Little by Little

A lot of times, as busyness has become a major part of my day, I tend to forget the main purposes of life. The initial passion for others died down while my selfishness increased. How pride and self-pitiness are the perfect mixture of a soul's destruction!

I've been inwardly suffering from the mentally paralyzed state. Before I came up to work at Compassion, I seemed to be one of the "key" people who was trusted to be involved in critical matters. I was there to help others, not to be helped. Somehow God has recently flipped my script upside down.

It's been very frustrating to me that I'm not in the place where I can do things as conveniently as I used to. As a matter of fact, I feel like I'm partly paralyzed. Everyday as I watch my professional co-workers perform their tasks, I can't help but feeling envious. Though it seems forever to me, it has been nothing but a month and a half since my first day with this organization. While other people are harvesting, I'm just beginning to learn how to plant.

Sigh.

God has His ways to discipline His children. Beloved we are, yet He'd rather choose the hard way. Undoubtedly, that is an act of love. My friend, Heidi Peters, and I used to choose the way to express our love by slapping each other on the back. Sillyness? Yes. But every time we did that, I always walked away feeling happy, and more importantly, loved. Maybe this isn't the best analogy of all, but I think our Father doesn't neglect this strategy either.

Sometimes we need a good "slapping-on-the-back" from God in our daily life so that we may not forget who we are and what we are here for. Some of us may aggressively pursue achievement in the fast-pacing world whereas to some time may have stopped long ago and they just doggedly labor only to feed their empty stomach day by day.

What would life matter then if we let ourselves be consumed by the ways of the world? He really had a big slap for me this past week. And though I don't claim that I'm enlightened, my eyes seem to glimpse the revealing motive more.

I'm pushing myself too hard.

There's no need to be able to run while you are still tumbling.I guess it's in my very own nature. Mom told me that when I wasn't even a year old, as soon as I could stand up, I'd just shoot off to the other side of the room and ran hard into the wall. It was too soon. Look at babies, they don't stand right up and race. Naturally, they take their time as infants learning how to sit, crawl, stand and walk. It's very foolish of me to think that I'd be able to run as fast as everyone now when I can barely plant my feet firmly on this ground.

It's a lesson of humbleness and perserverance. Step by step. Little by little. Day by day.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
Whose confidence is in Him."

Jeremiah 17:7