Since the morning, the air has been so beachy. Not too hot nor too humid. That gracefully calms my soul, and i thank God for a break from heaviness of weather. I've had quite a quiet day, and it is actually nice. Sometimes i feel like being in people's presence and enjoying the time of fellowship, but so many times i do need the time of meditation, the time of pondering and reflection alone with God. And today is it.
These past few days I have been fighting with confusion a lot. One side of my heart is the Holy Spirit's and the other side is Satan's. I wonder how a man, or in this case a woman, can be dwelled by both. The thing is i'm struggling with the concept of love...(oh yeah...valentine's month). I hear a voice gently speaking, "love your neighbors as you love yourselves", but a swift moment later i hear another evil croaked voice saying, "you haven't received anything back since you gave. why would you still want to love?". And oh, my heart so longingly desires to give love unconditionally like Jesus does, but i'm such a lame and crooked spirit that i don't think i'll be able to accomplish that once. Is this a lie of my life? A lie that tells i am not deserved to be a messenger of love and peace for Jesus?
Very well then, my whole being belongs to Jesus, my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer...the Owner of my life, I will never give in to the power of Satan. It is dragging me into its trap, into the dirty lie. I will never stop fighting until the day Jesus comes and defeats all under His feet. Though I will lose my life, i will stubbornly and continually fight for God is my strength, my Stronghold, my Tower and my Cornerstone.
Jesus, You are the Lover of my life. No one shall ever take Your place...though a part within me longs for more.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
Valentine's Week
Oh, this week has been full of mixtures of feelings and emotions...in a good way though. Valentine's day passed without anything "particularly" special from a male companion, lol, which was totally fine. I've received "more than enough" love from my family, girl and some boy friends and my students. One verse from the bible that stuck in my mind all the time is, "It is more blessed to give than to receive". Some might say that this is a way to comfort oneself, but Jesus' word is forever true. And this ain't a comfort, it's the "truth". Why am I so confident? Because I've tried that!
I found myself being so much in peace when I darted my eyes around the school campus and saw the little girls and boys wearing pink, red and white running around the school with chocolate, cookies and gifts from their friends or teachers. Then I turned my gaze the other ways and saw young teens walking with their "special partners" with one hand carrying a bunch of gifts or flowers and the other hand holding the other's hand. The school was filled with excitement! When I walked back into the staff room, though the normal busy-ness was left lingering there, I could smell the air of happiness, joy and hope. In each teacher's mailbox, that was usually stacked with piles of paper and sraps, there were cute little "Hershey's Kiss" chocolate and notes with scripture like "1 Corinthians 13:4-7" sitting on top of it all. Hugs and kisses were exchanged sweetly and openly.
Even though the longing for a male companion deep inside my heart was still there, I was able to find joy in the midst of my friends' presence and God's overwhelming love. Plus, I know that He will not let me wait for too long. I love writing notes to people so that was what I did this year. I know that it might not be as pricy as chocolate or flowers, but that was from all of my heart I have for each one.
And today with G.4 at NCA, we had the chocolate party because 1) we're on the chapter called, "Chocolate King" and 2) it's the Valentine's week. I told them before time to bring anything chocolaty today to share with their friends. When I opened the door, all my kings and queens (i also had them make their own crowns) were all shaking with eagerness ane excitement. But I guess i was quite a cruel teacher because I didn't let the party begin right away, instead I was talking about what "love" means and how we can show love to others. Some of them were moaning like, "Miss Mink, the time is flying and the bell will ring soon if we're not gonna start". lol Oh well, I am a teacher, ain't I? Then I came up with an idea, which I believe that it was Holy Spirit's work, that we would give away our chocolate stuffs to other teachers and students in the school because there were so MANY! Seriously, my desk was piled up with more than 20 kinds of chocolate excluded milk and drinks. So I divided them into 4 groups and told them to knock on each classroom's door and quietly gave chocolate to the teachers. It was quite a success, I think, because each one came back with smiles and some of them just ran back frantically to grab more because it was not enough for all. That surprised me because they didn't "really" want to give at first. I pray that these children, who have increasinly become growing in my heart, would find the "true love" somehow in their older years.
I found myself being so much in peace when I darted my eyes around the school campus and saw the little girls and boys wearing pink, red and white running around the school with chocolate, cookies and gifts from their friends or teachers. Then I turned my gaze the other ways and saw young teens walking with their "special partners" with one hand carrying a bunch of gifts or flowers and the other hand holding the other's hand. The school was filled with excitement! When I walked back into the staff room, though the normal busy-ness was left lingering there, I could smell the air of happiness, joy and hope. In each teacher's mailbox, that was usually stacked with piles of paper and sraps, there were cute little "Hershey's Kiss" chocolate and notes with scripture like "1 Corinthians 13:4-7" sitting on top of it all. Hugs and kisses were exchanged sweetly and openly.
Even though the longing for a male companion deep inside my heart was still there, I was able to find joy in the midst of my friends' presence and God's overwhelming love. Plus, I know that He will not let me wait for too long. I love writing notes to people so that was what I did this year. I know that it might not be as pricy as chocolate or flowers, but that was from all of my heart I have for each one.
And today with G.4 at NCA, we had the chocolate party because 1) we're on the chapter called, "Chocolate King" and 2) it's the Valentine's week. I told them before time to bring anything chocolaty today to share with their friends. When I opened the door, all my kings and queens (i also had them make their own crowns) were all shaking with eagerness ane excitement. But I guess i was quite a cruel teacher because I didn't let the party begin right away, instead I was talking about what "love" means and how we can show love to others. Some of them were moaning like, "Miss Mink, the time is flying and the bell will ring soon if we're not gonna start". lol Oh well, I am a teacher, ain't I? Then I came up with an idea, which I believe that it was Holy Spirit's work, that we would give away our chocolate stuffs to other teachers and students in the school because there were so MANY! Seriously, my desk was piled up with more than 20 kinds of chocolate excluded milk and drinks. So I divided them into 4 groups and told them to knock on each classroom's door and quietly gave chocolate to the teachers. It was quite a success, I think, because each one came back with smiles and some of them just ran back frantically to grab more because it was not enough for all. That surprised me because they didn't "really" want to give at first. I pray that these children, who have increasinly become growing in my heart, would find the "true love" somehow in their older years.
"And we have known and believed the love that God has for us.
God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him."
- 1 John 4:16
Happy Valentine's Day!
Mink ^-^
P.S. I'll post some pictures from Valentine's Party from last Sunday soon. Stay tuned!
Saturday, February 10, 2007
It's All About You, Jesus...
Jesus, Lover of My Soul (It's all about You)
It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways
Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways
Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You
I am so tired. There is no better word to describe my feeling...my exhaustion right now. Tomorrow will be the big day, Valentine's Party. The first significant job since the vote for leaders. It is hard, and I am drained. It's Saturday today, and I really want to go to Newsong, the underground church with my friends...but I just simply can't. So many things need to be prepared and got ready, so many practices. And things seem to go not like I have planned. We may not have the "Prodigal Son" skit because our actors and actress aren't really sure if they can do. There were so few time to practice. The topic I've planned for Small Group will have to be changed. Things just don't go like "my" ways.
Then I was listening to this song I posted up there, and it struck me so hard. It is ALL about God...and not about me. And this is the right way which He wants now.
"Take over everything that I am holding back from You, Lord"
Please pray that all will go as He planned.
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