Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The Hungry

This month has been dragging and long.

This week has been a whirlpool of exhaustion and busyness.

This day has been somewhat crazy and draining....

but at this moment...i am quietly content with my still-hot garlic chicken with vegetable on steamed rice...my first meal of the day. :)

Sometimes men and women can be unexpectably demanding.

It may cause someone's sacrifice....Someone's life....so that we would be satisfied. Human is so selfish. I am VERY selfish.

It has been too long thinking of what is not yet done, whirling my mind about the future is not yet come...

As of right now, I will set it aside for a little while. I will finish my "authentic" meal, drink some water and go to church prayer meeting. My soul is crying out for the Bread and the Water as well...

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Change or not?

I so wish I was better at organizing thoughts. This is maybe my 5th effort in writing this note after typing and erasing. I want to write something but my capability is so limited. My mind is a mess. My thought is whirling about. My heart is racing. And my brain is somewhat tired even though I haven't done anything that much. What is it within that continually bugs me? It causes such confusion...and...depression, the unwanted gift ever.

Apparently, as one of my friends put me this way, I am a 23-year-old girl, who is about to graduate and scared of life in the upcoming real world. Seriously, I am curious if the world I have been living in somewhat is not real. Twenty two years on this earth I have enjoyed all the fun the world has been giving to me. I do exactly the same things as everyone does on one's daily basis. I get up. I shower. I eat. I go to school. I learn. I play with my friends. I watch TV. I sleep. I take special classes. I travel with my family once in a while. Let's talk about feelings. I am pretty much the same as others. I smile and laugh when I am happy. I cry when I am sad. I feel melancholy when I encounter loss. I am confused when there are too many choices.

What, then, does make a difference in the world when I am a year older? Will the world change when I graduate? .......................

I guess I have to admit. Yes. I don't think God created us so that He would be able to sit and play with us like a barbie doll. Life is all about changing. From kindergarten, I moved up to primary. Primary to junior-high. Junior-high to highschool. Highschool to college. And college to........what? I haven't figured that one out yet...but good news...I'm about to. :) I think we were created to "live" and "move on" with life even though we feel stuck. Every decision we make, God allows it so that we may learn how to grow more mature, how to deal with circumstances and how to be responsible of the consequences.

Well, guys, I know many of you have already passed this stage...and you might see me as a frantic, worried college girl. You may as well do that. BUT remember...life is all about changing. Today will not be the same as tomorrow. All I have to do is keep it real. I must not be a coward. I must confront it. I must fight with it. I am not only God's daughter but also His warrior. There is no cowardice in the battlefield or else I lose.

Before end, I would like to let those of you who are wondering what I am up to these days that I will be teaching English for G.10B at GES for a while. I don't know for how long yet. I guess until they know how suck I am at teaching. lol No, no..that's a joke. I decided to turn down the position at Shell company because 1) I feel peace about being here even though I personally feel stuck (I thought working far away would somehow make me move on w/ life) 2) I still want to be around those whom I love...especially when my church is really in need of staff 3) I still want to have fun.

So, briefly, I will be teaching at GES for a while and also helping out at the church at the same time. I don't know if I have made a right choice or not, but I already did. And there is no turning back.

Books Corner

  • Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
  • Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado
  • Heavenly Man, The by Brother Yun with Paul Hattaway
  • Hind's Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.
  • In the Presence of My Enemies by Gracia Burnham & Dean Merrill.
  • Into the Wilderness by Sara Donati
  • Irresistible Revolution, The by Shane Claiborne
  • Jonathan, the Prince by Francine Rivers
  • Left Behind Series by Jerry B. Jenkins & Tim Lahaye
  • Lineage of Grace, The by Francine Rivers.
  • Lord of The Rings, The by J.R.R. Tolkien.
  • Prayer by Philip Yancey
  • Redeeming Love, The by Francine Rivers.
  • Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey
  • Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller