Love

I wonder if you ever are at a loss of words, and in awe when you look at God’s works in your life. I mean…it’s incredible that I’ve been away from home for almost a year now, 11 months to be exact. I had no idea what my life was going to be like when I set out for this journey. It’s been surprise after surprise. When looking back, not even one moment is to be regretted, even the worst ones. God uses every single opportunity to mature me. I feel like I’m such an old lady now thinking how many storms I’ve been through just in a year. I remember having a honeymoon feast during my first few months here and I also remember being drowned in the sea of remorse, sorrow and hopeless depression. I thought I wouldn’t even pull through, that I would simply sink into the bottom of it all and wouldn’t even rise again. But God’s mercy….oh, His goodness and mercy nourish me and bring back my life.

I’d gone through a biggest storm yet these past couple of months. There were a lot of feelings and attitudes in those days: uselessness, helplessness, hopelessness, self-loathsome, doubts, depression and emptiness. I was wondering if this storm would stop tearing me down when slowly a light of dawn radiated through the darkened sky. After that, a revelation after another surfaces and brings clear understanding to my confused mind.

Love is among those revelations. The song “Jesus loves me” I’m listening to now takes on a new perspective tonight. I’m being brought back to many moments in the past that reveal so much of His love in my life…even the broken relationship with my ex-boyfriend or my dad’s sudden death. Without those things in the past, I wouldn’t be who I am…here…today. I’m humbled to realize that I am truly and passionately loved. My dear friend told me in his last e-mail that I am loved but it was impossible to feel so in those rainy days. Now it’s like…the sun rises in my heart again. I don’t need to try to find facts, proofs or evidence to justify Jesus’ love; nor do I have to force myself to be happy because…I truly am. It’s amazing to be God’s beloved.

“His love is the essence of who He is, which enables us to love Him in return. When we know His love, we don’t need explanations” – A quote from a book called “British Columbia”. It is love that makes the world revolves around itself and orbits the sun. It is love, which is originated from God that sacredly holds to its true meaning. Jesus loves us violently from head to toe. It’s incredible to comprehend such love. It is already powerful enough for a man to love another woman…but to imagine a “person” loves the whole world, which at present has about 6.781,000,000 or more people, not including the older generations that passed away and the ones that are to come. How much love can it be gushed out of a person if he isn’t the source of love himself?

So willing and ready to love is Jesus. Yet what He has received is nowhere near happiness. Pain we bring Him by our rejections and pride. But Jesus’ love teaches me another lesson – that love isn’t an accomplishment of a task…to win someone’s heart by verbal persuasion. It is a quiet joy to extend the exuberant affection and good will to another being despite their fallen nature. In another word, love is sufficient in itself. My question is “are we willing to experience the most arduous pleasure of loving by risking our lives in the others and allowing others to risk in ours when love is already there? Are we ready to give and receive this love, of which its foundation traces back to the existence of the very first Person to teach us what it truly means to love?

I was reading in Romans 1 the other day. Paul stated in verse 14 that he is “a debtor both to Greeks and to barbarians, both to wise and to unwise”. Then he declared in verse 15 that he is “ready to preach the gospel to you who are in Rome also”. It was a puzzle to me how on earth Paul could be indebted to those people. But a tint of glowing light dawned on the hazy me – because of God’s love for him, he was indebted to Him for the sake of the Gospel. People who are still trapped in the line of Adam are awaiting to hear of God’s love in their lives. Surely, if we reason among ourselves, we owe these folks nothing (unless you borrow their money ;) ) BUT we owe their precious souls to God.

Recently, my heart has been burdened with vulnerable people. It’s another revelation I received. My goal in life is to become a full-time missionary but I’ve never known what kind of work I’d like to be involved. This past Tuesday, while I was driving in the mountains with a team, my heart was roused when I thought of taking care of people in need; those who are abandoned, left out…those who are on the edge of society…those who are ignored and overlooked. I think of Mother Teresa and her sacrificial love but I’m not sure if I have that much of qualities like she does. The thought of sick and dying people still scare me. The smell of medicine and the hovering presence of death are still haunting me from time to time. Could I become a nurse? Talking about stuttering Moses, unimportant, shy David, bullying and persecuting Saul and uneducated disciples! That looks, to me, far from any possibility of becoming real.

However, the next thought rolled in and halted my difficult breathing from shock, for it seems there’s more potential than the former thought – writing. I was reading a novel when it slowly appeared to me that the author of this novel had wrote this long time ago…yet the book presently conveys the heart of its message to me so distinctly in the 19th century. It encourages me to keep walking and trusting God. Though she’s probably dead by now, she left me, a younger generation, a legacy. And I hope I could do exactly just like that. After all, one is barely recognized after death anyway. Why don’t leave something worth remembering…something that would bring encouragement or a change to someone’s life?

Love doesn’t probably mean doing “good” things only but doing something “radically” and “differently”. Love gives us power to perform an act that can shock the bewildered world. Love humbles us to go an extra mile. Love breaks the wall of selfishness and allows us to think of others first. Love sustains us with courage to have mercy on those who hate us. Love rebukes evils. Love does not compromise. It is fierce and strong-willed when it comes to protecting its lovers. Love prevails.

Love, such a short word but is so powerful that one’s life cannot be the same when encounters with love. I am not the same since the day I received Love into my life. Yea, the fighting will continue since I’m still living in the flesh but…

“Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong. They are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me for the Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me He who died. Heaven’s gates are open wide.
He will wash away my sin. Let this little child come in.

Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me for the Bible tells me so.

For God so loves the world that He gave His only Son.
Jesus loves me. He loves me…this I know.”

Beloved of God, remember always that nothing can separate us from the love of God. You are loved. That’s the fact. Though you may try to reject Him or explain Him away with your logics, His love remains the same…always.

Looking Through the Veil

I had an opportunity to travel to Chiang-Rai and step my feet into the soil of Burma this past week with a group of Indians. Things could never be more interesting.

In my whole life, the closest contact I've had with Indian is the movie "Slumdog Millionaire". India and its culture seem very vague to me. Though I heard of people going to India, watched a bit of their "run-across-the-mountains" videos, had some Indian food, I never got to interact to one. So living with a group of 6 authentic Indians for 3 days this past week was beyond my expectation and wild imagination.

Indians have very distinct features. Their thick black hair, smooth dark skin, deep penetrating brown eyes, arched brows, full lips and robust frame make them stand out so much in the midst of Thais.

Their lives are closely entwined with their culture. Women still wear their traditional dress anywhere they go. Men grow beard and mustache. They use hands instead of spoon and fork for eating.

I don't know why I'm ranting about this. After saying goodbye to them, I was still haunted by their faces, their thick accent, their strong scent and their sorrowful eyes. These people come from well-off families and have respectable status in society but in their eyes hidden something beyond my reach...something unpleasant that their country has gone through since the past.

The lesson I learned 2 weeks ago from David's life - "For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" became a real experience when I encountered with these people. I think the world offers us a standard of beauty; and we are often lured into judging ourselves and people around us by looking up to this standard. Often enough, the outward appearances blind our eyes to see the real treasure in a soul of a human being. Even I myself.

People can be loud, demanding, rude when they are in need but behind that wall of "look" and "manner" lie the unmistakably perfect masterpiece of the Creator - a human being with thoughts and feelings.

It's one of the greatest challenges for me as my role in life right now is equivalent to a tour guide - to see people from their heart not their look. Sometimes I see people as insignificant, a sea of faces, I could say. Or some other times they are just numbers, like children in Compassion or world population.

Each and everyone of us is uniquely different. If we open our eyes wide enough and look closely, we may see something different in the faces we never paid attention to before....something through the veil.