soul surrender
"Lord, although I long to be in heaven with you, please do not take me away from this world yet. My life hasn't yet been complete. I won't be complete without my husband."
It's one big dream for most of the girls - to be married, to deeply love someone and be loved as equally in return. It's one of mine as well. Only recently did I start to doubt if God would ever answer my prayer on this matter. Year after year, I waited and asked persistently but no answer came. Does God even hear my cry?
When I was younger, I thought like a child..but as I'm turning 25, I see it more with a mature eye. This isn't a sensitive girl's daydream but a battle to be fought with fierce strong will.
Paul said, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinth. 7:8-9) When I read this passage, such mixed emotions came across my mind..."how could Paul suggest such thing?!"...then, more reluctantly, "would this be God's answer to my prayer?" '~' I was in shock.
Slowly, a pale light began to seep through - the priceless jewel in a relationship with God isn't about what I get but what I become. When I ask Him for something, I approach Him like a stubborn child...asking blatantly, banging His chest, throwing myself on the floor, crying or shaking fists at His face. But a determined Father who knows better would not yield to His daughter's will, not yet anyway. In His book "Prayer" Philip Yancey said, "The real value of persistent prayer is not so much that we get what we want as that we become the person we should be."
God wants all of me...my life, my heart, my soul, my desire and my love "for in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are COMPLETE in Him, who is the head of all principality and power." (Col. 2:9-10) I think what He's challenging me at the moment is, "Would I be willing to drop EVERYTHING including my desire to be married to follow Him if He called me so?" And with tears rolling down on my face, a heavy sob in my chest, teeth gritting, I will have to say, "Yes, Lord. You've got my all."
When our whole being is ALL for Him, everything ELSE is a gift, including a husband as well. Instead of painstakingly searching for "somebody", it's best to patiently and lovingly wait on the One whose love redeems all the longing souls and whose beauty captivates all hearts in the world. I'm departing from the grip of the flesh and returning into the embrace of the everlasting.
"Jesus, take me into Your arms. I've found it at last - the gift of waiting on You. Father, I'm back into Your loving arms again. I'm ready now for whatever You'll use me for. I believe that one day You'll take my hand and bring me to the love I've been waiting for. But for this time and for the rest of my life, I'm content to be with You."
It's one big dream for most of the girls - to be married, to deeply love someone and be loved as equally in return. It's one of mine as well. Only recently did I start to doubt if God would ever answer my prayer on this matter. Year after year, I waited and asked persistently but no answer came. Does God even hear my cry?
When I was younger, I thought like a child..but as I'm turning 25, I see it more with a mature eye. This isn't a sensitive girl's daydream but a battle to be fought with fierce strong will.
Paul said, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinth. 7:8-9) When I read this passage, such mixed emotions came across my mind..."how could Paul suggest such thing?!"...then, more reluctantly, "would this be God's answer to my prayer?" '~' I was in shock.
Slowly, a pale light began to seep through - the priceless jewel in a relationship with God isn't about what I get but what I become. When I ask Him for something, I approach Him like a stubborn child...asking blatantly, banging His chest, throwing myself on the floor, crying or shaking fists at His face. But a determined Father who knows better would not yield to His daughter's will, not yet anyway. In His book "Prayer" Philip Yancey said, "The real value of persistent prayer is not so much that we get what we want as that we become the person we should be."
God wants all of me...my life, my heart, my soul, my desire and my love "for in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are COMPLETE in Him, who is the head of all principality and power." (Col. 2:9-10) I think what He's challenging me at the moment is, "Would I be willing to drop EVERYTHING including my desire to be married to follow Him if He called me so?" And with tears rolling down on my face, a heavy sob in my chest, teeth gritting, I will have to say, "Yes, Lord. You've got my all."
When our whole being is ALL for Him, everything ELSE is a gift, including a husband as well. Instead of painstakingly searching for "somebody", it's best to patiently and lovingly wait on the One whose love redeems all the longing souls and whose beauty captivates all hearts in the world. I'm departing from the grip of the flesh and returning into the embrace of the everlasting.
"Jesus, take me into Your arms. I've found it at last - the gift of waiting on You. Father, I'm back into Your loving arms again. I'm ready now for whatever You'll use me for. I believe that one day You'll take my hand and bring me to the love I've been waiting for. But for this time and for the rest of my life, I'm content to be with You."
Friday, January 23, 2009
Christmas rant
It's another cold night in December. And Christmas is just around the corner. Usually, I would be so busy that I would have no time to sit down and write this note if I were in Bangkok. My lifestyle has changed since I moved up to work in Chiang-Mai. I've got more time to be with myself and do things whenever I want and whatever I want without having anyone to check on me. Maybe it's a little too much.
Each Christmas, there is always different message from God to me. Normally, it's all about joyous feelings...celebration, you know, with family and friends...sitting around a table laden with yummy food and dessert...soaking in the beauty of the lights and decorations...listening to Christmas songs...laughing...playing games...opening up presents. Good times.
This year, well, the story is a little different. I am 870 kilometers away from the ones I love. I've got all my time and resources to do fun things but without family and friends...it hardly means anything. I am not anywhere near being happy since there're things to think through and struggles to fight with. Loneliness is my faithful company, and I hardly feel lonely anymore.
Sounds bitter and resentful, hey? I know.
That's one new thing I've been learning this past while - that Christmas includes EVERYONE. And if you read another of my "rant" below, you might catch a bit of glimpse of what I'm trying to say, who I am and how I feel right now. I know that there's nothing worth in me to persuade you to read this. Why would you wanna read something from a depressed person anyway? But if you don't have anything to do, and don't mind this writing, then I hope that the message would give you something to think about...
Merry Christ-mass
"A drug-addicted 24-year-old girl crouching in a dark corner of the room, alone...unnoticed…
A fragile 8-year-old boy fighting with his last breath in a hospital, miserable...hopeless…
A lonely 75-year-old lady with her cane in an elders home, abandoned...unimportant…
Christmas – what does it mean?
Loved ones? Delicious meal and dessert? Lights and presents?
What if these people don’t have one? What if they can’t afford it?
Will Christmas mean anything to them?
Thinking of those who are shivering out there in the cold…
Thinking of those who are alone…
If Christmas is about what’s listed above…
It would be just another day on calendar…
Take a minute to ponder what Christmas means to you…
Jesus was born in a stable, cold and dark…
He was acquainted with sorrow and homeless most of the time…
Jesus isn’t only here for the rich and happy BUT also for the poor and brokenhearted…
While we celebrate,
Let us remember the lowliness of the manger and the humiliation of the cross –
The sacrifice that brings peace and joy."
Mink
"Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised,
and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:1-5
Each Christmas, there is always different message from God to me. Normally, it's all about joyous feelings...celebration, you know, with family and friends...sitting around a table laden with yummy food and dessert...soaking in the beauty of the lights and decorations...listening to Christmas songs...laughing...playing games...opening up presents. Good times.
This year, well, the story is a little different. I am 870 kilometers away from the ones I love. I've got all my time and resources to do fun things but without family and friends...it hardly means anything. I am not anywhere near being happy since there're things to think through and struggles to fight with. Loneliness is my faithful company, and I hardly feel lonely anymore.
Sounds bitter and resentful, hey? I know.
That's one new thing I've been learning this past while - that Christmas includes EVERYONE. And if you read another of my "rant" below, you might catch a bit of glimpse of what I'm trying to say, who I am and how I feel right now. I know that there's nothing worth in me to persuade you to read this. Why would you wanna read something from a depressed person anyway? But if you don't have anything to do, and don't mind this writing, then I hope that the message would give you something to think about...
Merry Christ-mass
"A drug-addicted 24-year-old girl crouching in a dark corner of the room, alone...unnoticed…
A fragile 8-year-old boy fighting with his last breath in a hospital, miserable...hopeless…
A lonely 75-year-old lady with her cane in an elders home, abandoned...unimportant…
Christmas – what does it mean?
Loved ones? Delicious meal and dessert? Lights and presents?
What if these people don’t have one? What if they can’t afford it?
Will Christmas mean anything to them?
Thinking of those who are shivering out there in the cold…
Thinking of those who are alone…
If Christmas is about what’s listed above…
It would be just another day on calendar…
Take a minute to ponder what Christmas means to you…
Jesus was born in a stable, cold and dark…
He was acquainted with sorrow and homeless most of the time…
Jesus isn’t only here for the rich and happy BUT also for the poor and brokenhearted…
While we celebrate,
Let us remember the lowliness of the manger and the humiliation of the cross –
The sacrifice that brings peace and joy."
Mink
"Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised,
and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:1-5
A psalm to the Creator
Heart shatteringly broken. Tears streaking from my eyes.
Hopeless and lost in the wilderness of pain.
Can anyone hear me? The little voice in the wind.
Gasping for breath. Choking for air.
Helpless and dying in the desert of despair.
Can anyone see me? The small grain in the sand.
Oh Lord, why I see nothing when I lift my eyes to the hills?
Why the vast unknown and darkness shadow over me?
Why so when Your promise says that’s where my help comes from?
Mighty God. Beautiful Savior.
Hope for sinners. Throw Your arms open wide.
Glorious King. Loving Father.
Wonderful Author. Hear my cry.
Though the sky darkens and the world may fall;
Though I lose my sight and have no will to keep on;
I will run to You for I know Your love endures
No condemnation from the One, the Living God
Though the sea dries up and the mountains crumble;
Though I may be found alone with tears overflow;
I will sing praise to You, I will rejoice in You
For You are good and You are God.
Hopeless and lost in the wilderness of pain.
Can anyone hear me? The little voice in the wind.
Gasping for breath. Choking for air.
Helpless and dying in the desert of despair.
Can anyone see me? The small grain in the sand.
Oh Lord, why I see nothing when I lift my eyes to the hills?
Why the vast unknown and darkness shadow over me?
Why so when Your promise says that’s where my help comes from?
Mighty God. Beautiful Savior.
Hope for sinners. Throw Your arms open wide.
Glorious King. Loving Father.
Wonderful Author. Hear my cry.
Though the sky darkens and the world may fall;
Though I lose my sight and have no will to keep on;
I will run to You for I know Your love endures
No condemnation from the One, the Living God
Though the sea dries up and the mountains crumble;
Though I may be found alone with tears overflow;
I will sing praise to You, I will rejoice in You
For You are good and You are God.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Heaven's Ground
“As humans we tend to focus on the immediate. Yet all the while, God is orchestrating the entirety of our lives, using specific details, specific people, specific circumstances, specific words. We tend to look at one piece of the puzzle, while God sees the whole picture as well as the detailed specifics within each piece. We see things in black and white, while God sees things in panoramic color.” John Hull and Tim Elmore from Pivotal Praying
Last night, I was watching the sky from my room around 9 o’clock. Since I’m on the 3rd floor, it is much closer to the heaven’s ground and I could see things clearer. As I searched the dark blue canvas, I was struck at how God’s mighty hands are still moving. The clouds were lazily rolling, the cold silver stars were glittering, and the colors were painted in different shades.
It was a comforting reminder to me that even though all of the things in this world go wrong, He, who is existed, has already drawn out the plans for our lives. And we just have to be submissive to His will by being obedient. While we’re performing the tasks He’s given us to do, we’re assured that God is actually the One who carries out those plans for His glory. I love the chorus from a song called “In Me” by Casting Crowns .
“Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me”
When we’re suffocating from the polluted sinful world and being caught in the whirlpool of busyness, it is the time God demands us to lift our bowed head up and inhale deeply the sweet fragrance of His love.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
Last night, I was watching the sky from my room around 9 o’clock. Since I’m on the 3rd floor, it is much closer to the heaven’s ground and I could see things clearer. As I searched the dark blue canvas, I was struck at how God’s mighty hands are still moving. The clouds were lazily rolling, the cold silver stars were glittering, and the colors were painted in different shades.
It was a comforting reminder to me that even though all of the things in this world go wrong, He, who is existed, has already drawn out the plans for our lives. And we just have to be submissive to His will by being obedient. While we’re performing the tasks He’s given us to do, we’re assured that God is actually the One who carries out those plans for His glory. I love the chorus from a song called “In Me” by Casting Crowns .
“Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me”
When we’re suffocating from the polluted sinful world and being caught in the whirlpool of busyness, it is the time God demands us to lift our bowed head up and inhale deeply the sweet fragrance of His love.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
Sunday, September 14, 2008
H-O-M-E
When I was young, when someone talked about home, my mind would suddenly picture a big white house with orange roof, an apple tree and a swing at its side. It's said that sometimes children's drawing speaks louder than their words. As a child, every time I drew a picture of home, in spite of different backgrounds (sky, mountains, beach, etc.), it'd always include a house, an apple tree, a swing AND 3 people.
As I grew up, the definition of home has changed from time to time. To me, and likely most of the people, home is where your heart dwells. Though I might be living in a shack or in a deep jungle, I could be home if my heart is there. Where is my heart at the present?
I'm not sure if heart and intimacy are the same, but at least there seems to be some related connection between these two words. One thing I'm strongly certain about, though, is that there can be heart and intimacy when one is engaged in another person's life.
Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group (www.dictionary.com).As I've sojourned on this life of Christianity, I've experienced a lot of defining moments where I feel like home: munching the still-hot homemade cookies with friends, sitting cross-legged on the floor with children drawing pictures or playing games, laughing over the delicious Chicken and cashew nut at Mr.Sombats', snuggling in my mom's arms though it is 32 degree outside, fighting over a toy with my sisters, cleaning GES 2nd floor at 3 in the morning with the girls and almost nodding my head off while watching my friend washing her bathub, lying on my back while seeking warmth for my feet under my friend's cool feet under the cold starry night, getting so squished in a taxi that there was almost no space for air, discussing deep in bible study for 3 hours or simply worshipping God without any musical instruments. The list could keep going on. One thing I notice in all these things, again, is there's ALWAYS people involved.
My heart is in the people whom God created. It is where my home on earth is. Those memories, though not fancy or exotic, are the places where intimacy with another living soul was created. Paul Brand, a world-renowned orthopaedic specialist and leprosy surgeon, "expresses the guiding principle of his medical career this way: ' The most precious possession any human being has is his spirit - his will to live, his sense of dignity, his personality. Though technically we may be concerned with tendons, bones, and nerve endings, we must never lose sight of the person we are treating.'" (Soul Survivor by Yancey).
God sent His Spirit to be among His people. In you, in me, there is the heart of the Sacred Love that nothing in this world can seperate us from. I now begin to see a glimpse of the eternal home as my heart is entwined with His people's spirits. One of the most untalented gifts I have is drawing. And if you ask me to draw a picture of home again, it'd probably still be the same with the plain-looking white house with orange roof, an apple tree and people - only that it'll not be just 3 people anymore but it'd be added to 10, 50, 100 or even 1,000.
Mink
"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love." John 15:9-10 (The Message)
As I grew up, the definition of home has changed from time to time. To me, and likely most of the people, home is where your heart dwells. Though I might be living in a shack or in a deep jungle, I could be home if my heart is there. Where is my heart at the present?
I'm not sure if heart and intimacy are the same, but at least there seems to be some related connection between these two words. One thing I'm strongly certain about, though, is that there can be heart and intimacy when one is engaged in another person's life.
Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group (www.dictionary.com).As I've sojourned on this life of Christianity, I've experienced a lot of defining moments where I feel like home: munching the still-hot homemade cookies with friends, sitting cross-legged on the floor with children drawing pictures or playing games, laughing over the delicious Chicken and cashew nut at Mr.Sombats', snuggling in my mom's arms though it is 32 degree outside, fighting over a toy with my sisters, cleaning GES 2nd floor at 3 in the morning with the girls and almost nodding my head off while watching my friend washing her bathub, lying on my back while seeking warmth for my feet under my friend's cool feet under the cold starry night, getting so squished in a taxi that there was almost no space for air, discussing deep in bible study for 3 hours or simply worshipping God without any musical instruments. The list could keep going on. One thing I notice in all these things, again, is there's ALWAYS people involved.
My heart is in the people whom God created. It is where my home on earth is. Those memories, though not fancy or exotic, are the places where intimacy with another living soul was created. Paul Brand, a world-renowned orthopaedic specialist and leprosy surgeon, "expresses the guiding principle of his medical career this way: ' The most precious possession any human being has is his spirit - his will to live, his sense of dignity, his personality. Though technically we may be concerned with tendons, bones, and nerve endings, we must never lose sight of the person we are treating.'" (Soul Survivor by Yancey).
God sent His Spirit to be among His people. In you, in me, there is the heart of the Sacred Love that nothing in this world can seperate us from. I now begin to see a glimpse of the eternal home as my heart is entwined with His people's spirits. One of the most untalented gifts I have is drawing. And if you ask me to draw a picture of home again, it'd probably still be the same with the plain-looking white house with orange roof, an apple tree and people - only that it'll not be just 3 people anymore but it'd be added to 10, 50, 100 or even 1,000.
Mink
"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love." John 15:9-10 (The Message)
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