April Journeys

“Only one life to assume to pass,
Only what’s alone for Christ will last.” – John Piper

Last Sunday, while I was basking in the afternoon sun on a porch, watching people flashing by and sipping a glass of iced-cocoa, I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Have I been here, in Chiang-Mai for almost a year now? Is this FOR REAL?” I don’t know why, but once I stepped past age 23, time seems to zoom by. I barely walked away from the New Year’s firework that a splash of water from Song Kran Festival soaked me to the skin.

This chapter of life has been colorful. There have been moments of fun yellow, somber navy blue, contemplating green, confusing smoky gray, angry fiery red, calm sky blue, lonely black and pure white. Only last week, I had the moment of gray – confusion and not understanding.


I learned of a disturbing fact in this revolving planet, the lesson I MUST stick it in my head always – there are many who don’t believe in Jesus, and worse they’re trying to explain Him away and disclaim His truth. It is understandable that non-believers may have a misconception of who Jesus is but never have I imagined an address to Him as a “fantasy figure” nor to the Gospel “a bedtime story”. These names are not from any famous novels or sorts of treatise but from a person whom I’ve made acquaintance with. My first reaction was shock. Other serial affected reactions were of being attacked, insulted, angry, vulnerable and unsure. The fact that one can get so far away from the truth and so resistant is totally disturbing, but the fact that I’ve allowed myself to step into the cloud of gray and become doubtful in the truth is even more startling. I’ve discarded Paul’s caution, “to think and dwell only upon that which is good and of good report” and almost embraced the “one-man-show” survival fact of the world – that there is no God, no comfort from the Bible, nothing but me…painful..alone…but real. Is that true?

I was dangerously standing on the verge of the cliff. But I’m thankful that at the moment I was going to fall, there were people who care deeply about me pulled me back. Because of this situation, it highlighted how a Christian cannot walk alone AT ALL. It’s severely critical that one should be accountable with someone and have a group of family members or friends constantly pray for him…or else…he could easily fall.

Anyway, I’ve found that wherever I am, no matter it is North of South, summer in Thailand is brutal…as the same…or even more. I heard that Bangkok reached 40C (104F) yesterday (April 23). No wonder why we sweat like crazy. And I am in Chiang-Mai, the northern part of Thailand! Talk about Global Warming! I’ve been raised and growing up in this tropical country for my whole life but I have never got used to its heat especially in April, the hottest month of all. That’s why Songkran Festival is such a treat for all of us. What could be better than splashing water and getting cooled off! Sadly, I didn’t get to join the fun this year at all since I was traveling most of the time. Well, it was cool enough to watch other people having fun. Chiang-Mai celebrated Songkran wayyyy early. Normally, it’s 13-15 but they started from the 10th and went on until the 16th, that was a whole week of madness and funness.

There are a few highlights I’d like to talk about. First is about finding a church. Since January, I was on a quest looking for a new church as the former congregation I went to didn’t have a group of people in my age. Reluctantly, I have to admit that I’m still looking for it. However, it’s been an invaluable experience of being in different congregations. It’s amazing how one belief can extend its branches into various denominations and groups and have such diverse ways of worshipping. I used to be self-pitiful when I thought about my wandering but I’ve come to appreciate it, at least for a certain moment, because through this I’m able to meet with new people who are so passionate about God, and I’ve become less judging as I try to understand and see things through His eyes. God has worked this process in my life so that I won’t be wearing the crown of Nonthaburi Baptist Church or Newsong Bangkok over my head. After a while, I just don’t care much if this church is Baptist or Pentecostal, for we all worship one God – that is Christ Jesus. I think our Lord is a very creative Person, and He wouldn’t pick only one color because it’d be a little too boring for Him.

Yet, I can’t deny that deep down in my heart I still long for a family of my own as well – a bunch of people who I will look forward to seeing every week, whom I will serve and learn the words of God with…these people I will laugh and cry together during the sunny and stormy days. I yearn for that…more than anything else. And I will have to keep praying and believing that this isn’t beyond what God can do for me.

Second is about God’s divine contact. As in Acts 8, how God used Philip to preach Christ to an Ethiopian, He used Ruth L. and the Miyakawas, who I recently got to meet, to minister to me. I met Ruth randomly at a coffee shop near my place. Ruth is a lady from the US who’s now teaching at a university in China. I was reading and she was using internet. I don’t quite remember how the conversation started but we ended up talking for a whole hour about God! It was exciting for me because I didn’t imagine I’d find myself in a conversation with a stranger, whom I realized later a Christian. We talked about our families, jobs, lives, God, struggles. She was telling me how Christ and Christianity are still taboo topics there. After reading the Heavenly Man from Brother Yun’s life, I totally understood what she meant. It was a refreshing time for me to have someone to talk to, to have a deep conversation, not only a small chitchat.

Then a couple of days later, while I was walking down to Starbucks at Tha-Pae gate, a tall boy handed me a tract with sentences like “Let me know what we can pray for you, or how we can help you by e-mailing us at this address”. I walked into Starbucks, ordered a cup of coffee feeling a bit puzzled and thrilled. It was the first day of Songkran celebration, so people were going crazy both inside and outside. While waiting for my order, I looked out and saw a bunch of youngsters sitting with the kind of tracts I received in my hand. So I walked over to them and asked one of the girls, Kristen, what is this all about. I asked in such a manner that I thought it’d appear rude if I wasn’t so desperate to know at that time. Anyway, she told me that it was a mission her fellows from Grace International School to hand out 15,000+ tracts out in 24 hours (I hope I got the number right). It was one of their outreach ministries. Well, I e-mailed them and went on a trip. The next week I came back, I got an e-mail from her dad asking if we could all get together for lunch. So I did. We went to this delicious Mexican restaurant close to Tha-Pae gate (Geez…I can’t remember its name but if you like Mexican and come visit me in Chiang-Mai, I’ll take you there). Anyway, last Sunday I went to their church called “The Gathering”, which simply is full of missionaries. What I liked the most was the sermon. I jotted this down on my little piece of paper, “Ultimately, God calls us to follow a Person (Jesus), neither a place nor position.” Even though the destination and things we will do are unclear, when Jesus calls, we should obey. The pastor said, “When you hear God speak, what you do NEXT says what you really believe”.

Third is about my job. Let me ask you first, have you been so bored at work? If yes, here’s the next question, what do you do when you’re bored? I’m genuinely curious about that because sometimes this moment hits, and I’m left wondering what I’m supposed to do. Here’s what I wrote in my journal last night about my challenge at work:

“I’ve come across another challenge in my job – the feeling of unimportance. There are lies in my mind saying that people will do find here without me, and I still can’t help but believing that though I know it’s not true!

I’ve been thinking a lot about what is required of me. There are some expectations from the organization and the staff but what is the ultimate requirement? I think it’s ‘obeying God’. Charles S. Swindoll says,’…Stop trying to be the tops in your fields. Be an excellent whatever.’ That means if my job is to sweep the floor, then I’ll do my very best to make it clean and spotless. If my job is to make a bulletin board, then I’ll do it with my utmost creativity and ability. Whatever job it is, though it may look insignificant, it’s in the heart of a doer that God looks at…and that’s what matters.

I’ve had thought of giving up this position. I’ve thought of moving back to Bangkok. I’ve somehow loathed the society here because a newcomer like me doesn’t always feel welcomed. I hate that I have to struggle and strive alone. I hate the fact that the community at GES, like GES, can’t be found here…that it’s too idealistic…at least for me.

Yet I CANNOT give up. Every time these thoughts came to my mind, the Lord tells me to STICK WITH this plan no matter what the cost is…simply because this is His will…and because many children are being blessed by what I, we Compassion, do. That’s the pure solid reason I’m here. And I know that God is already pleased with that.”

Sometimes we tend to value ourselves by what we do or how we are needed but I’ve learned recently that it’s not the main point. Our value is in Christ Jesus and what we are accomplishing for His kingdom. Not that He doesn’t give me choices of leaving, of course He does, yet when you know what is best for you, won’t you grasp for it? Will you let it go?

It all comes back to my theme of life – a quest. I put a quote from John Piper’s sermon “Don’t waste your life” because it’s a great reminder for me that my life here is for Christ. And until I stand before His beautiful face, until then, I want to become a “good and faithful servant” of His. Paul says, “To live is Christ and to die is gain” – that’s a classic provocative challenge to me.